The 30 Day Journey......For Hope

The Plans of God

2012-01-26T07:58:00.003-06:00

Many of you have been kind to email and ask why I have been absent from the blog-o-sphere. Let's just say that studying for the LSAT and getting into law school takes way more time than I had imagined. Thankfully, the task is behind me now, and I begin classes on February 15th.

On the day Hope was born, I was miraculously re-born. Blinders dropped from my eyes, dull senses became razor sharp, and coping mechanisms morphed into warrior mentality. With a chip firmly resting upon my shoulder, a little girl sporting an extra-chromosome poured into and occupied the whole of my heart. And for her every weakness, I became strong. By the time Charlie entered my life three years later, I was not surprised to reach out my hand and find a brand new chip was growing on my other shoulder.

Stories of special needs children being abused at school routinely find a way to my email box. One child regularly zipped in a gym bag while at school, others locked in closets or strapped down to chairs, and still others bruised by those who are supposed to protect them. As I would read the reports, my soul would ache for someone, anyone, to come along to do something. And then one day my voice changed from "one of our disabled families should become an attorney to fight for these children" to "why don't I become an attorney and fight for our disabled children?" It was as if that thought had been present in my mind forever, as much a part of my life as sweet tea and buttered cornbread.

In retrospect, that thought was most likely born on September 14, 2005, the day I was given my first glance at Hopey's face. God must have felt a tinge of pain for me that day as He carefully planted that thought in my mind and considered the path I was to travel. Both Hope and I hung desperately onto life through delivery to be met with a cold introduction to one another before Hope was whisked away to NICU in a matter of mere seconds....I wasn't even allowed to touch her. "This is your daughter. I am taking her to NICU now." Still flat on my back being sewed up from a cruel C-section, I could only see two pitch black eyes staring back at me through a swaddling blanket. The moment our eyes locked, in that split second, I believe God brought the thought he had planted to life.

To say the steps have been difficult would be a laughable understatement. Through the flood of post-partum depression abandoning me with panic attacks and shaking my body randomly throughout the day and night for the first eighteen months of Hope's life....through three open heart surgeries mowing a scarred path down Hope's chest and leaving behind a defective heart prompting the ever-present possibility of an early good-bye to a baby girl I adore....through the daily struggle to communicate with two little ones who lack a voice but have so much they want to say....through the four eyes with impaired vision who trust me to see for them and keep them from falling down....through becoming aware of Charlie's moderate hearing loss and figuring out new ways to manage his inability to walk....through never feeling like I'm doing enough but failing to muster energy to do more....through sensory integration challenges that sometimes hurl Hopey onto the floor into a fetal position causing tears to pop from her face and screams of terror to escape from her mouth while those same challenges prevent Charlie from swallowing any food that has not been pureed....through all of this and so much more.....I find myself inexplicably loving with an insane love driven by an unseen force that has linked me cohesively to two little people who count on me to meet their every single need. The weight of it all. The joy of it all. Only God could write a story that makes absolutely no sense at all but fits perfectly.

The Creator of the Universe, as corny as it might sound to some, chose Hope, Charlie, and me for this task. Hope and Charlie have submitted to God's plan beautifully. But to get me here, the Almighty had to rattle me, frazzle me, and crush me. My "routine" looks somewhat like a see-saw: Somedays I bask in His glory....other days I wrap an imaginary curtain around me to close Him out completely. There are moments when I am so enraptured by my love for God that my hands spontaneously raise at the same time my knees are hitting the floor in cries and songs of praise....but there are other very real occasions when I raise my fist to Him in hate. All of this raw emotion, tangled in abandoned adoration for two who are weak and considered "less than" by most of the population of earth, God has used to fuel me and change me.

He has scripted the plot and the finale, given me the role I am to play, and continues to sprinkle me with signs of His presence every now and then to keep me focused and on cue. I have chosen to accept the call to go to law school, and now I wait to see how His plan unfolds. One thing is certain; the life of a follower is never dull!

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord...." Jeremiah 29:11

Two Shocking Stories

2011-10-18T18:27:00.015-05:00

These pictures depict two separate heartbreaking events that occurred within the last few days....one in China and the other in Philadelphia. The events accurately depict humanity at its most debase form, proving without a shadow of a doubt that without God, man is a complete and total mess:

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1. A two year old in China was hit by a van when attempting to cross a street. The driver, on his cell phone reeling from a recent break-up with his girlfriend, pauses only a moment after his front tires have rolled over her body. Then, hoping he won't get caught, he allows his back tires to roll over her body before fleeing the scene. Eighteen people pass by the little one in the street who is hanging onto life....a motorcycle weaves around her body, another truck allows his tires to run over her little feet and legs....a mother hurries her own child past the body....no one stops. Finally, a garbage collector pulls the little girl to the side of the road and another woman comes and retrieves her body. Miraculously, the two year old is still clinging to life in a hospital (reminding everyone of the parable of The Good Samaritan).

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2. Four mentally disabled individuals were kidnapped and then were recovered from a locked steel door in the basement of a Philadelphia apartment complex. One of the individuals was chained to the boiler. The room, reeking with the stench of urine and feces, is not much larger than a walk in closet....not tall enough to stand up straight. Malnourished and starving, each of the individuals also has physical impairments, one of them is blind. The reason for this atrocity? The ring leader of this three person operation decided to kidnap these handicapped individuals in order to steal their monthly social security checks.

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As I sit and ponder these events that seem beyond unimaginable, I am woefully reminded that when a society is depleted of the all important value of ALL life, this type of barbarous behavior is bound to happen. History proves that point.

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Tying into society's conflict over the value of life, on Monday the new Down syndrome test was rolled out in 20 major cities throughout the United States. For pregnant women in those cities, and soon in every city throughout the United States, a simple blood draw will tell with 98% accuracy whether babies growing within their wombs have an extra chromosome as early as 10 weeks into the pregnancy. And these moms-to-be will be offered the option of abortion, and soon, Down syndrome will be eradicated as predicted and hoped for by so many in the medical community. Yes, sadly it is true, eradicated completely.

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Last night, Lydia's homework assignment was to gather 10 questions her class could discuss on Matthew 5. We sat together and I read the entire passage out loud as we considered different thought-provoking questions that might give her 7th grade class pause to dig a little deeper. And then a God moment happened as He used Lydia to nudge me toward digging deeper. Just as I had finished verse 8: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God", Lydia very nonchalantly said: "Well that explains why Hopey sees angels all of the time."

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I could have continued reading at that point or I could have chosen to offer my own opinion about the subject, but instead I somehow found wisdom to ask her to explain. And she did, quite beautifully:

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"Well, Hopey doesn't really sin, because she doesn't act bad on purpose. If she does something bad, it is usually because she can't express herself and has become frustrated for some reason....that's not really sin. And I guess because she is not capable of sinning like the rest of us, her heart is as pure as any heart in the world. And God says the pure in heart will see God which explains why she sees angels sometimes. Maybe she is even seeing God....wouldn't that be cool?" Then Lydia got up and strode across the room to give Hope a big squeeze.

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Oh, how God has changed my life and my perspective with the gifts of Hope and Charlie. And how astonished I am to see how He is constantly changing the lives of Caleb, Lydia, and Natalie because of our two little ones. I blubber every time Caleb pats Charlie's little bald head and says: "I played hard for you tonight bud" after a football game....I melt each time Lydia bravely tells a group of teenage peers to please not use the "R" word and proceeds to share her love story about Hope and Charlie....and I sleep more soundly each night Natalie chooses to tuck into Hopey's bed for the night (even with her broken arm she earned while playing volleyball a couple of weeks ago) just because she wants to be close to her little sister.

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Our family has learned and embraced the fact that each individual God creates is a masterpiece that has been sculpted intentionally for His purposes. He is never taken by surprise and never makes mistakes. All too often we become so wrapped up "climbing the ladder of success" or "keeping up with the Jones'" that we miss the life lessons all around us. We are so focused on "stuff", we miss

L-I-F-E and living!

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To close, while I am beyond saddened and disgusted by the two stories that began this post, I humbly accept it was God who created evil so that we would have the opportunity to choose Him and His Way. However, having made that statement, I refuse to sit idly by accepting evil. No, as long as I have breath, I commit to stand:

For truth and honor even though it sometimes interferes with relationships....

For God's plan over man's desires even though it means being called to give everything away....

For the weak who I am thankful to serve daily....

And for the ONE who defeats evil and wins in the end! I am sooooo glad He wins in the end!!!

"Vengeance is mine, says the Lord"

Happy Down Syndrome Awareness Month

2011-10-03T17:35:00.001-05:00

I am not a big supporter of all of the holidays and special occasions that have creatively been dreamed up over the years to appease different groups of people while padding the pockets of retailers, but I am a huge fan (for obvious reasons) of Down Syndrome Awareness Month. This month gives voice to those who have no voice: "We are more alike than different!"

Down syndrome has been a blessed gift to me: It has meant a slower pace of life, taking intentional time to appreciate little things that others miss, giving thanks for each day our family enjoys good health, working harder to achieve goals I would never have dreamed of attempting, and experiencing a whole new kind of love that is gut-wrenchingly deep and vulnerable.

Thank you, blog readers, for allowing me the opportunity to bring experiences with Hopey and Charlie into your lives. Your acceptance of them today equates to a brighter future for them tomorrow!

Happy Birthday Hope!

2011-09-14T08:01:00.013-05:00

I was wide awake this morning at 4am. I don't know if God woke me or my subconscious. Either way, that was just around the time I awoke six years ago after the near death experience birth of my little Hopey. I remember opening my eyes to see Chappy first and then a young Dr. Jay Campbell who was still interning under the tutelage of the amazing Dr. David Liske, Hope's primary cardiologist at that time.

Since this was our first meeting with Jay, he was stiff, very professional, and used a deep voice to attempt to bely the fact that he was still new at the game of delivering heart wrenching news: "As you know, your daughter is in NICU. We have already performed some tests on her heart and things appear stable....." He went on to describe her outlook, which was not positive at all....and I tuned him out.

I felt fear like I have never felt before or since in those few minutes with Dr. Campbell, because when he walked into the door that early morning, he brought "Reality" tucked beneath his arm wearing a flashy red dress to taunt me. With his first words, "Reality" moved from neath his arm and began to seductively dance in the room in front of me....she was all I could see....all I could focus on. Her eyes bore into my soul, and just before Dr. Caldwell turned to leave after completing his update on our new baby who I had yet to meet, "Reality" lunged at my hospital bed and spit into my face the words: "Your life will never be the same again" before taking her place with the kind Doctor again and going on her way to visit the next unsuspecting mother.

"Reality" has visited me many times over the years. She has been at every one of Hope's heart surgeries and even pops in to visit at many of the cardiologist visits....sometimes I see her in public places when kind folks bend down to speak to Hopey only to find she doesn't have the ability to speak back....and every time Hope has a meltdown from being overstimulated by her surroundings, the woman in the red dress shows up to point her finger and laugh.

Some may wonder how I have dealt with the devil female all of these years, and the answer is very simple. Let me tell you about my other friend:

Three days after birth, Hope had a stomach surgery....three months later she had her first open heart surgery and coded. Up until the day she coded, I didn't know how much I had fallen in love with her. I had been in such "nurse mode" making sure she ate enough, took her medicine, made her cardiologist appointments, etc. that I had not even thought about loving her. I had, I guess, become a task mom without realizing it. The cardiologist's staff had warned me that I had only three months to get Hopey ready for life-saving open heart surgery, so I went to work as any person would, and focused on that goal.

On that fateful day, I had left Hope for the very first time post-heart surgery to go get something to eat. The hospital had become my home since the day of her surgery; days had passed and the nursing staff continually urged me to take a needed break for "fresh air". I was determined not to leave, but when they explained Hope was being taken off of the machines and would need me to have energy to help her adjust to post-surgery pain once she was fully awake, I relented. And just when Chappy and I sat down at the restaurant only 1 block away, we received and emergency call that changed everything: "Melanie, you need to get back to PICU right away. Hope coded and they are doing CPR on her right now!"

I know what you are wondering: did "Reality" show up that day? Yes, she did. She jumped back into the car with me and stayed with me until I made it to PICU. She mocked me: "Maybe she will die and you won't have to be her nurse anymore"....."She's been unconscious long enough that she'll probably be brain dead"....."She's going to die; you are going to have to give her a funeral and bury her." My mind was reeling, and "Reality" was making things worse. PICU would not let me in to see her, so when the next person came through the door, "Reality" and I burst in and ran down the hall to Hope's room. It was just like you would see in a movie, but I was living it. The nurses at the station ran out to stop me: "You can't go in there!" And I turned and saw. Oh God, I can still see.

I shoved "Reality" behind me, deafened my ears to all of the noise around me, and I watched a team of doctors and nurses around my little 9lb baby girl who was still wearing a profoundly visible bloody zipper on her tiny chest, try to save her life.

In the eery shock of that moment, time stood still for me. I no longer had any feelings at all. I know nurses were still shouting at me, trying to take me away from the scene, but it was as if I was not part of that realm or time. I was physically there, yes, but the rest of me had checked out. Had frozen.

This is where my salvation came. I met a new friend that day, and she was not wearing red. In fact, I am not even sure if my friend is a male or a female. This friend I cannot see or hear, but I can feel. As I stood there outside of Hope's room that day, my friend came to me for the first time and wrapped arms around me of comfort I have never felt before. Without those arms, I am positive I would have fallen. Those powerful arms held me up that day and have held me up more times than I can count since. Every time "Reality" comes to provoke, my other friend shows up to console. Once my new friend entered my life, there was no turning back. The funny thing about this buddy, our relationship continues to grow and blossom. Just when I think I have had all I can take, he comes around and opens the floodgates of my heart even more. Unrelenting, he shows up every morning when Hopey opens her sleepy eyes and grins, every time she takes my finger and pulls me along to come play with her, and even when I crawl in bed with Hopey each night to hold her until her eyes become too heavy to stay awake any longer.

I have a name for my friend: "LOVE".

Today I celebrate a miracle that happened in my life six years ago when an imperfect little angel invaded my life and crushed things I had been unable to see....my pride and selfishness being the top two....while introducing me to "LOVE" like I would never have known without her.

Natalie's birthday is on September 5th, so my parents always come and celebrate Hope and Natalie's birthday over one big celebration weekend. I hope you enjoy the video above (but forgive my overzealous singing---I will do pretty much anything to make Hope happy!)

1 Corinthians 13: "Love is patient, is kind, does not boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrong...rejoices in truth, protects, trusts, always HOPES, and pererveres!"

A Different Perspective Of History

2011-08-24T16:16:00.004-05:00

To all fellow lovers of reading and history, get ready to be jealous. I found this little gem on Ebay and couldn't be more excited to dig in. This book was used in classrooms in the early 18oo's....many years before the War Between the States divided our country and changed our course from limited government forever.

Because that infamous war was craftily used for politically driven purposes that have led to our nation's continual rising dependency on government, and in turn, our government's very obvious self-centered notion that they can spend our money better than we can, I have often wondered about its impact on post-war history books. For instance, was history re-written on occasion to further an agenda? I have long suspected that might be the case. What better way to find out than to read pages from a worn out, forgotten book of old to find out for myself?

I have just had the opportunity to open the pages and begin to read, but wanted to share a few points regarding "History" from the prespective of the author:

1. "History sets before us striking instances of virtue, enterprise, courage, generosity, patriotism...and encites us to copy such noble examples. History also presents us with pictures of the vicious ultimately overtaken by misery and shame, and thus solemnly warns us against vice."

2. "History...opens the hidden springs of human affairs; the causes of the rise, grandeur, revolutions, and fall of empires; it points out the influence which the manners of a people exert upon a government and the influence which that government reciprocally exerts upon the manners of a people. It illustrates the blessings of political union, and the miseries of faction; the dangers of unbridled liberty, and the mischiefs of despotic power."

3. "History displays the dealings of God with mankind. It calls upon us often to regard with awe His darker judgments, and again it awakens the liveliest emotions of gratitude for his kind and benignant dispensations. It cultivates a sense of dependence on Him; strengthens our confidence in His benevolence; and impresses us with a conviction of His justice."

4. "Besides these advantages, the study of history.....chastens the imagination, improves the taste, furnishes matter for conversation and reflection, enlarges the range of thought, and strengthens and disciplines the mind."

At some point, I promise to share my findings with you!!!

God's Call

2011-08-16T12:27:00.009-05:00

Wrestling with the Lord seems to have become an every day occurrence for me. Can you relate? Truthfully, I am aggravated to know Hopey is going to have to undergo another open heart surgery. Four open heart surgeries, Lord....really??? At the same time, her frustration level is beginning to grow since words will not come. Sentences, ideas and thoughts are bundled up inside that pretty little head of hers, but they just cannot seem to make it to her mouth.

The other night, Lydia and I laid in Hope's bed for thirty minutes and sang to her as she worked diligently to sing along with sounds eeking from the depths of her soul. She squeaked and crooned while looking longingly from Lydia to me as if to ask: "Why can't I do this?" Night after night, day after day, she makes her very best attempt.... and she fails. I can see the disappointment in her eyes and it makes me so sad. There is nothing I can do to help her except stay by her side and wait along with her until words come: I say, "It's ok Hopey, some day you will have the ability to speak everything that has been on your mind your whole life and sing like a bird little sister!" She understands what I am saying, and I think she believes me.

Then there is Charlie who cannot walk or eat any type of solid food. Just like Hopey, he has the work ethic of a disciplined soldier. Both daily give all they have to give....but success is continually just out of their reach. The achievements Hopey and Charlie lack are in tasks we take for granted every moment of every day because we can't even think back to the time when we said our first word, ate our first bite from a cracker, or took our first step. Most of us achieved all three of these goals by the time we reached one year of age.

So, when I hear parents bemoaning the fact that their son is not on the "starting team" for local high sports....or their daughter only received runner-up in the latest beauty pageant when she should have been crowned queen.....excuse me for not being sympathetic....and forgive me when I roll my eyes and walk away. Good grief, I often wonder, is this how I would have been if God had not providentially placed Natalie, Hopey, and Charlie in my path? Life really is about perspective, which brings me to the latest Hollis news:

As you may have gathered by now, God has not opened doors for us to adopt again. In fact, Hopey's continual battle with heart issues prevents us from travel outside of the United States. On the adoption front, therefore, we will continue to financially support other adoptive families until the time God might choose to bring us another addition (our heart and home is always open). Now for the news: in October I will be sitting for the LSAT with plans to become a special needs attorney to advocate for the special ones in my state. My Write In run for State Senate last year taught me a valuable lesson that has forever changed my view of the world; I learned all who have been blessed with a voice have the awesome opportunity (some might add responsibility) to stand daily on behalf of the weaker ones in society. This is especially important since many, like my Hopey, cannot speak for themselves.

Yes, I am more frustrated than not as I watch Hopey and Charlie attempt to do the simple things of life each day without success....their constant struggle breaks my heart.....but the frustration is serving a purpose, because it is directing me to become a better mother and more of a fighter. In response, until Hopey speaks, I will boldly speak for her....and until Charlie can stand and walk on his own, I will rush to stand up for him! It always amazes me how God uses my brokeness to remake me and to teach me something new. (Lord help me as I plan to go back to school...ugghh!)

"Defend the cause of the weak" Psalm 82:3

To conclude, Hope and Charlie started preschool together a couple of weeks ago....I will give a preschool update once they get more settled into the routine. Let's just say it is a bit nuts right now as they adjust.

Breaking Down The Walls

2011-07-27T08:34:00.009-05:00

I was contacted by a friend several days ago who asked me to speak to her book club about Hopey's heart. Her group was just completing the book, "When Crickets Cry" by Charles Martin, which is about a little girl in need of a heart transplant. It was decided my real-life experience in dealing with a heart patient might prove to be interesting for the group. Never one to turn down an invitation to speak about God's wonderful gift called Hopey, I immediately said "yes" and decided to read the book in order to gain the perspective of my audience. As it turned out, God's additional purpose for having me speak to that awesome group of women was because He knew I would devour every page of the fiction tale about a character struggling to conceal a hidden past that hauntingly continues to rear its ugly head. In the end, the star of the book is forced to confront his past which brings great hope to a community and new life to one little girl, Annie. In short, the book teaches a lesson in humility: Ultimately, God is God, and we are not.

To get a glimpse into my love affair for sweet Hopey, a person really has to see that ringlet curled bundle of joy in action. Since the women I would be speaking to have never seen or even heard of Hopey, I decided to bring her along. Lydia brought her guitar to help me kick off the evening, and dressed in a yellow dress topped with a big orange bow, Hopey walked, hand in mine, in tow. After a short introduction, Lydia began playing a Hopey favorite: "This Little Light of Mine".

If you know an individual who has Down Syndrome, you are aware they are the most honest individuals you will ever meet at every stage of life. Hence, they do not put on airs for any group of people. Ever. If they are in a good mood, you know it.....but if they are in a grumpy mood, they don't hide that either. More importantly, moods can (and often do) change quickly. Hopey has an uncanny sense of knowing when a group of people are open to her versus when a group is not comfortable with her disability. Last evening, thankfully, the book club was eager to get to know my little heart patient, and she sensed it immediately.

As soon as the music began, Hopey smiled, danced, tried her best to sing, and was friendly with most everyone. She even reached out to give a couple of hugs. To say she was a total "hit" would be an understatement. Hopey achieved my goal for her with flying colors: she showed the group that she is a real little girl....and that is a HUGE step in breaking down invisible barriers that divide the "typical world" from the "disabled world".

As you know, for many years the disabled were hidden away in institutions or left at home with sitters where they would be kept safe from stares, rude comments, and danger. An untintentional consequence of those actions was the general public, as a result, lacked the opportunity to relate to them during those years. Reminded of the old adage: "Out of sight, Out of mind",unfortunately, because the disabled were "out of sight" for so long, when the wave turned and parents of the disabled began bringing their children out in public again, a painful learning curve was set in motion that has taken 40 years to establish. It remains a work in progress, but as a nation, we are on the right track.

Parents with disabled children in my generation continue to tear down barriers with the help of "Special Olympics" @ http://www.specialolympics.org/ , founded in 1968 by Eunice Kennedy Shriver...."Best Buddies" @ http://www.bestbuddies.org/ , founded by Anthony Kennedy Shriver in 1989....and the inclusive classrooms in our public schools. All of these serve to engage the community at large by purposefully forging relationships between the so-called "typical" and "disabled". Change takes time, just ask Joshua of old who didn't give up after circling the walled city of Jericho six times with no result. Pretty soon, it is my hope, we will live in a society without walls....a society that totally misses whether a person is black or white, has two legs or only one, and/or has an IQ of 70 or 120. In reality, each human life represents one uniquely and perfectly created by the Almighty who does not make mistakes. Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that God has a plan and purpose for us all.

So my night with the book club ended well. Before leaving, one even told me she plans to make more of an effort to speak to the disabled....she admitted she sometimes hasn't known what to say or how she will be received. I loved her honesty. Parents of disabled children already know the "typical world" is uncomfortable; afterall, prior to having our "special ones" we were all part of the "typical world" too.

Chappy retrieved Hopey from the book club after the second verse of "This Little Light of Mine" and took her home so I could speak to the group. When I returned, she was already tucked into bed and fast asleep. As I looked upon her chest, rising and falling with each beat of a broken heart, I had to shake my head in wonder at how God continues to use such a fragile little girl to break down walls of misconception that were built with the best of intentions.

And it came to pass at the seventh time, when the priests blew with the trumpets, Joshua said unto the people: "Shout, for the Lord has given you the city." So the people shouted with a great shout, and the wall fell down flat. (from Joshua 6:16 and 20)

If you would like to break down the walls today by doing something tangible, please click on the following link that will lead you to the story of a little girl with Down Syndrome. A gift of only $10.00 or $20.00 could mean the difference of life and death for this little one; and the only thing separating Robyn from a forever family is money you and I might spend on a lunch for food she is literally starving for. A college student, Chelsea Pearce, who is "college poor", has taken on the challenge of raising adoption funds for Robyn. Her love for the "least of these" was spurred by her on-going relationship with Hope and Charlie. Here is her link:

http://youwillgooutwithjoy.blogspot.com/2011/05/555-project.html

Next blog post: Hope AND Charlie begin a new preschool year TOGETHER!!! (This should be interesting).

Hopey Update

2011-07-20T12:51:00.003-05:00

Dear Blog,

Hopey's heart appointment was yesterday, and we were relieved to learn the aneurysm in her heart remains unchanged. The leaking in her aortic valve, however, has increased. It looks like Hopey will face a fourth open heart surgery at some point, but thankfully, not this year. When we left the hospital, I swear I felt 1000 pounds lighter....as if a boulder had been lifted up off of my shoulders. And I could breathe again.

This has been a very interesting year for the Hollis family. Yes, compared to other families, every Hollis family year is unusual as we learn to navigate the unchartered waters of raising two young ones with Down Syndrome who currently lack communication skills and the ability to avoid danger. But in addition to our "usual" unusual, this year, twelve year old Natalie has been battling a seemingly unseen force to find her own identity through a Russian birth steeped in alcohol abuse that eventually led to an American adoption. At the same time, sixteen year old Caleb has made his best attempts to overcome raging hormones and flee from beautiful teenage girls who routinely offer sexual favors to him. The enemy has been hard at work attempting to steer Caleb and Natalie off of God's path for sure.

I am thankful for communication; without it, I am 100% convinced this family would be in trouble. When our children were very young, we started a tradition called "The Family Meeting". It began with a precious mother of 14 who used to work for my beloved handicapped grandmother. Her name was Goldie. If I sit and ponder for a moment, I can take myself back in time and hear Goldie's legs, covered by thick nursing stockings, rubbing together as she would slowly make her way down the hall. I can hear her cackling laughs of joy and feel her tight hugs. She came to work for my grandmother when I was only 3 days old, and I was by her side days before she drew her last breath when I was 20.

Goldie loved to tell me stories, especially when she was out on the back porch breaking green beans into a brown grocery sack. As I would sit beside her, probably more a hindrance than a help to her, she often told me stories about how she and her husband (Frank) would hold court at home in the evening with their many children. She would giggle as she would recall how fired up her husband had become at one of the children. Then she would shake her head with a smile and say: "Woo-hoo, Melanie, those kids are a handful." At a young age, I decided I would "hold court" in my family someday too....just like Goldie.

True to plan, each evening before bedtime, our family gathers in the Great Room to discuss our day. This is a time for everyone in the family to have an opportunity to talk about something that has brought them joy, something that is bothering them, a dream or a discouragement, a goal or an achievement. Since each member of the family has a turn to speak, and must say something according to the "unofficial rules", communication has become a natural way of life. Hopey and Charlie remain in the room as well, and Chappy never fails to turn to them and ask: "Anything to say tonight Hopey? how about you Charlie?" (I can't wait until one of them finally speaks up and surprises us all!)

When the big kids were young, Chappy and I used the family meetings to detect sibling rivalry and would use those moments to subtly promote peace among them. As our children have morphed into teenagers, though, Chappy and I find the family meetings have become valuable platforms where we can openly discuss peer pressure, temptations, good choices, bad choices, and consequences. Following each meeting, we remind them they can come into our bedroom to discuss more private issues (our door is open until 11pm). It never ceases to amaze us when we hear the occasional tap at our door around 11pm. On cue, Chappy turns to look at me with an "uh-oh" look on his face. Typically, those 11pm visits surround pretty serious subjects. We take a deep breath, put a smile on our faces, and open the door to whatever subject comes our way. Lately, Caleb has worn the paint on our door nearly bare (darn those teenage girls who just won't give up!)

The evening before Hope's heart appointment, the subject was, of course, "Miss Hopey". The kids wanted to spend time revisiting the possible "why" God chose to give Hope an extra chromosome and a very messed up heart. The discussion took a turn, however, that led to each of us naming the positive changes in our lives that have occurred because of Hope's condition. And as Hopey made her way around the Great Room in true Hopey fashion: retrieving hug after hug from each of us....spinning around on her tip-toes in the middle of the floor while dancing to songs playing in her head....plopping down with a flop on the ottoman followed by endless giggles....and occasionally pulling the dog's tail just to get a reaction....the verbal list looked something like this:

Caleb: "Without Hope, I probably would have taken my athletic gift for granted. Because of her, I want to make the most out of my life. I want to live the life Hope and Charlie will never have. I want them to be proud of me."

Lydia: "I would've never raised money to help save Darya, Evan, Sasha, and Carlene from the orphanages, because I wouldn't have known about Reece's Rainbow or Down Syndrome. Now I look forward to fundraising every December."

Natalie: "I love Hope and Charlie more than anyone else in the world, and I would never have known what that love feels like in my heart if Hope hadn't been born."

Chappy: "Hope coming into my life has softened me, made me slow down, and has caused me to reconsider what is really important in life."

Melanie: "Before Hopey, I was drowning in spiritual pride but could not see it. God used Hope to break me into pieces so He could re-make me into someone He could teach and use. Without Hopey, we wouldn't have known the red-headed blessing called Charlie."

We ended the evening in prayer for our little angel girl, prayers for healing and prayers of thanksgiving....prayers of gratitude for a creative God who uses the weak to confound the strong. Then we sang at the top of our lungs: "This Little Light Of Mine", to which Hopey came to life. Arms stretched out and smile plastered across her face, she tried her best to sing along with us. Her excitement was so great, at times she would have to stop to jump up and down and squeal with delight. We sang, and we sang, and we sang.....God met us there as he often does, and we wept together out of pure love for our little imperfect one who has brought so many unexpected blessings to our lives.

"God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong" (1 Corinthians 1:27)

16 Days From Today

2011-07-03T13:46:00.005-05:00

Dear Blog,

It will be two years this October.....two years since Hope's third open heart surgery and the day I changed forever. "There is nothing we can do about the aneurysm in Hope's heart Mr. and Mrs. Hollis, we're very sorry"....though I distinctly heard the words with my ears, I fought them in my heart. "What does this mean....will she be able to live a normal life?" we asked, every fiber of our bodies seeming to plead along with our words for a positive reply as we asked the question. Four words have haunted us since that day: "We just don't know."

Since then I have lived in 5 month intervals. Following a 6 month heart check, I make a choice to pretend Hopey doesn't have an aneurysm in her heart for 5 months....but when we begin to near the date of the next appointment, life eerily stands still as the suffocating dread closes in on me again, sadly becoming an all too familiar visitor.

It is during these times, I have discovered, all of my senses go into hyper overdrive where very little escapes my notice. As has become almost customary, God again draws me and our family to the beach. He has much to teach this faith-craved student, and appears to believe this tactile learner learns most in the midst of His wondrous creation. So, while walking along the shore, I allow myself to drink in the Father's glory and abandon myself to Him.

Eager for His instruction, I first notice the ornate sizes and shapes of carefree fish zooming through the crashing waves and am reminded of the freedom God offers me because of a sacrifice made on my behalf eons ago; I hear the reverberation of thunder and witness cracks of lightning streak angrily from the sky into a once crystal blue sea turned black and consider the awesome power of the One I serve; then I giggle at funny looking sand crabs with big bugged eyes dance across the sand on imaginary tip-toes before diving into a hole I never even noticed only to find myself awed at finding true laughter in the midst of distress; coming upon a barely breathing jelly fish with long royal purple colored tentacles I see a lone piece of drift wood only a few feet away and use it to gently push him into the water for another opportunity at life when I suddenly recall scripture promising that each of our days have already been numbered. With each hour comes new reminders. By now I have surely repeated a thousand times: "I know, Father." But in all honesty, I'm not sure if I really do.

I still struggle with fear of the unknown; I guess that is part of adult life. Hopey seems to be seeing angels much more frequently, and I wonder why. It was just before her first open heart surgery when I learned about Hope's angels. In the pre-op waiting room, only minutes before she would be rolled out for surgery, the nurse non-chalantly whispered while taking Hope's blood pressure: "You are seeing your angels, aren't you Honey?" Not one to let a statement like that drop without some type of explanation, I asked the nurse to repeat herself. She shrugged and said with a smile: "I have been at this for a long time, and it happens with these little ones who can't speak alot...especially the ones who have Down Syndrome. Just watch her for a minute." And we did. In fact, we watched Hope for several minutes as her head turned from side to side and her eyes followed invisible friends all over the small curtained room, lighting up with a twinkle followed with a grin. "You see, I told you so. This little girl is being entertained by her angels."

I have seen those looks many times over the years since. Now I simply ask her: "Hopey, are you seeing angels?" She nods her head and flaps her hands with giggles. Lately, however, the events have been much more frequent, especially in the early morning. Hopey will raise her little arms and almost dance around while giggling out loud and looking from one angel friend to another. At times, her giggles are so intense she falls to the floor and rolls around uncontrollably laughing out loud. Chappy, the big kids and I become spectators until she finally spots us and comes to give us full hugs. No doubts remain in this family about the existence of angels, that's for sure, although we often debate about what the angel friends must be doing to make Hopey laugh so profoundly. And me, momma bear, I admit I find little comfort in knowing they could be the angels who would usher Hopey home to be with the Lord if her aneurysm did suddenly burst. I know an angel's job is not to give life or take life away, so I never try to speak to them---instead, I find myself requesting of the Almighty to give me more time. So far, thankfully, He has.

Hopey's heart condition has been a painful burden laced with significant lessons and opportunities. How many moms take their families for granted? I would guess many do. Since September 14, 2005, the day of Hopey's birth, I have not. From this aspect, my life was altered in a magnificent way. I truly live each day with my family as if it was the last we were all together. My motto: NO Regrets.

I routinely date my lover, belly laugh at all of Caleb's silly antics, happily take time to sit and write love songs with Lydia, feverishly work alongside Natalie as she attacks her learning disability, nibble at Hopeys toes and count her ribs for screams of delight and pick Charlie up for cuddles every time he crawls over and pulls up on my leg with a bright smile plastered across his cute little face (20+ times per day at least). I look at them...I mean I truly study their faces and features...I ask them countless questions so I will really know them...I hug them every time they are within arms reach saying "I love you" with each hug....I leave hidden love notes, praise every achievement, and cry with them when they're hurt...I watch hours of Barney and Sesame Street and have been changing diapers for 6 years straight (changing diapers for 2 babies for three years) without frustration. I take time each week to dance with them while singing at the top of my lungs, I make time to cook their favorite meals, and I kiss them goodnight every night. So while Hopey's aneurysm has brought much pain, it has also caused me to live life in a unique way. Since my family dynamic could literally change in an instant with a crude "pop" of Hope's heart, I live each day like it is our last. That has proven to be an unexpected blessing.

I hope others will learn from me. Life is fragile and fleeting. Refusing to consider the fact does not change it. And God continues to ask more and more of me....in fact, I believe He is asking more of all of His children. Just this week, through the challenges I am facing in gathering needed faith for Hope's next heart appointment, God is calling me to not only serve my family well, but to step outside of my comfort zone and free myself to serve others. I hear Him telling me to lavish His love upon others, and even though I am arguing with Him about my lack of time, He is reminding me to be obedient...that He will provide the time and opportunity. I only need say "yes".

"But I am hurting, Father, shouldn't this be about me?" , I ask. And He laughs at me, because he knows that I know. I am not here to be served, but to serve. Only in humbling myself to His way will I know Him, because He already knows me so well---He routinely dates me, He laughs at all of my silly antics, He has written the song of my heart and sings it with me, patiently He works with me through my life challenges, and He hugs me when I draw near to Him.... never ceasing to say: "I love you". He dances with me, weeps with me, asks me questions, and studeis my face intently. It is me who needs to to know Him, the great lover of my soul.

Hope's next heart check is on July 19th, only 16 days from today.

"Un-Learning" Is An Impossibility

2011-05-26T14:05:00.011-05:00

I finished the book called "The Priest's Graveyard" by Ted Dekker a couple of weeks ago. My favorite quote from the book: "The problem with any philosophical consideration is that once you open a door in your mind, you can never close it. Once you learn something, you can never convince your mind that you didn't learn it." Through all my years of study, I can agree with that quote wholeheartedly. There are truths I have learned, however, that I wish I could erase and make go away. But, alas, 'tis an impossibility.

***

Dekker's fiction novel, this time, centers around five simple letters: P-R-I-D-E. If honest, we all struggle with those five letters daily in a myriad of ways. This book, though outlandish at times, teaches fundamental truth worth chewing on. And I have been chewing.

***
My story began three months ago when Chappy and I decided to build a conservatory style sun room onto the back of our home. We don't "need" a sun room, but we think Charlie and Hopey do. We watch children playing outdoors each day as the weather turns warmer and our hearts grow sad that our two youngest cannot go out without constant supervision. Hopey, legs not too coordinated, takes frequent tumbles and doesn't manage steps very well. As for Charlie, without someone nearby in the grass with him, he becomes overwhelmed and turns into a basket case of tears. With busy schedules, the best our family can seem to do is allot 30-45 minutes of outdoor playtime a day for the little ones....and they want more. It gets more and more difficult to tell a pig-tailed girl wearing big round rimmed glasses "no" when she is standing at the door with her face plastered against it wanting to go outside. "Dinner has to be cooked"...."I have to get the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer"....none of my excuses budge her. She stands with her face and hands pressed to the window panes. (And yes, at times I give in).

***

Chappy and I met with Rick Jaggers of Four Seasons Sun rooms to discuss building a conservatory sun room for Hope and Charlie in March. A conservatory is a room that is made of windows (even the roof is made of windows). Rick showed us the latest window option, that with a simple slide, could turn the glass room into a screened in room....allowing us to bring the outdoors safely inside for Hope and Charlie playtime. In addition, the room would have its own heating and cooling unit that could be adjusted to best suit their needs. We were so excited about this win-win solution!

***

Since we live in a neighborhood, we have to get approval from our home owner's association before making any changes to the exterior of our home. We filled out the paperwork, loaded into the van as a family and dropped the form into the mailbox of a friend of ours who is on the three member Architectural Review Committee (ARC) on March 16th, on our way out of town for Spring Break vacation. On April 27th, my birthday, we received the notice that our request had been denied. Denied. Why? Because two out of three people on a volunteer ARC Committee decided it would not meet the aesthetic look our neighborhood strives to attain. Their opinion decided our fate.

***

I looked through the neighborhood covenants and quickly realized the ARC only has 30 days to approve or deny an application. A surge of new energy gave root to hope that this conservatory could still be built. We dated and turned in our application on March 16th, but did not receive the denial until April 27th....well past 30 days! In addition, since the ARC took receipt of the application dated March 16th, did that not indicate it had become binding? My wheels were turning, and in response, I immediately sent out an email to the ARC and our neighborhood management representative to make them aware of their unfortunate mistake and to alert them we were going through with our conservatory addition.

***

This is where the trouble began. This is when I learned a "truth" I wish I could un-learn.

***

To make a long story short, one of my friends who is on the ARC committee told a lie. We left the ARC approval form in her mailbox (as instructed) on March 16th, but she told the other ARC members, the neighborhood management representative, and the neighborhood board that though our application was dated on March 16th, she did not receive it from us until March 31st. Therefore, according to her (and now the rest of the representatives), the ARC did in fact respond within the 30 day required period of time, making their denial of our request firm.

***

I emailed my friend to ask her what had happened. Had she been out of town between March 16th and 31st....had the form sat in her mailbox for two weeks? While she would not return my emails or make any contact with me, her husband did tell Chappy they had not been out of town and also admitted they check their mail sometimes twice a day since he works out of their home (he was a bit angry at the time because Chappy kept asking if they had been out of town---neither of us wanted to believe our friend would lie).

***

In trying to dissect this, I have come to a hypothesis: perhaps my friend, who is a mom with 4 young children, became busy and forgot about the application she retrieved from her mailbox on March 16th....then, when it was time for the next ARC meeting toward the end of the month, she remembered it and took it to the meeting. Finding herself too embarrassed to admit she had been holding onto our application for two weeks, she told the committee she had just received the form (never considering the other two ARC members might team up and deny our project).

***

Once they denied the project, however, she was in a real pickle....she could either gamble that I didn't really remember when I placed the form in her mailbox and tell a lie....or she could admit her mistake to the other ARC members making her look irresponsible. She chose the former. Unfortunately for her, our whole family was together when we dropped the form off at her house before leaving for Spring Break vacation---so it is a date we remember---thus impacting even our older children's view of this friend who signs every email with Romans 8:28 and hosts Bible Studies in her home.

***

We appealed the ARC decision to the board and were denied again. They decided to not get involved and overturn the ARC; as a result, no conservatory room for Hope and Charlie unless we are willing to spend alot of time and money on a court battle.
***

At first, I was so angry at my friend; after all, all she had to do was admit her mistake....everyone makes mistakes. But through reading Dekker's timely book, I was quickly reminded that if I spend time being angry with another's sin, I become guilty of the awful five letter word: P-R-I-D-E and end up missing my own faults and my own sin. I am no better than my friend or any other sinner on this earth. A tough lesson, but a good reminder to begin our summer.

***

"Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone." (John 8:7)

Judgment Day on May 21, 2011

2011-05-19T10:59:00.014-05:00

You would have to be living in a hole right now to miss the latest buzz 89 year old Rev. Harold Camping and his followers are making about the coming Judgment of God that is proposed to begin on May 21st (this Saturday) with a tremendous worldwide earthquake and the rapture of those who belong to Jesus. Many in Camping's group have sold all of their belongings, emptied bank accounts, and quit their jobs in order to spread the warning "to the ends of the earth". They have bet everything on Camping's Biblical teachings.
***
Yesterday's warning from senior official at the United States National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), Kathryn Sullivan, couldn't have come at a more opportune time for Camping's followers who are scouring the daily news for "preachable proof" that doomsday will in fact occur in only two more days. Sullivan states: "The intensity of solar storms is expected to peak in 2013 and countries should prepare for potentially devastating effects." What kind of effects, you ask? Many experts claim there is a possibility a solar storm could prove to be powerful enough to knock the United States completely off the power grid, effectively destroying the United States and other countries simultaneously for months...maybe even years. Sounds a bit doomsdayish, doesn't it? At a U.N. weather conference in Geneva on Tuesday, Sullivan continued: "It is not a question of if, but really a matter of when a major solar event could hit our planet." The solar storm news plays right into the agenda of the "May 21st Judgment Dayers"....as does the recent rise of Southern tornado activity, the devastating Japanese earthquakes, cataclysmic floods, crippling droughts, food shortages, economic upheaval, and the ongoing crisis in the Middle East (including breaking news of President Obama's endorsement of Palestinian demands that Israel return to PRE Six-Day War boundaries). No doubt, each one of these pieces of news could be read directly from Bible Prophecy, but put together in a span of months, it does sound a bit apocalyptic.
***
I am currently reading a 900 page book: "God's War: A New History of the Crusades" by Christopher Tyerman in my quest to understand how Catholics, Protestants and Muslims ever came to believe killing one another in the name of God could have possibly been right. The human psyche always intrigues me, and the "May 21st Judgment Dayers" captivate my thoughts as of late just as much as the Crusaders of old. My question, "WHY?", is simple, but remains unanswered. Perhaps the problem lies with charasmatic leaders who prey on unsuspecting followers on a selfish mission for power. Or maybe it is the prideful lust to prove something, to prove anything, in order to fulfill the all too human need of mere adequacy. Could it be the evil plotting and planning of the enemy, satan, and his band of fallen angels? Or might it be that every living being wants to believe in a cause that is bigger than themselves?
***
While I believe in God with all of my heart, and also believe His return is not only imminent but impending, my nature will not allow me to be so presumptuous as to name the date and time for the day of the Lord's return. Oh, but I am not guiltless....I have been presumptuous too.
***
In 2005, out of desperation after learning Hopey might die soon after her birth due to a complicated heart issue, a stomach defect, and an extra chromosome, I aligned myself with the "Name It And Claim It" groups. Reciting healing scripture out loud for hours each day, I believed if my faith was strong enough, Hopey would be born completely healed and whole....and she wasn't. Chappy was on the bandwagon with me while friends and family tried to warn us that we were being emotionally driven by what we wanted to believe instead of inspiration from God---but even through their frequent warnings, they were quick to admit how much they hoped we were right---how much they desired for Hopey to be spared of the struggle she would surely face at birth and throughout her life. Chappy's faith, in fact, proved much stronger than mine. On the day of Hope's delivery, when my own life came into danger as my blood pressure plummeted and nearly bottomed out, and in the midst of the drama that ensued as the doctors worked feverishly to save both Hope and me, I questioned everything. I even questioned whether God was fact or fiction. And for 18 months following, I continued to question.
***
Looking back with hindsight, I can now see God's plan in it all. He had so many lessons to teach me through the high risk pregnancy, through Hope's frightening birth, through the "Name It And Claim It" journey, through my many doubts....but mostly through my little angel who is completely imperfect by the world's standards, but who couldn't be more perfect for me and for Chappy. No opportunity is wasted with God; each moment, especially those that are tough, equates to a teachable moment when we are open to learn.
***
On Saturday, I will frequently think of the "May 21st Judgment Dayers" and hope against hope they are correct. Alas, I do not believe in the rapture, but I do firmly believe the Lord is returning soon to set up His Kingdom on earth....and I can hardly wait for that day to come. Oh, the celebration at hearing those trumpets sound and finally seeing His wonderful face!
***
If we awake on May 22nd, however, to find an earthquake did not shake the earth and fire did not come from the sun in the form of a great solar storm, my thoughts will again turn to the "May 21st Judgment Dayers". Their hearts will be broken and they will question their belief in God with a mix of anger, rejection, and bewilderment. My prayer on the days that follow will be for those precious brothers and sisters to learn more about themselves and about God through the experience....that what satan intends for harm, God will use for good.
***
Oswald Chambers sums this up perfectly:
***
"He said to me, 'Son of man, can these bones live?' " (Ezekiel 37:3)
***
"Can a sinner be turned into a saint? Can a twisted life be made right? There is only one appropriate answer---"Oh Lord God, You know" (Ezekiel 37:3). Never forge ahead with your religious common sense and say, "Oh, yes, with just a little more Bible reading, devotional time, and prayer, I see how it can be done."
***
"It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we see the activity and mistake panic for inspiration. That is why we see so few fellow workers with God, yet so many people working for God. We would much rather work for God than believe in Him. Do I really believe that God will do in me what I cannot do? The degree of hopelessness I have for others comes from never realizing that God has done anything for me. Is my own personal experience such a wonderful realization of God's power and might that I can never have a sense of hopelessness for anyone else I see? Has any spiritual work been accomplished in me at all? The degree of panic activity in my life is equal to the degree of my lack of personal spiritual experience."
***
"Behold, O My people, I will open your graves...." (Ezekiel 37:12) When God wants to show you what human nature is like separated from Himself, He shows it to you in yourself. If the Spirit of God has ever given you a vision of what you are apart from the grace of God (and He will only do this when His Spirit is at work in you), then you know that in reality there is no criminal half as bad as you yourself could be without His grace. My "grave" has been opened by God and "I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells" (Romans 7:18). God's Spirit continually reveals to His children what human nature is like apart from His grace."
***
May LOVE abound as we consider our own frailties....and may the Lord return quickly!
***

Life X 1000

2011-05-13T13:50:00.010-05:00

Have you ever been left off the invite list of a popular social gathering because of your special needs children? ***

Do you know what it is like to be stared at when your disabled child screams with stiffened arms and legs for ten minutes in a restaurant?
***
Have you ever listened to a passerby in Target exclaim loud enough for you to hear: "That child just needs a good spanking!" while your child is banging her head against the buggy and crying her eyes out?
***
Welcome to our world. And the little mischief maker in the picture above is the culprit. Ha! Ha!
***
Hopey is such a complex bundle of so many different things. On top of three open heart surgeries that have left her with an unpredictable and inoperable aneurysm in her heart, she can't see worth a darn and refuses to wear her glasses most all of the time, she is non-verbal in the human realm though seems to speak in tongues occasionally with the unseen angelic realm, her pigeon-toed feet produce frequent stumbles resulting in little purple bruises that decorate her tiny shins, and she has sensory integration issues causing unpredictable meltdowns lasting anywhere from five minutes to fifteen that can include throwing things, pulling the hair of whoever is nearest, or curling up into a fetal position in hope of escape.
***
I guess after completing the above list, I can sort of understand why we are no longer on the party circuit list (at least where family gatherings are concerned). Now, for a moment, imagine you are Hopey. Yeh, that's right, for a brief few seconds, put yourself into her little nicked up stride rite tennis shoes. Can you feel it? Can you sense what it must be like to be overwhelmed by your surroundings to a point where you feel you must either lash out in despair or do your best to hide from it all?
***
I was discussing all of this with Charlie's speech/feeding therapist this week when she suddenly jumped from the table and began to rummage through a drawer. Within seconds she stuffed a booklet in front of me and said: "You have to read this!" Here is what it said:
***

"This letter is written to all the friends, extended families, and neighbors of parents who have a child with Sensory Integration issues (SI). I have one piece of advice for you. The next time that you are tempted to comment or offer advice on their response to that child---DON'T!!! You see, unless you are an SI parent, or have lived with an SI child, or perhaps studied Sensory Integration Disorder exclusively for several years, there is no way you can fully understand what is happening in any given situation.
***

For an SI child, it is living LIFE X 1000. Every single sensation that they experience is multiplied over and over. It is walking out into a bright sunshiny day and being blinded by the light; not just for an instant, but for the entire time you are outside. Not just once in a while, but every time you go outside. Every day. All the time.

***

It is hearing a sound, any sound, all sound, and every sound like it was a boom box on your shoulder that is turned to BLAST volume. Every day. All the time.
***

It is constantly being aware of every piece of clothing that touches your body. Did you ever have a pair of pantyhose or a necktie that drove you crazy? You just couldn't wait to get it off. That is somewhat how an SI kid feels all the time. Most would gladly live in the nude.
***
Temperatures are extremes, smells are extremes, and some SI problems cannot be fixed. The best you can do is teach a child to respond to life and its sensations in a less that "X 1000" response. SI kids can and will dissolve into tears in an instant, or screaming meltdowns at what appears on the surface to be the slightest provocation. They can also sense the feelings of those around them and have an uncanny sense of feeling another person's sorrow. They can feel when they are being judged or rejected, when not a word has been said.
***
It is a long uphill battle for parents of SI kids. First they must learn to experience life and the world as their child does. Then they must teach their child to respond to it in a way that is "socially acceptable" and a way that does not harm their child in the process. This is not easy and these kids do not come with an instruction manual.
***
It is easy to spot an SI parent, however. They have a haggard look and their eyes often fill with tears. Tears of exhaustion, frustration, self-doubt, and fear.....but most of all, tears of amazing love for this amazing child God has given them.
***
So next time you are tempted to offer advice or criticize----JUST DON'T! Instead, give them a hug and offer a prayer for them. Pray for endurance, energy, understanding love and a training manual."
***
(the above letter was written by a grandmother of an SI child)
***
Can any of you relate??? Whew. Now throw Hopey's "non-verbal" on top of the SI issues, and our life looks eerily similar to a train wreck at times. As a family, we are left to look into Hopey's big ole eyes as she is melting.....and when we detect "fear" in those eyes, which is often the case when we transition from one public place to another, we hold her tight, speak assurance into her sweet little ears, and ignore all of the stares from onlookers until she works through it. In time, we have been told she will learn to manage it all, but right now, she is still a beautifully raw and honest five year old work in progress.
***
It is funny how a lesson can be learned by everyone in everything when our hearts are in tune to the Lord....you see, Hope isn't the only one being "taught" on this SI journey. Through this experience with Hopey, God is teaching our family a tremendous (and difficult) lesson in perserverance and patience. While it would be easier to never take our little angel out into public, without shaking up her routine with different sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and textures....she would never learn to cope. As a result, each time we gather her up in the van to take a trip to the grocery, to Target, or to a restaurant....we know what we are headed for....and we know the odds most often stack up in favor of a meltdown. But we go. We perservere. We push forward for Hope's sake.
***
Perhaps the biggest lesson has come as I have watched our older children deal with Hopey. To see our sixteen year old son and two twelve year old daughters rush to rescue Hopey during her meltdowns without considering the judgment of peers who often surround them in public places, is a constant reminder of their pure love and outrageous compassion for the little sister many would consider broken and disregardable....truly, their love for her outweighs every other consideration in their lives. "Don't you get tired of that?", one friend might ask after watching Caleb, Lydia, or Natalie's hair being pulled during a meltdown. Ears sharp, but without looking their way, I have heard each of them say more than once: "Are you kidding? I love her!"...and their love for Hope is a constant reminder of God's love for me (and for you).
***
How many meltdowns do we have as we bow up and refuse God's way in order to choose our own? How many times do we miss His love because of all of the distractions around us? Sometimes we lash out and sometimes we want to curl up and hide. Others even taunt our faith by asking: "Don't you get tired of that?" But God doesn't give up. His love reaches beyond what we can grasp---and eventually, we come around and see clearly that we can trust Him in the midst of the storms of our lives. The storms never go away, just like Hopey's SI will never completely go away...... as Hope learns through experience to trust her family in every situation..... we, too, learn to trust our Father. Perserverance is the key that opens the door of Love.
***
When God brought Hopey into our midst, He brought a training stick in the form of a little girl with an extra chromosome who lives "Life X 1000"!

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-04T17:11:00.006-05:00

To all the moms who have been chosen to love and care for a "special one"...be blessed this day with the poignant words of Erma Bombeck:

"Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger:

'Armstrong, Beth....a son....Patron Saint, Matthew.'

'Forrester, Marjorie....a daughter....Patron Saint, Cecilia.'

'Rutledge, Carrie....twins....Patron Saint....give her Gerard, because he's used to profanity.'

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles: 'Give her a handicapped child.'

The angel is curious: 'Why this one, God? She is so happy.'

'Exactly', smiles God, 'Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.'

'But has she patience?', asks the angel.

'I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it. I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence. She will have to teach the child to live in her world and that is not going to be easy.'

'But Lord, I don't think she even believes in You.'

God smiles: 'No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'

The angel gasps, 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'

God nods. 'If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, there is a woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a "spoken word". She will never consider a "step" ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creation.'

'I will permit her to see clearly the things I see----ignorance, cruelty, prejudice----and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be by her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.'

'And what about her Patron Saint?' asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. 'A mirror will suffice.'

Fetal Alcohol and a friend called "Betsy Brown"

2011-04-21T15:17:00.003-05:00

If you have been following my blog for very long, you have likely realized I use my blog more as a way to journal my own inner struggles and quests for truth than to report "on the life of". A wife of a successful business man and mother to five incredible children, three who have special needs, my life is a constant balancing act. Most of my time is spent trying to be everything to everyone. And sometimes I fail.

Natalie, now twelve, was adopted at age three from Russia and has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I homeschooled her (along with the rest of the gang) until she entered the public school system last year when I noticed she wasn't processing information the way her fifth grade curriculum required. After a few tests within the special education department, it was noted she could use some "extra help". Unfortunately, being plucked from Natalie's "safe" environment at home to be placed into a situation that allows for the constant scrutinization by fellow peers did not settle well with the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). In her valiant effort to prove her worthiness as a public school student, Natalie fell short. Being one of the only fifth grade girls in her class who did not own a cell phone, maintain a facebook account, wear the latest fashions, sport blush with the occasional eyeliner, and have a boyfriend did not make her the most popular. Teem those things with the fact that people born with FAS tend to be missing the extra sensibility called "tact", and you have a disaster. Basically, Natalie felt it was her obligation to let everyone in her class know why she didn't need a cell phone at age twelve, why she didn't need boyfriends...and why they didn't either....and so on. Get the picture? No tact = no popularity.

Having grown up in the public school system, I understand a thing or two about behavior (as most of you can probably relate). Basically, kids can be cruel. In response to Natalie's lack of "tact", she was shunned. Completely. And she didn't like it. After some time passed, unbeknownst to me (because of course, Natalie didn't even realize why she was being shunned), Natalie began to figure out that she could fit in and be accepted if she acted like everyone else and looked like everyone else. To make a long story short, she ended up stealing things from other students. If she thought make-up would make her more popular, she would steal make-up from a peer's backpack and wear it at school (removing it before coming home)....if she thought wearing silly bands would make her popular, she would steal silly bands and wear them at school (removing them before coming home). Having three special needs children in your home will make you more in tune with life than you ever thought you could be...trust me. So, when I started noticing the slightest change in Natalie's walk, demeanor, looks, etc., I began investigating. She was busted. I found her hidden stash in her bedroom.

To remedy, I went to the principle and asked him to give her in-school suspension in hope fear would over-rule the temptation to "fit in". After the second and third offense, however, I realized the temptation was just too much for Natalie. Since FAS and OCD tend to go hand in hand more often than not, I did not want to risk the act of stealing becoming an obcession with Natalie. I moved her back home to be homeschooled. That was in February.

Before I get to the rest of the story, I think it is important to remind you that FAS impacts the way Natalie communicates. She truly processes all information differently than one who does not have FAS. I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to decipher and decode Natalie's sentences and thought patterns...for instance:

One day Natalie was creating sentences from a spelling word list for school. One of the words was verdant. Natalie's sentence read: My family is verdant. She received a huge red "x" for her sentence with a note from her teacher stating that she had obviously not looked up the word before attempting to write her sentences. Natalie was terribly upset by the red "x" across her paper and pleaded with me to read her sentence and decide for myself if she was indeed wrong while attempting to persuade me that she had looked up the definition before writing the sentence. I took her paper in hand and said: "Ok, then, tell me the definition of verdant." She replied: "Green". "We're green, Natalie?", I asked. "Yes!", she nearly screamed. I took myself out of my own head (figuratively) and put Natalie's head upon my shoulders for a moment when the proverbial light bulb went off. As it turned out, Natalie's sentence was very appropriate since our family is big into recycling, conserving energy, and eating organic....we are a "green" family indeed. Ha! Ha!

This is one of about two-million "Natalie-isms". Dissecting the meaning of her thought patterns is a constant job, and staying on top of the process can be exhausting. At times, I am not on my game...this is when disaster knocks. And it knocked a couple of weeks ago in a tremendous way!

It was Wednesday, and I left the house at 12:15 to retrieve Hopey from preschool while leaving Caleb, Natalie, and Charlie at home. (Caleb gets out of school early on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). When I returned, Caleb was frantic and Natalie was in a state of panic. They were both speaking at the same time about the explosion in my bathroom. With Hope in my arms, now shrieking as she sensed the fear in her brother and sister, I tried to get both to calm down and let me know what happened. Caleb kept saying: "Natalie has done something, but she won't admit it!" while Natalie was simultaneously crying out: "I swear, mom, I didn't do anything!" (Swearing is another one of those things I will blame on Nat's stint in the public school---lying, though, she learned on her own).

After calming Hopey down, I left her safely with Caleb while I set out to assess the damage in my bath. My stomach was in butterflies and my hands were shaking...remember, they described it as an "explosion". When I entered the bathroom, I could see nothing but fog...lots of fog. And a smell in my bathroom choked me. I stormed out of the bathroom, slammed the door behind me and demanded Natalie tell me what she had done. Her response: "I swear to you mom, I found it like that. I didn't do anything!"

For all of you who have children with FAS, you will understand what I went through in the next thirty minutes while trying to pry the truth from Natalie...for those of you who do not have a child with FAS, there is no way on earth you could ever understand. Once a child with FAS has lied, he/she will go to the mat to make up lie after lie after lie to cover up the original lie until it is such a bundled up mess you just want to throw it away and forget it ever happened...but I couldn't, because I had a very thick fog hanging in my bathroom.

Finally, I said: "Natalie, I know you did something, because fog doesn't just appear out of no where. There is a reason you are not telling me the truth, but I have to get Hope and Charlie out of this house just in case you have done something that can be dangerous to them." Then I looked toward Caleb and said: "Caleb, let's get these little ones out of here!" Natalie, who was still on her knees from begging me to believe she was telling me the truth, quickly stood and wiped the tears from her eyes, ready and eager to leave with us. Quite deliberately, I turned to Nat and said: "Oh, no, you aren't going with us. Since you are not telling me the truth about this situation, you will have to stay here and deal with it the best you can. Good luck!" And with that, I turned toward the door.

And as we say in the South: "with two shakes of a sheep's tail" that little girl starting spilling the truth. Just as I suspected, Natalie Grace Hollis was not prepared to go down in the fog-ridden house alone. Ok, I can chuckle about it now, but two weeks ago I was mad enough to bite a nail in half with one chomp.

As it turned out, while I was retrieving Hopey from preschool, Natalie was meddling in my bureau drawers. She happened upon some pepper spray that I had when I was in college (I don't even want to share how many years ago that has been), and it had been long forgotten. In her state of curiosity, Natalie had taken the pepper spray and sprayed it all over my bathroom, not knowing what it was. Soon, she began to choke and realized she had done something very wrong that needed to be covered up....with every chemical cleaner she could find in my house. The result? A chemical reaction of fog and a smell I hope to one day forget.

I did not speak to Natalie for three whole days after this event. I was too angry and certain I might say something I would regret if I did try to talk to her. All I could think of was her stealing at school and how she was now trying to steal from her own mother. Why else would she be rifling through my drawers as soon as I left the house? Oh, I brooded.

On the following Sunday, Chappy took Caleb and Lydia golfing. I was left in the house with Natalie, Hope and Charlie trying to figure out how to best deal with my hurt feelings toward my twelve year old daughter. Like I stated before, because of FAS, communication with Natalie is difficult, but I knew I had to try to talk to her and find out "why". I called her into the great room and began:

"Natalie, I am sure you have noticed I have been avoiding you the last few days. I want you to know I am furious at you for what you did, but mostly because you lied to me. Daddy is going to be gone with Caleb and Lydia for two hours or more, so I am going to give you time to explain to me why you did what you did, and I am going to be quiet and just listen to you. I know you have a hard time formulating your thoughts, so try really hard to take this step by step and explain to me what happened."

Her response, just as she told it to me:

"Mom, I lied to you because I knew you would be so mad at me for what I did. I didn't mean to make a big mess and didn't know what that spray stuff was. I went to your room to look for my adoption papers because I think you are telling me a lie about my birth mom. Do you remember when we watched "August Rush" with Gigi and Poppy? Well I started thinking Elena (her birth mom) might have really wanted me but she thinks I am dead and you and dad stole me. When I went through your drawers I found that spray and knew I shouldn't spray it, but I couldn't help it. Something inside of me just had to know what it was. I told my hands not to grab it but they did anyway. When I sprayed it, the smell was so bad I had to cover it up. The next thing I know I was choking and there was smoke everywhere. And that is the truth. I am sorry I did all of that and lied to you."

My turn:

"Natalie, do you really think I am lying to you about your birth mom?"

Natalie:

"I'm not sure and it bothers me alot."

My turn:

"Are you going to keep going through my stuff until you find those adoption papers?"

Natalie:

"I know I'm not supposed to, but I probably will anyway, because I can't help it. I think about it all of the time."

So, Natalie and I spent the remaining two hours going through her adoption paperwork line by line. I showed her everything...I even had her read the papers out loud to me to make sure she understood every single horrible word. And she cried. And I cried.

Natalie cried because of the rejection she felt from her birth momma's statements in the adoption paperwork while I cried because I wished her adoption story wasn't so ugly.

Natalie cried because she was happy I wasn't mad at her anymore while I cried because I hadn't taken the time to get past my own anger enough to get to the bottom of the "bathroom fog saga" sooner. Three days was too long for anger to separate us, and the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

Natalie cried because she has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome because of a teenage mother who was a homeless alcoholic and drug addict....while I cried because Fetal Alcohol steals so much from Natalie. It makes her compulsive enough to spray pepper spray all over my bathroom and impulsive enough to try to cover it up with all kinds of chemicals....it takes the edge off of her comprehension of the severity of telling lies....and then the final bite, probably worst of all, it hinders her ability to communicate. Natalie lacked the necessary skills to come to me and make things right, so she had to wait in misery until I came to her and gave her uninterrupted time to try formulate her thoughts to express her side of the story.

This was a huge lesson learned for both Natalie and myself. Yes, I failed as a momma for a few days while I stewed in my anger....but I learned so much about Natalie. And my heart grew for her.

What does Betsy Brown have to do with all of this??? On Thursday evening, our family stopped to get a bite to eat in Alabaster, Alabama on the way to Florida for a long Easter weekend. Upon leaving the restaurant, Chappy with Charlie in his arms, sent Natalie back to tell me to watch my step when coming out to the car because there was a big step off of the curb and he was afraid I might fall when carrying Hopey out to the car with me. (I had stayed in the restaurant a bit longer to let Hopey finish drinking her water while Chappy left to pack Charlie into the car seat). A woman in the parking lot overheard Chappy use Hope's name and said: "I think I follow your wife's blog...is that little Charlie you are holding?" By the time I came out to the van with Hopey, Chappy introduced me to Betsy Brown who could call each of our children by name. We had such a great time meeting Betsy, who is a tremendous prayer warrior. Hope literally jumped into her arms and gave her huge hugs and many excited smiles. Their spirits connected supernaturally.

God used Betsy Brown to remind me why I keep this blog going....we all need each other. Perhaps the struggle I shared today will help someone else in another city deal with a similar journey....and maybe I will meet another Betsy Brown who will happily inform me of her prayers for our little Hopey's heart. We serve a God who is so great it is unfathomable, but at the same time, He takes the time to be involved in the minute details of our lives. Truly, He blows me away.

So today Father, and every single day, I trust you with Natalie's Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...with Hope and Charlie's Down syndrome....with Hopey's heart defect, with my energetic teenager (Caleb), with my drama-queen (Lydia) and with the love of my life (Chappy)....but most of all I trust you to teach me through my many failures. Thank you for your never-ending mercy!

Did Jesus Celebrate Easter?

2011-04-14T11:53:00.005-05:00

Monday, April 18th is Passover. How will you honor the day? While a Passover Seder meal can be very elaborate, since we have little ones at home who have short attention spans, ours will be simple. Here is how our family will celebrate:

1. Our table will be beautifully set to signify an important event. In the center of the table will be a plate holding three things: horseradish, a bone, and matzah (from Exodus 12).

To the present day Jews, the horseradish (or bitter herbs) represents the bitterness of slavery in Egypt; but for Christians, the horseradish represents the slavery/bondage of sin.

Likewise, to present day Jews, the lamb's bone symbolizes the unblemished lamb eaten before the Hebrew slaves fled Egypt, the lamb whose blood was placed over the doorposts to ward away the death angel. To Christians, however, the bone symbolizes the perfect Lamb of God, Jesus' physical body, that was sacrificed on the cross for our salvation.

Last, Matzah symbolizes the unleavened bread eaten before the Hebrews fled Egypt. For Christians, the Matzah represents a celebration of being free from the bondage of "leaven" or sin, because of the blood that was spilled on an old cross.

The historical story of Passover intertwines so perfectly with the death and resurrection of Jesus. As a family, we discuss all of these similarities before eating to set the mood for the evening.

2. We will eat a traditional Passover meal/feast (I will be happy to forward recipes for anyone who might be interested). The meal will not include any leaven (yeast).

3. After our meal, around the table, Chappy and I will share the story of Jesus' death and resurrection and how we believe the original Passover in Exodus was God's way of painting a beautiful picture of the Savior who was to come. One aspect of this time that always blows me away is when we discuss how Jesus died just as the Passover lambs for the Passover meal were being slain. Not a bone was to be broken in these sacrificial lambs (Exodus 12:46; Numbers 9:12). Jesus, the Lamb of God, was the perfect sacrifice for the sins of the world (1 Corinthians 5:7).

During the Passover time, a sign was hung on each lamb's neck to identify the name of the owner of the perfect, unblemished lamb....essentially, that lamb was taking the place of the person's name it carried around its neck....bearing the death penalty of sin. Each time the family looked into the eyes of the little lamb, they were reminded of the magnitude of their sin and the fate of death that had been placed on the little lamb because of someone else's sin.

In the same way, Jesus died with a sign hung over His head: YHWH, the Hebrew initials meaning Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews. He was our unblemished lamb, a constant reminder of the eternal death penalty we all deserve because of our sin.

How can all of this be coincidence? It cannot be. THAT is why Passover is so absolutely magnificent! And to top it all off, Jesus rose from the grave in three days; He arose from the grave on the Feasts of Firstfruits! It makes me so excited just thinking about it all. Our Father is so meticulous in His plans, because He doesn't want us to miss anything.

From "A Family Guide To The Biblical Holidays" (which is a MUST for every family yearning to follow God's Way): "On Nisan 17, when Israel emerged from the Red Sea, this emergence was a shadow of the fulfillment of the day of Firstfruits (Leviticus 23:9-14). This was the first of God's people to emerge from sin (Egypt). It was fulfilled 1,478 years later on Nisan 17, 30 a.d. when Jesus was resurrected and ascended to heaven as our high priest, the Firstfruit of the resurrected (John 20:17)." I'm lifting my hands toward the heavenlies and shouting right now....no human author could write such an amazing picture story of love! And it all began in Exodus, for us today.

4. We will conclude our evening with some dessert (typically yummy maccaroons) and some songs of worship. The Passover meal will be behind us, but the week celebrating the Feast of Unleavened Bread will be in full force. Again, remember, yeast represents sin. So, during this week, as a family, we use the time to open our hearts and minds to specific ways we can overcome our sin nature. This is a designated time during the year for us to be brutally honest with ourselves about weaknesses, temptations, and sin. Galatians 5:16-24, outlining the fruits of the spirit, is read each night during our devotion time during the week. In addition, we follow the suggested Bible readings from the book mentioned above: "A Family Guide To The Biblical Holidays". (I cannot say enough good things about this book!)

INVITATION: If you live in the Nashville area and would like to celebrate Passover with our family, let me know....you can bring a dish or two to share as we celebrate our salvation (and the roots of our faith) together!!! The only rules for food are: no leaven and no pork/shellfish.

Sooooo, the question everyone is asking by now: How about Easter? Well, did Jesus celebrate Easter? Of course not. What about the early church...did they celebrate Easter? Ten years after the resurrection of Jesus, in Acts 12, we learn of Herod's persecution of the followers of Jesus:

"Now about that time, Herod the king stretched out his hand to harass some from the church. Then he killed James the brother of John with the sword. And because he saw it pleased the Jews, he proceeded further to seize Peter also. Now it was during the Days of Unleavened Bread. So when he had arrested him, he put him in prison and delivered him to four squads of soldiers to keep him, intending to bring him before the people after Passover."

So, ten years after the resurrection, the feasts of God were still being celebrated while Easter was not mentioned (although a few translations have inserted the word Easter in the place of Passover since it has now become widely accepted by the Christian church). This begs the obvious question: Where did Easter come from?

While I would love to elaborate on this subject, I won't. I really do not want to create any enemies with my beloved blog followers. Sometimes tradition is so deeply rooted into the fibers of our being, that even when faced with factual truth, we will not allow ourselves to believe it. I will mention, however, that the Puritans did not come to America and celebrate Easter or Christmas, but they did celebrate the Holy Days from Leviticus 23. It was not until after the Civil War that Easter became a full-on American tradition.

To close, all in all, the Easter celebration is a personal choice everyone has to make. As for me, I know the bunnies, Easter eggs, and fancy baskets have absolutely nothing to do with my salvation and honoring God, so they don't bother me. I am comfortable placing Easter in a secular category, totally separate from the Holy Day of Passover. If you have replaced Passover with Easter, you might want to dig in, study, and reconsider.

Rapture Debate

2011-04-09T13:32:00.013-05:00

In continuing with an End Times study, this week will cover the mysterious Rapture:

1. Read Matthew chapter 24:

Verse 22: "And unless those days were shortened, no flesh would be saved; but for the elect's sake those days will be shortened."

Consider: If the "elect" were to be carried away by the rapture, there would be no concern for them during the end time events and no need to mention them in this scripture passage. However, in Jesus' own words, it is for the sake of the "elect" that the days of the tribulation are shortened.

Verse 37: "But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be."

Consider: During the flood, Noah and his family were not raptured away from the terrible scene. Instead, they had been prepared by God's Word on how to deal with the worldwide judgement that was to come. Because they were prepared, they endured to the end.

2. Read 1 Corinthians 15:

Verses 51 and 52: "Behold, I tell you a mystery: We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed---in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised incorruptible, and we will be changed."

Consider: If all are changed, how has the church come to believe only the true believers of Jesus will be raptured from this verse and how has the word "changed" morphed into a word to denote being "raptured"? Historically, prior to the rapture theory, this scripture passage was believed to signify that ALL people, the elect and non-elect (including those who had already experienced death), would be changed at the last trumpet sound into new immortal bodies prepared to be given a sentence of the eternal fate, either eternal life or eternal separation from God.

3. Read 1 Thessalonians 5:1-4, a letter written to followers of Jesus by Paul, but pay close attention to verse 4:

"But you, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day (end time events) should overtake you as a thief."

Consider: The term brethren, obviously, indicates followers of Jesus. The verse does NOT state the brethren will not be overtaken, but that the brethren will not be overtaken by surprise as a thief that comes in the night. In other words, the "brethren", because of the Word of God, have been prepared for what is to come.

4. 1 Thessalonians 4:

Verses 13-18: "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore, comfort one another with these words."

Consider: When taken in context, Paul was speaking to the Thessalonian church, who were concerned about the saints who had died prior to Jesus' resurrection. Paul was comforting them by offering assurance that following the defeat of death at Jesus' resurrection, all of the dead saints of old were resurrected as well. In other words, their spirits, which had been disrobed of their bodies at death, were raised and caught up with Jesus in the spiritual realm following His death and resurrection.

Because Paul preached and believed he would see the return of Jesus during his lifetime, when he said "we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air", he was probably expressing that their bodies would equally be disrobed of human flesh at the return of the Messiah, and that they too would enter the spiritual realm. The "rapture"then, according to Paul, would describe the event when our physical bodies are disengaged from our spiritual bodies....moving from the state of mortality to immortality either through death or by way of the second coming.

5. Luke 21:25-28: "There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time, they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift your heads, because your redemption is drawing near."

Hebrews 9:28: "So Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and He will appear a second time nto to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him."

Consider: Jesus came once to be the world's needed blood sacrifice to once and for all pay mankind's sin debt. At His second-coming, He will separate His followers from those who have chosen to follow evil, and will ultimately set up His eternal Kingdom on earth. First coming is mentioned in scripture. Second coming is mentioned in scripture. A third coming, or rapture, is not mentioned.

6. The rapture theory was not taught or embraced until the late 1700's and early 1800's, so it is a fairly new concept.

Conclusion:

The church, as a whole, teaches "theory" today, but packages it as "doctrine" in order to sell it as absolute truth when in actuality, "doctrine" personifies sinful man's best effort to understand God's Word within the context of personal bias, prejudice, church tradition and preconceived notions.

A dangerous weapon attacked the scriptures in 1551 when verses were added to God's Word. Up until this point, scripture was divided into books and was read as a whole. When numbered verses were added, preachers and teachers of scripture began to master the art of Homiletics, which is derived from Greek philosophy and rhetoric. Greek orators of their day, called Sophists, were able to preach whole "sermonettes" on one or two verses taken from Homer while standing behind a pulpit or sitting on a stage. They became so studied in "style" and "deliverance", it is said they could work up a crowd into a frenzy while expounding on only one or two verses. Today, Homiletics is taught regularly in seminary....and most pulpits are filled with teachers who preach entire sermons on one or two verses of scripture. As a result, much of the framework of scripture is lost resulting in theories (such as the rapture) becoming accepted and unquestioned.

The rapture is dangerously accepted by many in the church today who wholeheartedly believe the theory without putting much study into the subject. If incorrect, what will those believers do when they are caught off guard like the parable of the virgins who ran out of oil in Matthew 25? The message is twofold: Do not rely on a pastor to teach you what scripture says...read for yourself! AND, be Prepared!

Around My Knee To Get To My Elbow

2011-04-02T14:42:00.011-05:00

"Just as it was in the day of Noah, so it will be in the days of the Son of Man." Luke 17:26

You may have noticed I didn't post last week; instead, I have been reading, studying, and pondering with much prayer. In fact, I have put an additional 15 hours of study into what I am about to write, and I still feel quite inadequate to relay the progression of my study of eschatology. Above all, be reminded that I am but a sinner who has been saved by grace. I am imperfect in every way imaginable in comparison to the Almighty whose Holiness causes me to gasp. I do not speak for Him, but believe it is the responsibility of God-followers to know Him as best we can given our meek and humble stature as mere servants of the King of the Universe, and the only way to know Him more is to study His Word. The following post will take you around your knee to get to your elbow, but if you will stick to it to the end, you will be incredibly challenged:

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Most believers are living in a what I will call a spiritual cocoon. I can speak on this subject, because for 35 years, I was in that cocoon. Going to church every Sunday and Wednesday, sitting in pews that have been intentionally positioned to show respect and reverence for a knowledgeable speaker who stands behind a podium, I was naively lulled into believing each speaker had greater knowledge than I on the subject of God because of his degree and "spiritual gift". I was wrong, and perhaps you are wrong too.

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I will give one "for instance" that will hopefully give you cause for pause and consideration; however, first I need to lay some groundwork from which we all need to agree:

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Abraham was chosen by God to be the father of many nations who would ultimately become what is referred to as God's Chosen People. So, WHO are those people? If your answer is "the Jews"...you are partially correct. Actually, the Jews are descendants of the tribe of Judah, but there were eleven other tribes who were dispersed throughout the world and "lost" as Ezekiel prophesied along with the tribe of Judah. In other words, millions of men, women and children who were part of the twelve tribes of Israel were purposefully scattered throughout the world in 70 A.D. following the brutal siege of Jerusalem by the evil Titus. For survival, it was necessary for them to "blend in" to other cultures which resulted in their loss of identity over time. They married outside of their lineage, mixing with other races of people, until generation after generation began to completely forget where they came from. If you stop to think about it, most of us cannot give historical perspective on much more than our great-grandparents without significant geneological study. Thus, it should not be very difficult to understand how this happened to the Israelites (now called Jews).

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Ezekiel 36: "Son of man, when the house of Israel dwelt in their own land, they defiled it by their own ways and deeds; to Me their way was like the uncleanness of a woman in her customary impurity. Therefore I poured out My fury on them for the blood they had shed on the land, and for their idols with which they had defiled it. So I scattered them among the nations and they were dispersed throughout the countries; I judged them according to their ways and their deeds. When they came to the nations, wherever they went, my Holy Name was profaned when they said of the Israelites: 'These are the people of the Lord and yet they have gone out of His land.' So I had concern for My Holy Name, which the house of Israel had profaned among the nations wherever they went. Therefore say to the house of Israel, "I will sanctify My great Name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the Lord when I am hallowed in you before your eyes....for I will take you from among the nations and gather you out of all countries, bringing you back into your own land." (the regathering process began, of course, in 1948 when Israel was declared to be an independent state).

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Are all who call upon the name of the God of Israel actually a part of the twelve tribes of Israel? Could you and I have a remnant from the blood of Abraham, from one of the twelve tribes of Israel, running through our veins? Might that explain our yearning to know more about the Almighty? It is quite possible and exhilarating to consider. However, let's say that idea is way too far fetched for your daily dose of faith---then consider this verse: Galatians 3:29: "If you belong to Christ, you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise." So Jesus followers, according to Galatians 3, are Abraham's seed just as much as the "twelve tribes of Israel", the "Hebrew People", and the "Jews" are. Doesn't that immediately draw you to begin to consider the Old Testament in a brand new way?

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By the way, while we are on the subject, I personally do not like the term "Old Testament". The Hebrew word for the Old Testament is "The Tanakh" derived from the following Torah (first five books written by Moses), Nevi'im (Prophets), and Ketuvim (Writings). Basically, T-N-K has been put together to form the word Tanakh which, for me, holds meaning. The term "Old Testament", unfortunately, seems to denote something that is worn out and out-dated....whereas the term "New Testament" gives the erroneous impression of replacement....the "new" replacing the "old". There is no place in scripture where the Old Testament was done away with and replaced by the new, just as there is no place in scripture that replaced the lineage of Abraham with "Christians". In contrast, the Old Testament is relevant and the seed of Abraham is equally relevant.

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Now that I have layed some groundwork, I want to propose that you open your minds to consider an error being taught by many in the modern church today. Be warned, there is a spirit of religiosity that will not want you to see this truth for one reason: if you begin to open your eyes to knowledge proving what you have been taught to believe all of your life in church is NOT truth, you will become a seeker who will dig and dig and dig to know God's truth in every single aspect, no longer relying on the instruction of a pastor/teacher, because an eternal relationship with the Creator of the Universe is on the line. Having said that, fellow seekers, here goes:

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FACT: God does not change. PERIOD.

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1. Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14 discuss clean and unclean (Hebrew word for unclean is Taref which actually means unfit for use) foods. The message was for anyone wishing to choose to follow God's way. Many of the Levitical Teachings were for that particular time period (meaning instructions for how to get along while living in portable tents in the wilderness with millions of other people and without a police force), but some of the regulations given are still pertinent today. Because the "Old Testament" is too often assumed to have been replaced by the "New Testament", important wisdom is overlooked. One of these areas, I believe strongly, is in the arena of food.

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Several years ago, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer (thankfully, today he is cancer-free). During that frightening time, Chappy and I began to seek out books that have been written about eating healthy in order to avoid diseases. One fact that continually stared us in the face centered around the danger of eating pork and shellfish. To be honest, two southern- pork-barbeque-loving individuals couldn't have been more surprised to learn that pork and shellfish have been created with digestive systems that are very different from the systems of cows and chickens. In addition, we learned that eating grouper is healthy while catfish is extremely unhealthy.

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Upon studying this information at length, our family has not consumed pork or shellfish for over seven years. Recently a friend of ours said to us: "I wouldn't give up pork for anything!" How about you? You are probably aware pigs are known for eating their own waste, garbage, and even their own piglets that die from disease....did you also know they have one of the quickest and poorest digestive systems of any animal? This is an important fact. Because the pig processes everything so quickly, the toxins are not removed and become stored in the pig's fat. So, when pigs are slaughtered under traumatized factory conditions, pigs release those toxins (and hormones) into their muscles....and those toxins are passed right along to the consumer. And shellfish, are you read for this? Shellfish, like pigs, are scavengers (or God-made garbage cans). They take out all of the pollutants from the ocean and carry them around...when tested, shellfish are found to be full of mercury, heavy metals, and industrial contaminants. So, if you are looking for a healthy body, you might want to stay away from both pork and shellfish. No matter how well you cook them, you cannot rid them of harmful toxins that have become a part of them.

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For the record, unclean foods consist of the following:

Boar, Pig, Coyote, Dog, Fox, Hyena, Jackal, Wolf, Donkey, Mule, Horse, Zebra, Cat, Cheetah, Leopard, Lion, Panther, Tiger, Armadillo, Bear, Beaver, Camel, Elephant, Gorilla, Groundhog, Hippopotamus, Kangaroo, Llama, Mole, Monkey, Mouse, Muskrat, Opossum, Porcupine, Rabbit, Raccoon, Rat, Rhinoceros, Skunk, Slug, Snail, Squirrel, Weasel, Worm, Albatross, Bat, Buzzard, Crane, Crow, Eagle, Flamingo, Gull, Hawk, Heron, Loon, Osprey, Ostrich, Owl, Parrot, Pelican, Penguin, Raven, Sandpiper, Stork, Swallow, Vulture, Woodpecker, Alligator, Crocodile, Lizard, Snake, Turtle, Frog, Newt, Toad, Catfish, Eel, Marlin, Shark, Squid, Sturgeon, Swordfish, Clam, Crab, Lobster, Mussel, Prawn, Oyster, Scallop, Shrimp, Jellyfish, Octopus, Dolphin, Seal, Porpoise, Walrus, Whale

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In Leviticus 11 and Deuteronomy 14, God's instructs His followers to not "defile themselves" (defile = pollute) by eating any unclean thing. In other words, for a healthy body, God taught us what we should not eat. While everything the Creator makes is good, everything He makes is not necessarily good for us to eat.

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Ask yourself what the modern church teaches about this subject (if they teach the subject at all)? If you have attended church your whole life like me, you are probably already flipping through the pages of your Bible looking for Acts 10 when the sheet came down from heaven in Peter's vision. I promise you, if you will read Acts 10: 1- 35 you will find that Peter's vision was never about God's desire for Peter to eat unclean things, because God never changes. In fact, you will find that Peter was disturbed by the vision and said "No, Lord!" when God told Peter three times to "kill and eat". For most of my life, I envisioned that sheet coming down from heaven filled with sizzling bacon and fried shrimp. It was filled, however, with "all kinds" of unclean animals, beasts, creeping things and birds....including a horse, hyena, wolf, buzzard, bat, rat, and penguine mixed in with the pig and shrimp. Is it any wonder Peter said: "No, Lord!"????

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Next scripture says Peter sat upon the roof (where he had been praying prior to the vision) to think about the vision, wondering what the vision meant. Since he had to "wonder what the vision meant", the vision obviously wasn't clear for him and he certainly did not believe the vision meant for him to start sizzling bats and rats during his regular morning routine. It was then, when in his most bewildered state, he heard the spirit speak to him and tell him three men were seeking him. (isn't it fascinating that he had the vision of the sheet coming down three times in a row before the spirit spoke to him about the three men who were coming to visit him?).

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Peter normally wouldn't have gone with a non-Jew (who was thought to be unclean), but given the vision he had about the sheet, Peter went with the three men to visit Cornelius, a centurion of what was called the Italian Regiment. What Peter couldn't have imagined was how devout Cornelius was in seeking God through prayer and how giving he was to those in need. Remember, at that time Jews did not mix with non-Jews because they were often persecuted and sometimes murdered by those who were not a part of their faith. The vision of the sheet full of all kinds of unclean animals was God's unique way of drawing an unforgettable picture for Peter. It taught him that God considers ALL men, women, and children who choose to follow His Way to be clean and fit for the Kingdom.

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Why is this important?

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Once you open your eyes to accept that some of your church beliefs are not necessarily "God's Way" but merely "tradition", you will begin to study scripture with a more open mind. With open minds and hearts, we can all grow as believers. Consider this "Old Testament" (Tanakh) passage of scripture for a moment, with an open mind and with the knowledge that you are "the seed of Abraham" who serves a God who never changes:

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Leviticus 23 regarding the seven Feasts of the Lord says they are to be lasting ordinances (decrees) for the generations to come, wherever we live. Let that sink in. God set up celebration times for us way back in Leviticus, times for our families to gather to meet with Him regularly, and then decreed that we have a good time celebrating throughout all generations! What an awesome God we serve.

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Passover will be celebrated on April 18th by many Jews and followers of Jesus around the globe. AND, the Passover celebration is growing like wild fire in the Christian community. Why? I believe, again, prophecy is being fulfilled. Zachariah prophecied in the end times believers would go back to their "spiritual roots", and I see this as part of the "gathering" process. A miracle ushering in the end of time with seven biblical "Holy-Day"celebrations that will crescendo by way of the Feast of Trumpets when the trumpets announce the return of the Father for His children!

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Followers of Jesus are finding symbols in all of the feasts. And in celebrating the seven feasts, they are finding their faith becomes more tangible and real. For instance:

1. Passover : liberation from slavery : liberation from sin

2. Feast of Unleavened Bread : intentional removal of "yeast" which is a biblical symbol of sin

3. Feast of Firstfruits: Jesus became the firstfruit ("But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep." 1 Corinthians 15:20)

4. Shavuot : commemoration of the giving of the law : the disciples received the Holy Spirit on this day (Pentecost) : reminds us that God's law is now written within our hearts.

5. Feast of Trumpets: the gathering of Israel together (remembering God's sparing of Isaac) : reminds us that God will return at the sound of the trumpet to spare us for eternity's sake. Many believe the Lord will return on this special day!

6. Day of Atonement: the day the Priests would make atonement for himself and for the people of Israel : reminds us that we have direct link to God because of the supreme sacrifice of Jesus....a scapegoat is no longer needed.

7. Feast of Tabernacles: commemorating the time the Hebrew people lived in the wilderness following the Exodus : it is believed that Jesus was born during the Feast of Tabernacles, which is a beautiful portrayal of His leaving glory to "tabernacle" among us : reminds us to be joyful about the sacrifice that was made, and that our earthly bodies are temporary abodes....the Kingdom to come is an everlasting Kingdom!

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Whew, this has been a long blog post. And I am certain you are wondering how this is going to tie back in to the original theme of eschatology. Basically, if I can help you accept the fact that some of the things you have been taught in church have been based on man's tradition instead of God's Word, you might be open to consider the church might not be raptured prior to the tribulation. And the rapture is what we will discuss next week....at length. Bringing ourselves to consider that Christians may not be raptured has many ramifications, because most church pews are filled with folks who do not worry about end time events since they have read the LaHaye/Jenkins books about being raptured prior to the tribulation. Lulled to sleep in their "cocoons", too many have placed their bets on a prayer they recited as children to "repent of their sins and accept Jesus into their hearts"....since that time, they await the rapture that will save them from a tribulation to come....even though no scripture explicitly states their entrance into heaven rests on a simple prayer and no scripture explicitly states a rapture will occur. Believers need to wake up from slumber and take world changing events much more seriously. Why does what we eat matter? Because it matters to God. Why does keeping the feasts matter? Because they matter to God. The End Times are drawing nearer and Eternity is at stake!

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"Whoever has My commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves Me. He who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love him and show Myself to Him." John 14:21

The Five Cycles

2011-03-12T14:13:00.003-06:00

I must admit, I thought for sure I would lose some followers after last week's blog. The fact that you have stuck around signifies you are seekers like me, and are probably as certain as I am that no one holds all answers other than God alone. This week will be relatively short, but will be a "real doozy":

Daniel 12:4: "But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end."

Daniel 12:9: "And he said, 'Go thy way, Daniel, for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end."

Possibly you have heard all of the recent chatter about the Mayan Calendar and how it ends on December 21, 2012, supposedly ushering in the end of time. The Mayan people were interesting to say the least: they calculated the exact duration of a year to a thousandth of a decimal point, predicted every solar and lunar eclipse to this day, and found the exact center of the Milky Way (calling it the Sacred Tree---Or the Tree of Life). Considering the Mayans lived around 2600 BC, during a time many would have us believe cavemen were still roaming around with big clubs in their hands, the Mayans should give us pause for thought and consideration. We can all agree, I am certain, they knew a lot about the stars.

The following is something you may not know, that I find very interesting. The Mayan people divided time into five cycles, and every cycle had a well defined end:

Cycle 1: Ended when a Jaguar came and ate everyone on earth.
Cycle 2: Ended in air
Cycle 3: Ended in fire
Cycle 4: Ended in flood
Cycle 5, most interpreters of the Mayan Calendar agree, will end with earthquakes.

December 21, 2012 shares something else in common with the Mayan's prediction of the end of time....it is also a day when the Sun will hold still in the sky right smack dab in the center of our galaxy, the very point the Mayan's called the Tree of Life.

Since most secularists believe the earth has been around for billions of years, this would be no big deal....especially since the Sun passes the "Tree of Life" every 25,800 years (meaning according to their creation philosophy, this event has already happened many times). But for those who believe in a young earth, this becomes a HUGE once-in-creation deal.

Job 38:31: "Can you bind the sweet influences of Pleiades or loose the bands of Orion? Can you bring forth Mazzaroth in season? or can you guide Arcturus with his sons? do you know the ordinances of heaven? can you set the dominion thereof in the earth?

Mazzaroth....are you familiar with the term? The word simply means constellations.

Astrology is very different from Astronomy. Astrology plays into the "all about me" trap while Astronomy can assume an "all about God" strategy. What I am suggesting is that it is possible God placed the stars and planets in the sky in such a predictable order to speak HIS-story to us. It is a fact the Hebrews believed each constellation told a God-story: The Promised Seed = Virgo / Triumph of the Lion of Judah = Leo /Messiah Coming to Rule = Taurus / etc.

Since Satan craftily attempts to corrupt all things God intends for good, it is no surprise to see the constellations (called Zodiac) splattered over the Internet and in newspapers to "predict the future" for humankind. But God says:

Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God...day unto day utters speech and night unto night reveals knowledge."

Have you heard of the software called "Starry Night" that can take our present day alignment of stars/planets and successfully go back to any point in history to see, with great accuracy, what the night sky looked like on any particular evening. Are you ready for this? A little over 2000 years ago, a wonderful phenomenon happened in the night sky when two planets perfectly lined up to create what looked like a magnificent star in the sky. Hmmmm. Can you think of any relevance to a magnificent star and a significant historical event that occurred just over 2000 years ago? (Note: while we celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25th as a matter of tradition, it should be noted December 25th was actually deemed to be the birthdate of Jesus under the rule of Constantine in the year 336AD when he attempted to blend the pagan celebration of Winter Solstice with a Christian celebration in hopes of unification---therefore, in my opinion, the "date" of the bright star is not as important as the time period).

To close, I want to wrap all of these facts together into one big bundle of epic thought. Supposing God did indeed put the stars and planets in an orderly fashion in order to shout out His Way and His Truth to us, it can be inferred that the Mayans somehow understood this Divine connection. I mentioned earlier that the Mayans broke time into five cycles for a specific reason. Christians also break time into five cycles:

1. Creation - Flood
2. Flood - Abrahamic Covenant
3. Abrahamic Covenant - Jesus' Crucifixion/Resurrection
4. The Times of the Gentiles/Christian Era
5. The End Times

From the Old Testament:

Leviticus 26:33 "I will scatter you (Hebrew/Jewish people) among the nations and will draw out my sword and pursue you. Your land will be laid waste, and your cities will lie in ruins."

Deuteronomy 4:27: "The LORD will scatter you (Hebrew/Jewish people) among the peoples, and only a few of you will survive..."

Ezekiel 34:13: "I will bring them (Hebrew/Jewish people) out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements of the land."

Ezekiel 36: "And I scattered them among the nations, and they were dispersed throughout the countries; I judged them according to their ways and their deeds....'Thus says the Lord God, I do not do this for your sake, O house of Israel, but for My holy name's sake, which you have profaned among the nations....but the nations shall know that I am the Lord when I am hallowed in you before your eyes. For I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land."

From the New Testament, Jesus says in Luke Chapter 21:

"Then let them (the Jews) which are in Judaea flee....and they shall fall by the edge of the sword, and shall be led away captive into all nations: and Jerusalem shall be trodden down of the Gentiles, until the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled."

Jesus spoke these words around 33AD, and in 70AD Titus the Roman completely decimated Jerusalem, burned the second temple to the ground, scattered the Jews and banned them from reentering until Israel was miraculously reborn in May of 1948....and since June 6th, 1967, following The Six Day War, the Jews have ruled Jerusalem.

Prophecy fulfilled. Jews have been re-gathered from among the nations by the Almighty!

If the times of the Gentiles has been fulfilled, then we are living in the 5th cycle called The End Times right now. Next week we will begin to consider world-changing events that are unfolding every day in the form of volcanic activity, earthquakes, flooding, famine, food shortages, economic meltdowns, inflation, rising oil prices, etc. This is an exciting time to be alive!

Psalm 121:1-2 "I look to the hills from whence cometh my help....my help comes from the Lord."

Thinking Outside Of The Box: The Mark Of The Beast

2011-03-05T09:46:00.003-06:00

Many of us were taught about end time events from pastors and teachers throughout our lives. Have you heard of Dispensational Premillennialism, Historic Premillennialism, Amillennialism, and Postmillennialism? I grew up with the ongoing debate (that is still ongoing). If you have been taught about End Time events, just know you are reading this post with pre-conceived notions. Nothing is necessarily wrong with pre-conceived ideas as long as we are willing to "park" them on occasion to consider other thought. If you struggle with legalism, which I did for most of my spiritual journey leading up to Hopey's birth, this will not be an easy task.

Legalism is a terrible trap basically equivalent to the "P" word (PRIDE). How will you recognize it? If, when reading this post, you begin to become defensive and angry....you are experiencing a fit of legalism. Please know that I never presume to speak for the Almighty. I am just like all of you. I am a seeker. I believe in the Lord God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob just like the majority of religious people do....and I want to know Him as intimately as possible before meeting Him face to face. Therefore, thoughts and ideas shared in my blog are simply....thoughts and ideas. For this End Times study, however, know that I am attempting to keep it on neutral ground without adding my own influences and beliefs.

Now, for this week's study:

There are many religious viewpoints when it comes to views on End Time Events. For fun, see if you recognize your belief in any one of the following:

An anticipated deliverer will arrive on earth to defeat evil once and for all, raising up the righteous for an eternal life free from sin and suffering.

Oh, go figure, there is really only ONE religious viewpoint when it comes to the discussion of End Time Events. Interesting, huh? The differences are significant from the standpoint of what each religion embodies as their vehicle for salvation, sure, but the variances are only in the details describing "who" and "when".

My point is two-fold:

1. If all major religions, encompassing the overwhelming majority of the population of the world, can agree on two points:
a. the belief in God, and
b. the belief that a Deliverer is coming to destroy evil and rescue the righteous for eternity, then
perhaps these two similarities can provide a source of validity, for argument's sake, for atheists and agnostics to consider.

2. Since an overwhelming majority of the world's population can agree on two significant "religious" points, instead of dividing and separating into our own "camps" out of fear that one might contaminate the other, we could use this link to add more "LOVE" and acceptance into the "religious" equation.

Is Legalism rearing her ugly head yet? Are her eyes rolling as she spits this blog post out as "heresy"? If so, you are not alone, so don't worry. But consider this for a moment: Christians, you believe the Muslims are the Enemy....some even call "Islam" the anti-Christ. Would you be surprised to learn they feel the same way about you? And the Jews....they think both Muslims and Christians are a bunch of nuts. It is kind of humorous if you think about it. All "religions" believe they are right and everyone else is wrong.

"Every way of man is right in his own eyes, but God ponders the heart." (Proverbs 21)

Chappy and I took the girls to the Cracker Barrel on Thursday morning for a pancake breakfast. (I bet all religions could agree on the tastiness of Cracker Barrel's buttermilk pancakes as well). Throughout our breakfast, there was a man "holding court" at the large table directly behind us. He had his Bible and notes laid across the table and was telling his table, in a booming voice so the entire restaurant could benefit from his great wisdom, what he believed as he frequently flipped through his Bible to give scripture references to back up those beliefs. For an hour, we enjoyed our scrumptious pancakes while listening to a worn out sermon we did not want to hear. Chappy, finally, leaned across the table and said: "I wish that guy behind us would shut up!" The girls and I giggled because we were all thinking the exact same thought. This man was not "discussing" scripture, he was out to prove to his table that he had answers about God and discernment of scripture. Whenever anyone at the table would speak up and ask him to consider their thoughts on a particular subject, he would quickly turn to another scripture to prove them wrong and prove himself to be right....to be God's chosen ambassador placed in charge of beating the Bible into the brains of anyone who would listen.

"For the LORD is our judge, the LORD our lawgiver, the Lord is our king; it is HE who will save us." Isaiah 33:22

"Have you ever commanded the morning, and caused dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it? Have you entered into the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have you understood the expanse of the earth? Tell me if you know all of this." Job 38

Coming from a background where I thought I knew everything about salvation, I can now safely say that I remain at the mercy of God. I know my place. He, alone, is God....and I am not. As a result, people who proclaim to be experts in "All Things God" make me very nervous, and I stay far far away from them.

Since most religions deem the Old Testament to be somewhat historically credible and therefore relevant....let's consider the following from Exodus:

1. I am the Lord your God who has taken you out of Egypt (I am your Deliverer)

2. Have no other Gods but Me (I am the God you seek and I am all you need....worship only Me.)

3. Do not take the Father's Name in vain (If you place your identity in Me, --example: a wife taking her husband's name, making her a new woman who is no longer "one" but now joined to her husband with a new identity as wife---, your actions should line-up and show that you are Mine.)

4. Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it Holy (Schedule regular time to make Me your focus, because I want fellowship with you)

5. Honor your Father and Mother (God lovingly gives children parents to teach them about the importance of obeying authority; by learning to honor and obey parents, children ultimately learn to obey and honor their heavenly Father...and the cycle continues with each generation. On a side note, unfortunately, sometimes parents forgo their duty which is why orphanages and foster care systems are overcrowded....the incidence of the "forgotten children" breaking the law is proportionately staggering proving God's plan works when implemented.)

6. Do not Murder (Murder = taking someone's life without full justification. God is the giver of life, so man was never intended to be the taker of life.)

7. Do not Commit Adultery (In Ezekiel 16, Jerusalem is described as a wife that commits adultery...taking strangers instead of her husband. It is arguable that God views marriage as a present-day picture of our marriage to Him)

8. Do not steal. (Be willing to work hard to earn benefits needed for survival. If you have need, however, be willing to humble yourself to ask for help. By allowing another to meet your need, you have brought to them an unexpected blessing.)

9. Do not bear false witness. (The word "devil" comes from the greek word diablos and means "accuser". When we accuse someone without two or more witnesses and/or concrete facts, we are acting like the "devil" and bearing false witness.)

10. Do not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor. (Be satisfied---do not place importance on material things that will pass away or fade out, but focus on eternal things that last.)

Do you know what is so interesting about the infamous Ten Commandments? If you search the absolute genesis of any civilized society of every part of the world, you will find a list eerily similar to the Ten Commandments given at Mt. Sinai. One argument athiests often use to prove their point revolves around this very subject. They site the different cultures who used laws similar to The Ten Commandments, but were in place PRIOR TO the event on Mt. Sinai....then they propose that the Ten Commandments and Exodus was just a copycat (hoax) story used to control people (crowd control, if you will). Funny to me, is they never stop to consider how remarkable it is that these same laws sprouted up all over the globe by many different cultures and civilizations in ancient times when record-keeping was not the main priority of the day.
To me, in contrast to the athiests' view, this fact alone strongly validates how important those Commandments are in setting apart God's people. Only God could do something so remarkable as make the Commandments a world-wide phenomenon without the advent of television, radio, or those airplanes that carry advertisements across the sky!

To wrap up, since most religious people believe an end time event will usher in the defeat of evil while bringing eternal salvation for the righteous....and since most religious people also place significant value on the laws of God, can we safely agree, in generic, taking off our religious hat, terms, the Ten Commandments could be a "Mark" that is placed upon those who belong to Him....equally making the "Mark of the Beast" (the mark of evil) evident in those who don't follow the ways of God through their thoughts (on their foreheads) and their actions (on their hands)?

"And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice: If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand, the same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name. Here is the patience of the saints: here are they that keep the commandments of God, and the faith of Jesus." Revelation 14

"He that saith, I know Him, and keepeth not His commandments, is a liar and the truth is not in him." (1 John 2:4)

A Heart Full

2011-03-01T11:03:00.006-06:00

Yesterday, for the first time, I came to terms with the fact that Hopey may never have language. At 5 1/2 years, she still is not speaking. This morning when I left her at preschool for her 4 hour day of teaching and therapy, one of the teaching assistants looked at Hopey in the eyes and spoke sweetly to her. I watched as Hopey so badly wanted to respond, but could not with words. Instead, she smiled and craned her neck forward to show her reply of pure love and appreciation. I left the room bawling like a baby and cried out to God: "Oh Father, I just want to hear her tell me she loves me, please." Selfishly, I want my baby girl to have a voice.

My next stop was to drop off little red-headed Charlie for his very first day of preschool. At 2 and 1/2 he is still not walking or speaking and wants to be with me all of the time. Well, the truth is, I have never left him before except for a short stay with my parents when they come to visit from out of town. I guess he wants to be with me all of the time, or perhaps he has just never had another choice. Ha! Ha! Anyway, today marks our first official day of separation from each other since he will be going to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the school year. I left part of my heart in that special needs preschool room today, and my bawling has continued.

On top of it all, Chappy is out of town, so my tears are wasted. If he were here he would hold me and encourage me the way only he can. Hoping for something to bring cheer, I opened the computer and found a message from Carlene's new momma....you remember Carlene, the little angel our family raised money for over Christmas? She shared her blog with me, and if you have time you just have to read it today:

http://www.harrisfamilyjourneys.blogspot.com/

God is so awesome and so tender. This blog post was exactly what I needed to see today, and He prepared it perfectly for me.

My last blogpost was a bit lengthy, because it is sometimes difficult for me to write what the Father places on my heart. The LOVE I suggested in that post that seems to be missing in "religion" today can oddly be summed up by reading Jolie's (Carlene's new mommy) blogpost. You see, when our hearts are in tune to God's work, and we focus on loving others instead of always trying to prove our doctrine/beliefs, then our Lord works everything else out. Beautifully and quite seamlessly, he brings us together and shows Himself to us clearly. Truly, this life is a lesson about LOVE.

Oh Lord, Jesus, thank you so much for loving me today....and for loving Hopey, Charlie, Elizabeth, Carlene (to be called Mollie), and all of your special ones. You are magnificent! And my heart is full!

Salvation First

2011-02-26T11:38:00.010-06:00

This week marked the first week of nightly Bible Study devoted to the End Times. We began by taking care of the most important business first: SALVATION. That sounds like a simple enough term, doesn't it? But when eternal life hangs in the balance, that word should rank as the most important term for discussion in all of our lives and in all of history as well.

How many of you could rattle off, without much thought, the reason you know that you know that you know you are saved and marked for eternal life? Interesting thought, huh? How many of you came up with those thoughts on your own, based on an in-depth study of scripture joined with hours of study in history, to make certain your beliefs are based on as much factual evidence as possible? And how many of you would be willing to argue vehemently, threatening family relationships and friendships, over those beliefs?

OK, Baptists and Pentecostals (I can say that because my family and hometown was loaded with Baptists and Pentecostals), I can already hear your reply: "Salvation comes through FAITH! I don't need a bunch of facts."

Sure, faith is a key component of salvation since it revolves around the belief in One we cannot see with our eyes, audibly hear with our ears, or physically touch. However, it should not be overlooked that the Bible is full of pertinent facts, and recorded history can serve to back those facts, but it can also occasionally challenge them. It is for this reason, I believe, there are so many different religions, cults, sects, and denominations in our world. Say whatever you want to say, but everyone on earth believes something. And most either embrace what their family believed because it was such a positive experience for them, or they turn away from what they were taught as a child because they witnessed hypocrisy of some sort, making the beliefs they were taught unauthentic.

While Scripture is mysteriously timeless and unchanging, as we mature through our life experiences, the meaning of scripture often changes too. In other words, as our life perspective is altered, we essentially develop ideas and thought through a brand new lens. I have a recent example:

As a teenager, I read the book: "To Kill A Mockingbird" by Harper Lee. I read it again in December. One of the most famous quotes from the book: "Mockingbirds don't do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don't eat up people's gardens, don't nest in corncribs, they don't do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That's why it's a sin to kill a Mockingbird."

If asked when I was seventeen, I would have told you the book was written about the issue of prejudice surrounding blacks and whites. I remember feeling sad when Tom was killed in the book, and outraged by the injustice of his guilt sentencing. If I had been asked why the author gave the book such a title, I would have replied that Tom Robinson was the Mockingbird, and it was unfair for him to be shot and killed just because he was a black man.

My perspective had changed so much by the time I read the book 25 years later, I was stunned by it! Literally, it was like I was reading a completely different book. Through my new life lens, I was startled to realize the strange Boo Radley I had seen as an out of control boy in need of discipline when I was seventeen had turned into a mentally frail and disabled fellow who had become sucked into the wrong crowd as a young teen and was being parented by an overbearing father who was ashamed of him....Mrs Dubose, the old witch of a woman with a haughty spirit who had screamed at poor little Scout and Jem when I was seventeen became a drug addicted woman fighting with everything she could muster to be set free from drugs before she died....and Tom Robinson, the wonderful black man in the book, part of his arm had been cut off in a cotton gin accident leaving him with only part of an arm that didn't work at all....as a teenager, his having only one arm made his innocence of rape a stark reality even though the jury still found him guilty, and this made me angry. But as a teen, I missed the fact that Tom was both handicapped AND a minority.

The difference? I wasn't mom to three disabled children, and I was still blind. (It is interesting to note Harper Lee's mother was mentally handicapped and stayed shut in their family home most all of Lee's life.)

"To Kill A Mockingbird" is a book written about being open to accepting all people....being willing to look past the outer layers into the heart of a person.....especially the "least of these" who might be physically handicapped, mentally handicapped, part of a minority, or a person addicted to a substance or behavior. At seventeen, I had mastered the foundation of racism in the book with tremendous pride, but I had missed the intricate detail that had been masterfully woven into the very fibers of the foundation.

I wonder if we are guilty of the same thing when we read scripture? when we speak negatively about religious doctrine that differs from our own? when we turn our face away from the needy because they aren't easy to look at or to deal with? Have we been so religious that we have missed the intricate fibers that have been masterfully woven into the foundation....the very foundation of the world? Have we been so entrenched with promoting doctrine that we have too often missed the key to "the book of all books"..... "LOVE"?

For argument sake, Chappy and I discussed many of the different religions of the world with our children this week. The word "religion" is derived from the latin word: religio (verb: religare), meaning "to bind" or "place an obligation on". From a purely websterial standpoint, then, religion is simply a group of people who come together and obligate themselves to believe the same things...their similar beliefs is what "binds" them.

This week, instead of discussing the many ways world religions differ, our family worked to find a similar thread between all of the major religions. Of course there are many differences, but in order to see things from a "new lens", we focused on trying to find a common thread that might "bind" us all in some way:

Judaism: The Jews (named after the tribe of Judah, one of the twelve tribes of Israel) follow the teachings of the Torah and the Talmud. Jews believe in ONE God. The God of Abraham.

Christianity: The Christians, encompassing all followers of Jesus Christ, follow the Old and New Testament of the Holy Bible (the Old translated from Hebrew and the New translated from Greek). Christians believe in ONE God. The God of Abraham.

Islam: The Muslims, encompassing all followers of the teachings of the prophet Muhammed, study the Q'ran and follow its principles. They believe in ONE God. The God of Abraham.

Mormonism: The Mormons, encompassing all followers of the teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith, study the Book of Mormonism, the Bible, and other revelations of Joseph Smith. Mormons believe in ONE God. The God of Abraham.

Hinduism: Originally believed to be rooted in Hebrew Scripture when European tribes invaded India and introduced the new religion, Hinduism is a belief in one ultimate supreme God. Hindus accept the worship of many "gods" and "goddesses"; however, they believe each of these "deities" are ultimately lower manifistations (different representations) of the ONE true God.

(Buddhism: Many Buddhists believe in God, but Buddhism is not a religion. Buddhism is a formalized practice of working toward denying oneself of all human desires in order to find true peace and happiness.)

So what's the point of all this, right? The point is the human race is more alike than different and ALL people are searching for salvation and freedom from sin in one way or another...they use different words to describe their journey, but we are all on the same journey. Another interesting point to note: each of the religions listed above follow guidelines that are eerily similar to the Old Testament Ten Commandments, because the majority of mankind desires for their lives to have order, to have purpose, and to be honorable.

Our End Times study will be taken from a scriptural standpoint only, but I welcome thoughts from any of the religions listed above. Here are scripture passages we discussed this week as we discussed the epic theme of SALVATION:

2 Timothy 2:15: "Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

Isaiah 64:6: "But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are like filthy rags."

Isaiah 61:10: "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with jewels."

Philipians 2:12: "...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling."

Luke 18:7-8: "And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?"

James 2:19-20: "You believe there is one God, you do well. Even the demons believe and tremble. But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?"

John 14:23-24: "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My commandments; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. He who does not love me does not keep my commandments; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me."

Matthew 7:21-23: "Not everyone that saith unto Me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven; but he who doeth the will of my father in heaven. Many will say to me that day: 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in your name and in your name have cast out devils and in thy name done many wonderful works?' And then I will profess to them: "I never knew you, depart from me, you that work iniquity."

John 3:16-21: "For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God."

Psalm 32:1-2: Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit."

Open our hearts, Father, to Your Will and Your Way! Amen.

End of Time?

2011-02-20T15:01:00.004-06:00

There is so much talk in Christian (and non-Christian) circles about the end of time and how signs point to the dramatic conclusion of the world as we know it drawing near. Since our children have had lots of questions on the subject, I have decided to dedicate the next several weeks to an end times study of sort. I am no expert on scripture, but I do have an open mind and a crazy work ethic when it comes to digging into depths of history. In an effort to chronicle this "journey", be forewarned, I plan to blog about it.

In addition to an in-depth study of scripture, I will present current issues impacting our world and how these matters might relate directly (or indirectly) to prophecy in scripture. My dialog will not be based on any denominational bend, nor will I attemt to persuade the reader. My purpose for our children, for myself, and for this blog will be to offer thought for consideration based on scripture, history, theological opinion, and current events. Some of the material might be controversial in nature. I hope so. By pushing ourselves beyond what we have been taught throughout our lives to consider other options and opinions, I believe we necessarily gut ourselves of religiosity that too often hinders us from the work of the Spirit.

In closing, I hope you will agree we serve a loving God who would never wish us to be left off-guard. The very purpose of the Bible is to instruct us and prepare us. If the end of the world is drawing near, and certainly we are one day closer as each new day dawns, He will want us to be prepared and excited about the grand finale.

"Then the Kingdom of Heaven will be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were wise, and five of them were foolish. Those who were foolish took their lamps, but took no oil with them. But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight, a cry was heard: "Behold, the bridegroom is coming, go out to meet Him!" Then all of the virgins rose and trimmed their lamps. The foolish said to the wise: "Give us some of your oil, because our lamps are going out." But the wise answered, saying: "No, lest there not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell and buy for yourselves." And while they went to buy, the Bridegroom came. Those who were ready went with Him to the wedding; and the door was shut. Afterward, the other virgins came also, saying: "Lord, Lord, open to us!" But He answered and said: "Surely, I do not know you!" Watch therefore, for you know not either the day or the hour in which the Son of Man is coming." (Matt. 25)

Will you join me on this journey? If so, I look forward to your thoughts on the subject as we open our hearts and minds to the King of ALL Kings!

"Pro Life"....REALLY???

2011-02-02T10:42:00.015-06:00

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) has really been kicking me in the pants as of late. With the onset of hormonal changes, our twelve year old Natalie is struggling with a noticeable increase in her symptoms. Unless you have parented a child with FAS, you have no idea what it is like to teach and discipline a child who too often lacks the ability to comprehend reason....to attempt to explain a world full of abstracts when young determined eyes are betrayed by the twinkling portal to a hidden mind only capable of understanding absolutes....to try to adequately express the fact that being "different" or being called "weird" by peers is not the end of the world to a tear-streamed face with teeth gripped so tight the muscles in her face protrude....to give the same instructions day after day for nine solid years, one million times at least, knowing you will have to say it another two million times......while bearing the painful realization that part of the information will never completely sink in. Self control for a child with FAS? Always a battle. And boundaries for a child with FAS are only set to be tested. As a result, these little ones have to be parented constantly, and it proves to be exhausting to both parent and child.

***

What would you think about a law that would require pregnant mothers who are caught drinking alcohol to spend the remainder of the term of their pregnancy behind bars, locked in jail? While it will never happen in this country, the thought is worth pondering. According to statistics, 1 in 12 women drink alcohol during pregnancy, and 1 in 30 will binge drink. Those same statistics report any and all alcohol during pregnancy will impact the unborn child in a negative way, and every drink during pregnancy puts the unborn baby at risk for FAS.

***

Another statistic you might find alarming: Did you know 60% of the prison population has FAS? AND, to make matters worse, many of those inmates lacked the cognitive ability to make a logical judgment before committing their crime because of a disability that was 100% preventable. Perhaps locking up an alcohol-addicted expectant mother for 9 months would save her unborn child from spending adulthood locked behind bars for crimes that were unintentional and/or uncontrollable. I would argue the real crime was committed during pregnancy with a drink of alcohol.

***

There are so many orphans and unwanted children in our world (including our country) with FAS; the numbers are, in fact, quite staggering. While these children are difficult to parent, they are precious human beings with real emotions and deep feelings. With plenty of love and consistent instruction, these children grow to become productive adults who make a positive difference in the world. All they need is a chance.

***

As Nat and I navigate through this period of her life with its occasional mountaintops dotted with lots of valleys, I find myself becoming more discerning and contemplative as my heart both grows and pains for my daughter. My mind is definitely more keenly attuned to the world around me since I now sift all flow of information via the lens of a mother with three special needs children.

***

The truth is, I can't help rolling my eyes when well-meaning Christians pridefully broadcast the term "Pro-Life" as if it is a spiritual battle cry while the 'Natalies of the World' are rotting away in the foster care system and orphanages with no prospect of hope. To a simpleton like me, you see, being "Pro-Life" has come to mean alot more than salvaging a child in-utero....and it also amounts to more than mailing a monthly check to support organizations reaching out to unwanted children. I clearly see through our nine year experience with Natalie that she would have been destined for a life of imprisonment, drug/alcohol addiction, or even early death had it not been for our taking her in and lovingly parenting her.

***

In thinking through all of this, I do not want to leave the unsung heroes out of this blog: Natalie's mom and Charlie's mom are two women to be admired. Both found themselves young, single, and expecting a baby. Both could have chosen abortion. Both, however, valued life enough to have their babies.....and both dug deep enough to find faith in the belief that a family would come along who had the desire and ability to make their little ones a part of something priceless. Both were correct. Each time I successfully talk Natalie through the personal conflicts she continually battles because of FAS, I walk away feeling energized with the remembrance that her birth mother and I chose LIFE....and Natalie is worth it! In the same way, when I cuddle my little red-headed Charlie until he is softly snoring in my arms, I often grin with thoughts of his birth momma who valued his life....and trusted in humanity enough to allow someone else, me, the gift of raising him.

***

Pro-Life. It is a gigantic phrase. Before we go preaching it, perhaps we need to make sure we are living it! In my "Independent" political run for State Senate, I was educated on so much more than I ever anticipated by both sides of the political aisle. It might surprise you, as it did me, to know 'why' the Pro-Life stance is such a joke to the Democratic Party. More times than I can count, I was told that Republicans/Conservatives are "Pro-Birth", but not "Pro-Life". Unfortunately, alarming statistics can be rattled off to show the number of unwanted children around the globe who are either in less-than-perfect foster care systems or orphanages/institutions. Too many of these statistical children grow up to become adult prison statistics or suicide statistics when their destinies could have held such more if they had only had the love of a family. As stated to me by many Democrats: "After the Pro-Birth Republicans save the fetus, they forget the child." It is a subject worth considering....and that is something we can change!

***

The good news is there are hundreds of adoptable children in the United States right now who are waiting on that chance to be your "special someone", and the adoption cost is very minimal. Can't afford the expenses of raising a child right now? Then why not be a wonderful parent to a foster child? The foster care system will pay all the expenses for you. But if you have been blessed with financial security, why not travel to another country and save one orphan from the millions who are wasting away with no hope? Give the gift of hope! It will be the greatest decision you will ever make....Pro-Life means human beings are valuable in-utero until they take their last breath. I believe it, do you?

Lydia Meets The Little Miracle Girl!

2011-01-24T12:55:00.005-06:00

One day in November, around our family table, Lydia asked Chappy and me: "You know what I would most like for Christmas this year?" Since we don't make a big deal out of gifts during the season, we gave her a somewhat puzzled look. She responded: "I want to visit Darya". So in December, just before Christmas, our family made a stop in Florida to visit Miss Darya.

***

Most of you will recall, but for those who are new to my blog journey I will give a brief background. Each year for the holidays, our family raises money for orphans instead of spending alot of money buying gifts for each other. In November of 2009, Lydia found Reece's Rainbow online, an adoption agency that focuses on finding families who want to adopt international orphans with special needs....and better yet, they specialize in finding families for international orphans with Down Syndrome (obviously near and dear to our hearts).

To make a long story short, Chappy was away in Africa on a mission trip the day Lydia asked if we could make this cute little girl she had found on the internet with Down Syndrome, Darya, our "2009 Christmas Project"....then she added a kicker: "And mom, if I can raise the $20,000 needed to adopt her by Thanksgiving, will you agree that we will go save her and adopt her into our family?"

***

At the time, Lydia was eleven years old and Thanksgiving was seven days away, so what were the chances? Lesson learned: never underestimate child-like faith or God's mysterious ways. She did it!

***

When Chappy returned from Africa, he was quite surprised to learn he was going to adopt another little one with Down Syndrome, but pleasantly surprised. We immediately began gathering paperwork, getting fingerprinted, and working on our homestudy....then things were halted. Because of Chappy's age, I learned I would have to adopt Darya as a single mom. The social worker (and friend) who was preparing our homestudy said she didn't feel comfortable with making me appear to be a single mom when I am not; and quite frankly, Chappy and I didn't feel too comfortable about it either. Then, as a final blow, we learned about the aneurysm in Hopey's heart which would make travel with her an impossibility. As a result, reluctantly, we backed away. We sent the money Lydia had raised to Reece's Rainbow, with instructions for the funds to be used specifically for Darya, and then proceeded to close the door of our hearts to the adoption.

***

Lydia's heart was broken. More like shattered. In her mind, God had provided a miracle, so it had to be His will for us to adopt Darya. Lydia questioned our faith, she questioned God, and she grieved. We all grieved. Lydia felt our family had abandoned Darya.

***

But God works in wonderous ways, and He never disappoints. Just when we were at our lowest, we heard from a family, the Fick family, who had come forward to adopt Darya. I remember screaming for Lydia to come quick to read the message on my computer.....we hugged and cried and cried some more. Jehovah Jireh, Our Provider, had provided. In that moment, all the darkness we had been feeling vanished and we were again bathing in His Light! We knew in our hearts, in a way I cannot describe, that this was God's plan all along!

***

Lydia and I began following the Fick's blog and their progression toward their precious daughter-to-be. When they were in the Ukraine, Lydia and I checked the computer multiple times per day to get a glimpse of Darya and to hear a word of news. The tears we have shed over that precious baby girl cannot even be counted....tears of joy!

***

After reading this, can you begin to fathom what it was like on our ride to Darya's house last month? The excitement in our van grew the nearer we came to the Fick's home. Looking back now, I wouldn't even call it a "meeting", because to us it seemed more like a family reunion. Marianne and Joel, along with their boys, opened their arms to us and greeted us with huge hugs teemed with warm celebratory laughter. And as for Darya, I cannot say enough. God's radiance is all over that girl.

***

The Fick's prepared a mega-Mexican lunch for us (with Joel's famous homemade salsa rivaling any Mexican restaurant); we shared stories, talked about the greatness of the Lord, and watched every move Darya made. Together we were in awe of the Almighty who brought us together through the miracle of Love, culminating in the perfect salvation of a two year old orphan girl with Down Syndrome who had been born a world away in the Ukraine. Only God can write a story like that!!!

***

To the Fick Family: We love you!!!

***

Psalm 145:6 "They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds."

2011-01-15T15:18:00.004-06:00

Hope update: The aneurysm in Hopey's heart remains the same and the backflow (leaking) of her aortic valve appears to be unchanged as well. This is good news, and we are happy!

***

We will have a re-check in 6 months to make sure her heart is still cooperating. Many friends/family members have inquired about the size of the aneurysm, so I asked the cardiologist if he would consider it to be "small". He replied: "not small, but moderate in size." I don't know what "moderate" is in terms of an aneurysm, but maybe that answers a question for someone.

***

Just a few moments ago, as I was sitting down to begin this post, Hope came to find me and took my finger in her hand to pull me to the piano. She climbed upon the bench and waited for me to sit beside her. I asked: "You want to play a song with me?" She nodded a yes and began to plunk gently on the keys. Looking up to the music stand, I decided to play whatever page of music was present and sing along to make her happy....here are the words of the song Hopey and I played together:

***

"This is the air I breathe....this is the air I breathe....Your holy presence....living in me. This is my daily bread....this is my daily bread.....Your very Word....spoken to me. And I'm desperate for You. And I'm lost without You. This is the air I breathe.....this is the air I breathe....Your holy presence....living in me."

***

Accident? No, we serve a God who is never taken by surprise! I believe one of His messengers was pulling Hopey by one hand when she came to grab my hand. Imagine that. Hopey with one hand being tugged by an angel as she pulled me along with her other hand to the grand old piano. Perhaps the messenger even whispered to little Hopey who still remains without a voice: "Hey girl, let's go brighten the day with a dose of Jesus!" I'd sure like to think so.

***

Yesterday, when I entered Vanderbilt Children's Hospital, I was bogged down and suffocating with the nearly unbearable dread of knowing I was going to view a bubble in little Hope's heart on an ultrasound machine....visible proof that what the doctors have told us is very real. Shaken up with heart pounding, I could literally breathe only because of my Savior. Without Him, I am certain I could not bear facing Hope's chronic heart condition.

***

While Hopey used both of her chubby pointer fingers to peck at the keys, she lifted her perfectly round face up to the ceiling as if taking in every word I managed to croon. Separated by 37 years, 30 inches, and a different number of chromosomes, we both reverently reflected on "WHO" it is we eagerly worship throughout the song. Hope's feet dangled off the bench seeming to swing with delight as her spirit connected with the words about the Savior. And then it came to me like a flood: Hopey breathes only because of her Savior too....we all do. His presence is very much alive within us when we open up and experience Him.

***

Thank you for all of your prayers as we continue to walk this journey of faith and "HOPE", trusting the Creator Who holds the number of all of our days in His hands and knowing that when we blink our eyes closed to this earth, we shall open them to a new everlasting beginning with Him in glory! Blessed be His Name!

Our Little Princess

2011-01-09T22:30:00.009-06:00

You may have wondered why I haven't blogged in a while. Hopey has a BIG appointment on Friday (January 14th) of this week, and over the last few weeks, our family has been taking time to celebrate life with her.

***

On Friday, Hope will have her 6 month heart check-up and we expect to learn if the inoperable aneurysm in her heart is continuing to grow....and if it is changing, we hope to get an indication regarding it's rate of growth. Knowing this appointment was looming, and dreading it with every fiber of our beings, our family scooped up our ray of sunshine and decided the very best place for a princess to visit is Disney World (where all the real princesses on earth live). So began our two week journey of celebration in Florida.

***

Everything at Disney went pretty much to plan until we entered Epcot. What was our plan you ask? To pretend of course. Afterall, Disney is a place of "magic" where "dreams come true".....a safe place to leave all worries behind and choose instead to engage imagination and wonder.

***

From climbing on board the most famous flying elephant in the world to cozying up snugly in a boat to view magnificent singing dolls from all over the world.....from finding a perfect spot on the sidewalk to take in the afternoon parade to meeting up with Mickey Mouse for a big old hug and fist pumps....from eating junk food until we all felt sick as dogs to taking in the most beautiful fireworks display over a castle iced in colored lights with tinkerbell flying from the tip top along a zip line down...down...down toward a crowd of "oohs and aaahs". Simply Magical.

***

Yep, our plan was going just fine until we met Linda:

***

"How old are your two little ones?" she asked as she posed us in front of the massive silver ball whose extraordinary presence beckons guests to experience the wonder called Epcot.

***

While pulling Charlie and Hope out of the double stroller for the hundredth time that day and adjusting them "just so" for the photo op I answered over my shoulder: "Hopey is 5 and our little Charlie-man is 2".

***

Her next words caught me off-guard causing my cheek to involuntarily twitch along with the snap of the first photo: "They are both so adorable.....any health issues?" Any health issues??? The question I always dread.

***

I put on my best face, took a deep breath and answered: "None for Charlie, thankfully. But (pause) as for Hopey (longer pause) she has had her share of struggles with her little heart." Somehow I managed to get the broken words out of my mouth without allowing the puddle of tears that had suddenly gathered in my eyes to find their way down my cheeks.

***

The Hollis gang smiled for the next two shots and I walked over to Linda to grab our photo card while the rest of the bunch worked together to bundle the babes back into their strollers in the 50 degree windy chill.

***

I was surprised when Linda looked directly into my eyes and purposefully took my hand in hers as I reached out to take the card from her: "One day, everything will be made right....everything will be perfect.....and I know you know what I am talking about."

***

My puddle of tears became a gusher as I stood in front of that great big silver ball at Epcot, but ironically, I forgot about being in that "magical" place during those few moments with Linda. As I cried, she continued: "We will all see each other again some day, and on that day, Hope's heart will be completely healed."

***

I shared more about Hopey with Linda and told her about Hope's appointment this week and asked her to pray. She said her late mother's birthday was January 14th, and assured me that will be an easy date for her to remember. Linda promised to pray for our little princess on Friday.

***

As I walked away from our new friend toward all the "magic" Disney had to offer our family that evening, my heart lingered back with Linda. For some strange reason, I wanted to sit a bit longer with her and secretly wished the line of guests waiting for her to snap their photo had not appeared. In those few minutes of time in a land called Epcot, a stranger had taken the time to remind me of the place where all of our dreams really do come true.....a place of unfathomable magic....a place called heaven. Her parting words to me still ring in my ears: "Remember, everything will be made perfect, so there is no need to be afraid."

***

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away." Revelation 21:4

Thank you so very much for your prayers for Our Little Princess!

A Christmas Miracle Called "Elizabeth"

2010-12-17T07:58:00.007-06:00

Elizabeth. What a beautiful name. To most who glance at her pictures, the little girl in purple is just an ordinary girl. A big smile on her face, feeding her baby doll, you might be fooled at first sight. Elizabeth is no ordinary girl; in fact, she is absolutely extraordinary. She is a recipient of one of God's greatest miracles this season! Oh yes, this little one has been chosen to receive a gift from the King of Kings Himself!!!

Elizabeth was born with Down Syndrome and has lived her life in an orphanage. Orphanages are not joyful places, for many reasons, but primarily because "family" is missing from them. Each child is simply a number that needs to be fed each day....and they are not fed a hot meal cooked by a creative mom who wants to warm her child's tummy and nourish a growing body....but a paltry meal served out of basic necessity. Orphan boys who are born with the God-given desire to rough and tumble on the floor in a fun wrestle with dad, never experience the thrill. And as for the forgotten little girls with delicate fingers designed by their Maker to be tucked safely into daddy's strong hand, she never feels the scruffy cheek of her father's face nestled close to hers when being comforted after a frightening nightmare on a blustery winter night. Getting tucked in at night? Hearing a bedtime story? Tickles under the chin? No, those are pleasures orphans know nothing about.

However, life is too seldom measured in absolutes, so on a comparative basis.....when the standard is a mental institution, orphanges would be called the "Taj Mahal". The little girl called Elizabeth wearing purple in the pictures above is in a mental institution this moment....because she has Down Syndrome and because she is seven.

When orphans with special needs turn 5 or 6, they are determined to be unadoptable and are sent to mental institutions with people of all ages (including aging adults). In this place, orphans like Elizabeth witness all kinds of frightening phenomena: persistent screaming, people being tied to beds, abuse of the worst kinds, etc. Because funding is sparse and adequate help is even more sparse, it is not unheard of for children like Elizabeth to be tied down to beds and never held again when they enter a mental institution.

In thinking of Elizabeth today, I was reminded of another one who shares the name which means "My God Is Abundance":

"During the rule of Herod, King of Judea, there was a priest assigned to service in the regiment of Abijah. His name was Zachariah. His wife was descended from the daughters of Aaron. Her name was Elizabeth. Together they lived honorably before God, careful in keeping to the ways of the commandments and enjoying clear conscience before God. But they were childless because Elizabeth could never conceive, and now they were quite old." (Luke 1 The Message)

You probably know the story from here...an angel plans a surprise meeting with Zachariah in the temple to tell him some terrific news and scares poor Zachariah into a paralyzed state of shock. I can almost hear his heart thumping through his temple garb when Gabriel began to speak:

"Don't fear, Zachariah. Your prayer has been heard. Elizabeth, your wife, will bear a son by you. You are to name him John. You're going to leap like a gazelle for joy, and not only you---many will delight in his birth. He'll achieve great stature with God. He'll drink neither wine nor beer. He'll be filled with the Holy Spirit from the moment he leaves his mother's womb. He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God. He will herald God's arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics---he'll get the people ready for God!" (Luke 1 The Message)

Zachariah, the highly respected servant of God, we would suspect to be a man of great faith....eager to accept God's Words given to him via the messenger of God. But no, like many who receive a calling from the Almighty, Zachariah doubted.

"But the angel said: I am Gabriel, the sentinel of God, sent especially to bring you this glad news. But because you won't believe me, you will be unable to say a word until the day of your son's birth. Every word I have spoken to you will come true on time----on God's time."

And every word spoken did come true. John the Baptist was born to the barren Elizabeth and her doting husband, Zachariah. "And in all that Judean hill country, people talked about nothing else." (Luke 1 The Message)

Today, I am just as thrilled as Gabriel must have been when he met Zachariah to announce God's miracle in that ancient temple: Miss Elizabeth has been given the gift of a family! The little forgotten girl wearing purple was never forgotten at all; God never forgets a single one of His children.

When parents are unable to parent, or when they choose not to parent, God intervenes and searches the earth for new ones who will step in their stead. The world is full of wonderfully capable parents who just haven't recognized "God's Message" to them yet (which explains the overloaded orphanages and foster care systems around the globe). Thankfully, Elizabeth's family overcame doubts and fears when the call came halfway across the world to their hearts regarding saving a frightened little girl who is living in a strange new place without the love of a family.

So there we have it: two females who share the name Elizabeth with two great miracle stories: One story encompassing the birth of John the Baptist, the one chosen to spread the news about the Savior of the world to come......The other a perfect picture of the Savior Who has already come and Who will come again.

Stop for a moment and think about it, is there a more accurate picture of what the Messiah did for us than the story of little Elizabeth? Jesus adopted us, we who are handicapped in every way and in desperate need of being saved from certain suffering and death....in the Savior's eyes, we are all like Elizabeth. And just as she is being ransomed, we have been ransomed.

"Oh Israel, the One Who formed you says: Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name, you are Mine." (Isaiah 43:1)

Blessed Be Our God Who Is Abundance!!!

To give to Elizabeth's adoption fund, go to http://www.reecesrainbow.org/ and find her in the "My Family Found Me" section....and please don't forget our family's Christmas Angel: "Cutie-Pie Carlene" who is facing the institution and still in need of a family. To give to Carlene's adoption fund, go to: http://reecesrainbow.org/Carlene-gypf We have all been called to do something.

This Is What Christmas Is All About.....

2010-12-12T09:53:00.012-06:00

On Friday afternoon around 2pm, I received a call from Lydia and Natalie's school asking that I come retrieve the money that had been raised during the week for our sweet little orphan with Down Syndrome, Carlene, who is living in Russia.

Since Fridays are my cleaning days, I quickly took inventory of my disheveled body and noted I was definitely not prepared to make a run to the school....and then I looked at Hope and Charlie who were still in their jammies....and unfortunately saw they looked more of a mess than me. Since the school is a five minute drive from my house, I had approximately 15 minutes to get the three of us together and out the door before the school closed for the weekend; they were not taking "no" for an answer:

"We do not want to be responsible for all of this cash over the weekend; I am sure you understand. And we feel it would be too dangerous to send this much money home with Lydia and Natalie on the bus," was their final answer. Teachers trump Mom.

Have you ever seen a tornado rip through a town? Well that is sort of what Hope and Charlie saw coming at them when I hung up the phone. I ripped off Charlie's feetie jams and Hope's Elmo P.J.s in one fell swoop before they even had time to process what was happening to them....within seconds they were fully naked and then fully dressed. Equally as fast, I decorated my face, brushed my hair, and made my best attempt to give my hair a "fixed" looked with a few squirts of "White Rain" (every southern girl's secret)......I then tore out the door as M.O.A.M. (Mom on a mission).

Thankfully I arrived with enough time to walk into the school at a leisurely pace, pretending, of course, that I had been relaxing at home when they called....prepared for this visit all day long. When the school administrator left to get the bundled money, a teacher entered the room wearing a "Carly Bell" necklace around her neck.

The "Carly Bell" necklaces have been a successful fundraiser. They are easy and inexpensive to make, and students seem to love them. Lydia and Natalie came up with the idea and wrote the following to their school principal a couple of weeks ago:

Dear Dr. Staggs:

Here is a plan to raise money for Carlene, and we hope you like it. We have made over a hundred jingle bell necklaces. They cost almost $2.00 to make, so we are going to sell them for $3.00 each. We thought we would call this the Carly-Bell Project. Hopefully each time the bell jingles around the kids' necks, they will think of Carlene and be grateful for all the blessings we have been given because we live in the United States of America and hopefully it will make us more mindful of people who are less fortunate. Especially at this time of year. We hope you love this idea.

Lydia and Natalie Hollis

When the teacher entered the office wearing the official "Carly Bell" necklace, I could not help but smile. A little forgotten girl, thousands of miles across the world, was being honored today by this teacher and by a whole school full of fifth and sixth grade students in America.

"I like your necklace," I giggled.

She grabbed the silver bell hanging around her neck: "This has been a wonderful project for our school, and we are all so thankful Lydia and Natalie came up with the idea. All of the students seem very excited about helping an orphan," she replied, "and let me tell you something else......" she paused for a second and took a few steps closer to me to speak quietly as she shared with me one of the most wonderful Christmas stories of this season:

"I have a little girl in my class whose family has nothing; literally, they have nothing. This morning, this little girl came to me with $9.00 to purchase three Carly-Bell necklaces. I was shocked, because $9.00 for her family is alot of money....money needed for essentials like food and heat. She said something about wanting to help the little orphan when she handed me the money, and as I walked to the office to purchase her necklaces, I admit I was confused about why her family would allow her to do this. Throughout the day, I realized Carlene's story has touched this little girl. Perhaps for the first time in her entire life, Carlene has given this little girl an opportunity to reach out and help someone who is even more less fortunate than her. There was such joy on her face as she handed me the money for those bells. It wasn't about the bells for her at all, however, it was about her having the chance to reach out to help another little girl in need." she finished the story and turned to leave with a "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and I hope Carlene finds a family very soon!"

I took the money from the school and added it to our ziploc bag when I returned home. The bag in our house is loaded with $20, $10, $5, and $1 bills. I counted it this morning, and so far it contains nearly $2,000.00 raised for Carlene from bake sales, the Carly-Bell Project, Babysitting, a plea to Chappy's co-workers, etc. As I placed the wad of cash in the bag, I thought of the wealthy folks all around us who could write a check for $20,000.00 and save Carlene's life with the simple stroke of a pen without it impacting their lifestyle at all....I thought of other folks who could agree to forgo eating out for a week and give the $100.00 savings toward saving Carlene....yes, I was reminded, for most of us, giving is not a sacrifice at all. It is a choice.

For this little mystery student at Freedom Intermediate School in the small town of Franklin, TN, however, giving was a sacrifice....the fact is, she gave more than she had to give. And as she walks down the halls with those bells jingling around her neck, I can't help but believe those bells are being heard throughout the heavenlies as a reminder of a heart that truly pleases God. Her gift certainly opened my heart toward God.

"Can I see another's woe; and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's grief, and not seek for kind relief?" ( poem: "On Another's Sorrow" by William Blake)

Digging deeper than the little girl's gift, interwoven beautifully, is the familiar story of the Widow's Mite (Luke 21:1-6). Most people see the story as a measure of giving and the widow's heart to willingly give all she had; however, the story is actually much deeper in my opinion. The Pharisees of that day (church leaders) were so preoccupied with the beauty of the temple and with religiosity, they were guilty of completely missing God's heart. They had gotten so caught up in mistakenly believing their beautiful temple symbolized success with God, they missed opportunities that were slapping them in the face. If the Pharisees had been busier pouring money lavishly upon the poor and needy instead of their place of worship and all the trappings therein, the widow wouldn't have been so poor and needy. Luke 21:5-6 is very telling: "Some of the disciples were remarking about how the temple was adorned with beautiful stones and with gifts dedicated to God. But Jesus said, "As for what you see here, the time will come when not one stone will be left on another; every one of them will be thrown down." Jesus' point: These monuments are meaningless to Me! I care about my children!

So I am left with the little mystery girl who gave all she had to give to Carlene. What will I do? That is God's question for me. Will I go about my business telling others about this little girl's wonderful heart and do nothing for her? Will I sit in my heated home with a full refrigerator of food and my knowledge of another in my community who is in need and do nothing?

When God left glory on high to live among us, He literally came alongside us. It was never a "Me" and "Them" scenario to Jesus at all....It was an "Us". And if we seek to honor the Lord and love Him with all of our hearts, souls and minds, then we are to come alongside our neighbors just as Jesus did when He came to earth. God has an unusual way of waking us out of our spiritual slumber when we are simply willing to "see"....the irony of ironies is this: while I was rushing to make myself "presentable" on Friday afternoon, God was more interested in making my heart more presentable for Him. To the Creator of the Universe, my outside appearance is just as valuable as the beautiful stones used to make the temple of old....some day it will all be rubble. God is more interested in things that have eternal significance. Our hearts.

"He doth give His joy to all; He becomes an infant small. He becomes a man of woe; He doth feel the sorrow too." (Blake's Poem: "On Another's Sorrow")

As He did this for us, we are to go and do likewise!!! And that is what Christmas is all about.....

If you would like be a part of giving Carlene a home for Christmas, click on this link to make your tax deductible gift via paypal: http://reecesrainbow.org/Carlene-gypf

When God Gives A Gift

2010-12-08T20:04:00.010-06:00

"I know this is late notice Ronnie, but we really want to paint Hope and Charlie's room before Christmas; we are having some built-ins brought in for their bedroom in a couple of weeks. Could you make room for us on your schedule?" I asked, secretly hoping he could use some extra Christmas cash.

"I can be there tomorrow if you will call me back with a paint color." was his reply. I could distinctly detect a hint of pep in his voice confirming my suspicions.

Smirking a bit as I hung up the phone I thought: "Yep, tis the season that everyone is looking for a little "moo-lah"; and better yet, another mark off of my "things to do before the end of the year" list."

1:30pm, always on time, Ronnie and one of his helpers show up at my front door ready to paint. I quickly ushered Hope and Charlie into the great room, put a baby gate up to block little fingers from wet paint, and opened a few windows to ventilate the house. Within minutes I could smell the job being done and sniffed in the satisfaction thinking how great the babies' room was going to look.

At 4:30pm, three hours from when he stepped into my front door, Ronnie called for me and told me the job had been completed. I quickly scooted to the baby gate to find him standing on the other side wearing a big ole grin.

Taking a quick peek to view the freshly painted walls, I asked: "How much do I owe you Ronnie?"

"uuuuuuhhhhmmmmm......I'm not going to charge you anything....and let me" he began, but I quickly interrupted: "Oh, no, Ronnie, I am going to pay you for this job...tell me what I owe you."

He answered softly: "Just let me explain."

Folding my arms, I tilted my head to search the eyes of this gentle man before me....crows feet firmly outline years spent in laughter and joy.....and Ronnie has a scruffy gray beard that moves with his mouth as he slowly speaks with a very distinctive country-sounding drawl that will endear you to him immediately. All ears and a bit taken off guard, I listened as he spoke:

"My daughter has M.S. you know, and there was a time when she was on life-support. That was a difficult time for my family, and friends brought over food and money to be a help to us. We didn't need it, so alot of times we would try to turn them away, but pretty soon we realized that people just wanted to bless us with something so we learned to accept it. Alot of those folks who gave us things didn't have as much as we did, Melanie, and that was humbling........And you know, I go to church every Sunday and alot of times the pews aren't filled. A few months ago I got to thinking....just wonderin' why. I believe the reason is because believers just don't show alot of love to one another. Now Melanie, ya'll are going through a tough time right now will all the uncertainty about Hope's little heart, and you know I love that little girl, so I want to show you all love. I don't have alot I can give you, and I know you can pay for this paint job without any problem at all, but I want to give you something I am able to give. This paint job is a gift of love to you and I want you to accept it."

With a baby gate separating us just above the knees, I reached out and grabbed that sweet man's neck and hugged him like he was Jesus Himself. I guess in that moment, He was as near a likeness to Jesus as any I have ever known. I hugged Ronnie tight for a long time while I cried. Still sobbing, I couldn't speak a word as he turned to leave saying: "Merry Christmas to you all."

God touches the world every day when we touch the world......I am thankful God touched my world today through a man named Ronnie Smith. ......"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is LOVE." (1 Corinthians 13:13)

Dr. B (Part 3)

2010-11-28T07:35:00.010-06:00

Dr. B. spent only a few minutes describing his thoughts on Down Syndrome, but Chappy and I have spent days discussing those memorable moments.

The doctor's cowboy hat now in hiding, Dr. B. the grandfather to Seth, a little boy bearing an extra chromosome, softly spoke: "I have spent countless hours considering how Down Syndrome fits into Evolutionary thought" , hand now on chin and eyes looking away as if trying to recall specific hypotheses he had drafted in a mental list now tucked away, he explained: "according to Evolution, only the strong survive....and obviously, since Down Syndrome has been among us for many, many years, there must be a reason."

Chappy and I wanted to interrupt this larger-than-life man, to debate Evolution vs Creationism; however, we bit our tongues and listened intently as he continuted:

"I have actually written about this very subject; in fact, one of the most read articles I have ever written concerned Evolution and Down Syndrome. While I am still unsure on the subject, the best I can figure is that Nature itself somehow knows there is a significant need of love for all humanity. Our survival depends on it. In my opinion, individuals with Down Syndrome exhibit the purest form of love in the world, so Nature routinely selects human beings with Down Syndrome to survive because the human race needs them. There was a time when I was part of the group that believed children pre-diagnosed in the womb with Down Syndrome should be aborted, but I don't believe that way anymore. I now believe it is the duty of doctors to tell expectant moms not only the risks associated with raising a child with Down Syndrome, but also the benefits and rewards. I now see they have a purpose."

Enter beautiful young wife number ? pulling at Dr. B.'s sleeve. Her brief glance our way revealed what she was secretly thinking: Chappy and I did not measure up on her "who's who" list. Suddenly the soft man who had gently opened his heart to us for a few moments to share his innermost thoughts on a subject that had not only impacted his beloved grandson, Seth, but had obviously turned his own Evolutionary teachings upside down in such a way, without realizing it, he was desperately attempting to hammer a round peg into a square hole..... this man suddenly morphed into Dr. Cowboy again right before our eyes.

"It was nice talking to you"...."enjoy your evening." And our conversation ended. We were dismissed. Chappy and I felt like poor settlers, who upon entering an old western town after months of traveling in a covered wagon, had been given a few moments with Clint Eastwood, the sheriff of the town, before being sent on our way to find lesser "like folk" to associate with. Dr. Cowboy had more important matters to attend to, and our social status had been aptly measured and had come up a bit short.

As Chappy and I walked through the Frist Museum later that evening, viewing artwork crafted by the infamous masters over a hundred years ago, we thought of Dr. Cowboy. Both of us shed a few tears for him that evening while surrounded by slightly intoxicated partiers dressed in ballroom gowns and tuxedos, giggling out loud from the buzz the alcohol provided. Each masterpiece from the renowned collection of art was miraculous in itself to behold. How a mere mortal can create such intricate works of art from paint and brush never ceases to amaze me. Mortals. Men. Each long deceased. Each amounting to a pile of dust beneath a marked gravestone. Eternity decided.

The irony hit me. On a chilly evening in October, hundreds of the Middle TN elite gathered at the highly anticipated Frist Gala to view valuable artwork that was masterfully crafted over one hundred years ago by men who are now dead.....and to my knowledge, it did not dawn on one party-goer that evening that all the fame, fortune, education and prestige in the world does not matter when death comes. And we are all dying.

If I had the chance to say anything to Dr. B., it would be this:

Like the artists of old, our God is quite creative. In fact, to draw Chappy and me closer to Himself, He allowed us the privilege of becoming parents to a little imperfect girl on September 14, 2005. Through Hope's life, He has taught two sinful, selfish creatures volumes about His love, patience, compassion, and forebearance. In the last five years, it has been as if God has taken a key and unlocked our hearts. Before Hopey, the truth is, we didn't know love at all.

Perhaps, Dr. B, Almighty God is the "Who" you refer to as "Nature" and/or "Evolution". Maybe it is He who perfectly created little Seth and placed him into your life, because His love for you is so magnificently grand He wanted to draw you close to Himself. Each time Seth holds your hand tightly with his pudgy fingers, could it be God is reaching out to touch you through that hand? And each time you sacrifice your pride in order to stoop and help Seth do something that comes easy for most children, could it be that God is receiving floods of glory from your simple act of choosing humility? Could it be that His plans are far grander than "Nature"; and could it be that He is a master painter who is intricately brushing every detail upon this great big canvas we have called Time and the Universe?

The truth is that God will go to any length to make sure we have every opportunity to attain eternal life....even to the point of leaving glory behind to be born a man in order to wonderfully become the supreme sacrifice which became a requirement the day sin entered the earth. Oh, what an awesome God we serve! And best of all, His Way is so simple a child can understand it. God is God, and we are not. We need only trust Him the way a child trusts His parents to care for him. What a plan! What a Savior!

"Have you ever in your life commanded the morning or caused the dawn to know its place? Have you entered the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been revealed to you? Have you understood the expanse of the Earth....where is the dwelling of light? Have you entered the storehouses of the snow or have you seen the storehouses of the hail? Where is the way that the light is divided or the east wind scattered on the earth? Has the rain a father or who has begotten the drops of dew? From whose womb has come the ice and the frost of heaven, who has given it birth?" Job 38

"Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever humbles himself as a child, he is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." Matthew 18:3-4

emergency update about Carlene (from LYDIA)

2010-11-26T21:03:00.006-06:00

My mom just heard from Mrs. Marianne Fick and got some very bad news about Carlene. The Fillmore family is in Russia adopting the cutest little girl named Tatiana (think they are going to call her Anna) who also has Down Syndrome. The person in charge who is helping them with their adoption gave them an update on Carlene. Carlene is 5 years old and should have already been sent to the institution to die, but the baby orphanage agreed to keep her because a family had said they would come and get her. Something happened and that family couldn't adopt Carlene, but the lady in charge of adoptions in Russia hasn't told the orphanage yet. In secret she has been hoping another family will decide to come rescue her. It has been almost 6 months, so very very soon she is going to have to tell the truth...that no family is coming to rescue Carlene...when that happens Carlene will be put in an institution...and it will be very soon. Once she is in the institution, she will never be loved on again and I think my heart is breaking. Please please please give some money to help Carlene as soon as possible. If her adoption was payed for, there would be a line of wonderful families who would go to Russia to get her. If you want to give money to save Carlene's life, just go to www.reecesrainbow.org/carlene-gypf This is an emergency!!!!! God made Carlene because he wanted her to be a light to the world and she needs to be set free so she can be his light. We need to set his little light free so she can shine!

Hey Blogger World, It Is Lydia Again.

2010-11-24T00:30:00.003-06:00

*****It is Thanksgiving time again, and I asked my mom if I could use her blog to share what is on my heart.

*****Last year alot of you might remember that with God's help I raised $30,000 for a little orphan girl with Down Syndrome. Her name is Darya and she came home to be with her brand new family last month in Florida! The Fick family! And I love them!

*****Raising that much money for an orphan has put alot of pressure on me. Kind of confusing, right? Well I have spent my days wondering if I can raise the money again this year to save the little girl we are trying to help as our Christmas project. Her name is Carlene and I put her picture at the top of this page. Carlene lives in an orphanage in the Ukraine and she has Down Syndrome. She is 5 years old and I have been afraid to let her down. The truth is I have been afraid to let God down too.

*****My family is doing the same kind of things as last year. We are doing bake sales and babysitting. But this year I have doubted a whole lot. I realized today I am doubting myself and God too. The Bible says God can do anything, but I have been thinking He can't really use me to raise that much money again because last year was a miracle. And if I don't raise the money, then Carlene will end up suffering and it will be partly my fault. I am struggling with putting my faith in God and letting Him be in control....I am sure everyone has struggled with the same thing, or will at some point.

*****Tonight my mom was cooking for Thanksgiving and I tried really hard to explain to her how I am feeling. I have been trying to explain it to her for days, but I just couldn't put it in words. I cried because I couldn't explain my feelings to her. Finally tonight she understood and I think you all need to understand too. It is ok for me to doubt God, because He understands. God is measuring my heart and all He is looking for is people who are willing to have faith. He is in control of Carlene's life and loves her more than we can imagine.

*****I want God to do another miracle and raise $20,000 for Carlene to be adopted. I can't stand to think about her being stuck in an orphanage every day of her life. She is five years old like my sister Hope and has been without a family all those years. Pretty soon she will be put in an institution with different kinds of people who scream all day and are unhappy. They will be strangers to her and she will be very afraid. The workers will probably tie her to her bed and not feed her very much because they are poor. She will be hungry and alone. When I think of Carlene, I think of Hope and how I would feel if that was her in that institution. That is what makes me cry so much. I don't want her to wake up one morning and be in a scary place. I want her to have a family.

*****I am not perfect, no one is, and I have thought that me doubting God would mean the money would not be raised to save Carlene this year. I thought my faith was too weak. But it isn't. God only needs a little bit of faith to do big things, and I am praying he will use this letter to all of you to make your hearts love Carlene like He has mine. Just like He did with Darya last year. And look at Darya's life now. She is the princess in her family and they love her so much. My family is going to visit Darya next month in Florida and I cannot wait to hold her. She is God's miracle girl.

*****More than 1,000 people read my mom's blog every week. If every person who reads this gives $20 then Carlene will have enough money to get a family for Christmas. My family is already going to raise $1,000 from our bake sales and babysitting. If you want to give money this year, just go to: http://reecesrainbow.org/carlene-gypf and do it online:)

*****Matthew 5:16 Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. That is what we can all do this Thanksgiving. We can let our lights shine all the way to the Ukraine and save the life of a little girl with Down Syndrome who is waiting on her family to come get her. And God will be glorified.

I love you all even though I don't know you. You all helped save Darya last year and I think we will save Carlene this year. Have you ever really thought about it like that? We are saving lives.

Dr. B. (Part 2)

2010-11-21T08:41:00.010-06:00

The Frist Gala is no oridinary soiree, and Chappy and I were honored when chosen to be one of several couples to represent Chappy's employer (UBS) at the event. While this year's sit-down dinner kicked-off the world renowned "Birth of Impressionism", showcasing several pieces of art from Musee d'Orsay, the real show to most attendees is rubbing elbows with the "Who's Who" list of Nashville's rich and famous.....a virtual Southern-Style red carpet. Dr. B., well-known in Nashville circles, was propped against a tall table, elbows planted firmly with drink in hand, when Chappy first noticed him.

*****

To give a bit of brief history, I am a mom with five children, and for those of you who don't know me yet, my children are my life. You can most often find me donned in worn-out jeans and a simple tshirt while sporting barefeet so I can crawl around on the floor with the little ones on a moment's notice, join my pre-teen gals in an impromptu dance around the house to Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" or the all time best hits of "Abba", and still be ready to take time to shoot a couple of baskets on the driveway with Caleb (taking his corrective criticism with a smile on my face, of course). Like most doting husbands, Chappy loves to see me dressed up, because over the years it has become a rare occurrence as our family has grown. So, on the evening of the Frist Gala, I crammed my bare feet into high heels and quickly noted that twinkle in my hubby's eyes. Well, suffices to say, that adoring twinkle was quickly replaced by the serious glare of a man on a mission when my husband noted Dr. B.'s presence at the Gala. He went from Casanova to Jason Bourne in 2 seconds flat....from holding my hand on a leisurely stroll while viewing masterpieces of artwork by Monet and Manet to dragging me in my high heels through throngs of Nashvillians in a mere blink.

*****

"I'm wearing heels, honey", I managed to grit through a toothy smile while being pulled hurriedly through the main hallway. The entire time my mind was reeling as I conjured how I would break my fall with my right arm (since hubby had my left one)....how I would at the same time make sure my skirt did not fly up over my head showcasing the pair of "Spanx" I was wearing to hold all my flab tightly in place....and how if I pulled hard enough I might manage to yank free from Chappy's death grip so he wouldn't continue to mercilessly drag me along behind him without noticing I was flat on my rump.

*****

Still pressing forward, Chappy answered me loud enough for anyone interested to hear: "I see Dr. B. over there at a table and no one is talking to him right now."

*****

Roledexing....roledexing....then I remembered him....Dr. B. More motivated now, I forgot about my heels and and my "Spanx" for the time being and put my game face on to join Chappy on his mission.

*****

Clint-Eastwood Cowboy types typically do not wear monkey suits, but as Chappy and I came to a screeching halt at Dr. B.'s table, it seemed more like we had arrived at a saloon bar from an old Western movie. Just as we arrived, cowboy threw back a sip of his drink, let the glass hit the table with a clunk, and looked up at us with piercing eyes. He obviously had no clue who we were and I am sure was wondering why we were out of breath.

*****

It was the perfect moment for cowboy doctor to tip his imaginary hat and ask: "What can I do for you folks?" but instead, he said nothing. He just looked at us until Chappy broke the awkward silence:

*****

"Dr. B., I am Chappy Hollis and this is my wife Melanie....since you have seen thousands of patients in your career, I am sure you will not remember us, but five years ago....." and Chappy recanted the story. Hope's story.

*****

I stood by Chappy's side as he used his hands to reel the cowboy in to the story. The inflection in his voice would change from a fast paced stormy rush of words to a soft patter when he would speak of his little Hopey and all the struggles she has been through in her short life. A sentimental fool in love with his imperfect daughter, tears rolled from his eyes when he spoke about how God perfectly formed Hope to teach us about a deeper level of His love we would have never known without her being born into our family....Chappy unashamedly let tears drop, one by one, onto the table top without seeming to notice.

*****

Every once in a while, I would allow my eyes to dart across the table to see how receptive Dr. Cowboy was to the story....to see if "Chappy Bourne On A Mission" was stealing away too much of the Doc's weekend social time or if he had magically become engaged in the tale of a love that has overcome many obstacles. However, the majority of the time I blocked out the hustle of the elite dressed in ballroom garb, the endless chatter about vacation homes and job promotions, to intently look at my husband's face and listen to him pour out his heart about little Hope and about the Creator of the Universe who doesn't make mistakes. The Purest form of love oozed from his lips, and from my perspective, fell onto the ears of a prominent man who was already calculating his response.

*****

Chappy finished: "Do you remember when you told us that our paths would cross again in the future, and how we would have a mutual understanding in that moment of meeting....how we would both know what others have no clue about..... that we are indeed uniquely blessed beyond measure to have your grandson, Seth and our daughter, Hope in our lives?"

*****

"This may surprise you, but I do remember; in fact, I remember the appointment well", he responded with a sort of chuckle while nodding his head and swirling the drink he held with both of his hands. Head still dipped down, his eyes shot up at Chappy when he smuggly announced: "But my perspective about how God fits into this is far different than yours."

*****

To be continued......

*****

Dr. B. (Part 1)

2010-11-14T08:27:00.017-06:00

Pregnant with Hope, I learned quickly that doctors' visits were eerily equal to withdrawals from my spiritual bank account. To remedy, Chappy and I would attempt to make spiritual deposits by digging into God's Word days before, reminding ourselves of His unfailing promises. The news was too often grim and so it seemed the enemy would literally extend his long pointed claws deep into my soul to gut and steal away every ounce of hope he could find in my body. Dejected and dismayed, it was common to see my head hung low and tears streaming when I would climb into the minivan for the ride home. Chappy would often hold my hand in complete silence...giving it a squeeze every now and then as if to say: "I wish I could make this better."

But this doctor's visit was different.....enter Dr. B:

It was a sunny day and all the regular doctors were out on the day I met Dr. B. The way he glided into the room with his shoulders straight, head held high, and nod of the head, it was evident immediately that I was not his first patient. Portraying the confidence of a leather-skinned cowboy proudly wearing calloused hands born through years of handling rough rope and wide-eyed cattle, this was definitely not Dr. B.'s first rodeo. It seemed equally evident that Dr. Cowboy would rather be anywhere else than in the examining room with me.

After a brief introduction, explaining he was filling in for the high risk doctors I was accustomed to seeing on my frequent visits to Vanderbilt Hospital, he leaned against the counter and began flipping through my file. I suppose he was wearing bifocals of some sort, because his glasses were hanging precariously onto the end of his nose, and as he would flip the pages, he would glance up to look at me every few seconds over the top of the glasses before looking down to begin flipping and reading again. Closing the chart with a loud thud between his large hands, he finally asked:

"What in the world are you doing here?"

Having felt subtle pressure from the medical community many times about our choosing NOT to abort little Hopey because of her extra chromosome and heart defect, my husband was a bit edgy with doctors in general. In response, he nearly rose out of his chair as his voice boomed to the arrogant Dr. Cowboy:

"What do you mean....'what in the world are we doing here?" His tone was full of sarcasm.

Dr. B., catching on very quickly to Chappy's response, stood straight, waved his hand and answered with a smile: "No, no, no. You have taken me the wrong way. When I asked what your wife was doing here, I meant that the high risk clinic typically sees mothers who are at high risk during their pregnancies...high blood pressure, sugar, etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your wife; she is very healthy. In your case, it is your baby that is at risk."

From there, Dr. B. went on to explain how he could view hundreds of ultra-sounds of babies with Trisomy 21 and every one would be born unique. Markers that are seen in the womb do not signify developmental milestones a baby with Down Syndrome will achieve or not achieve. And then he reached for his wallet.

"I don't ever share this with patients, but I am going to show you something" he mumbled as he dug into his pocket to pull the wallet from his pants. He then proceeded to open it and flip through colorful pictures of a family he was obviously proud of. Looking up with a sort of smirk, Dr. B. lost his cowboy persona and began to speak to us as if we were his dear old friends:

"I know grandparents are not supposed to have favorites, but I have a favorite grandson." Pointing to a sweet little face, he gently whispered: "His name is Seth."

It only took a quick glance for Chappy and me to realize that Seth had been blessed with an extra chromosome. We all smiled. Chappy and I teared up, but nothing more was said for a few moments.

Dr. B. slapped his wallet closed and shoved it back into his pocket, leaned back on the familiar counter again with folded arms, and with great sincerity he spoke these words that Chappy and I have remembered for over 5 years:

"You don't know it yet, but you are in for one of the greatest blessings of your lives. The little baby you are carrying will teach you about a love you have never experienced before. She will love you unconditionally. If our paths ever cross in the future, we might share some words or even a glance, but on that day, we will both know that you understand what I am telling you today is true....that indeed, you little girl is one of the greatest blessings of your life."

Chappy and I left the hospital with a deposit in our spiritual bank account after that appointment with Dr. B. It was a few weeks ago, over five years later, that our paths crossed with him again at the Frist Gala in downtown Nashville. What transpired between us will amaze you....God, truly, works in mysterious ways.

(to be continued)

He Takes My Breath Away

2010-11-08T16:55:00.006-06:00

A few weeks ago, Chappy's office manager gave us tickets to attend the Frist Gala. Chappy dressed up in his penguin suit...I made my best effort to get gussied up for the event...and we prepared to leave our children behind for a fancy evening out on the town.

***

Caleb, our 16 year old (and the oldest of the kiddos), stood up when I entered the great room where he was watching a football game.

His exact words are etched on my memory and will never be forgotten: "My mom is gorgeous." As I caught my breath and willed tears to not come forth from my eyes, he stood and took three gigantic steps across the great room floor, bent down to give me a delicate hug, and then pulled away to just look at me with a smile.

***

Determined not to cry, I grinned for a moment, then as Chappy walked into the room, Caleb followed with a: "You guys have fun!" and took his place in front of the TV again....back into football.

***

I could not speak for thirty minutes. I knew if I said a word I would weep like a baby and end up looking like a raccoon for the evening. Chappy was so busy trying to get us to the Gala on time, he didn't notice how quiet I was. Finally, I gained my composure enough to say: "You are never going to believe what happened tonight before you came out of the bedroom." Chappy's reply: "Hmmm....what happened?" as he continued to speed down I-65.

***

My voice cracked as I told him: "When I walked into the great room tonight, Caleb stood up and said: 'my mom is gorgeous'". As I recanted Caleb's words to Chappy, all the tears I had been holding back came gushing.

***

Laughter from Chappy. I gave him a sideways glance through my blubbering and swiping of tears. More laughter from Chappy. Very out loud laughing!

***

"Why are you laughing?" I asked, still half crying but with a bit of an edge to my normally somewhat sweet southern accent as I rifled through my purse for a spare tissue.

***

"I am laughing because I know Caleb is going to be incapable of doing anything wrong in your eyes for a very very long time dear." Then he smirked....that kind of look Chappy gives when he realizes something has happened to make me very happy.

Of course he was right. In my 42 years of life, it is quite possible sweeter words have never been spoken to me than those coming from my sixteen year old, 6 foot tall, athletic boy who is dangerously close to becoming a man. On October 7th, 1994, a seven pound, three ounce little boy with big brown eyes took my breath away. Sixteen years later, he is still taking my breath away.

***

LOVE This Time Of Year

2010-11-03T23:25:00.004-05:00

Our family chooses to celebrate the holidays by raising money to help an orphan each year. Instead of buying gifts for one another, we find creative ways to earn money to help a child in need. This is a time we look forward to with great anticipation.

Last year, Lydia (along with her big brother and sister) raised nearly $30,000.00. The majority of that money was used to bring Darya home from the Ukraine to live with her new family (the Fick family) in Florida, and the remainder is being used to bring Evangeline home from a Russian orphanage to live with her new family in TN (the Hook family). Both Darya and Evangeline have Down Syndrome, and both are treasured by their forever families.

This year, we will once again set up bake sales, offer babysitting services, and rake leaves to raise money for the little angel girl we have chosen this year: her name is Carlene, she too has Down Syndrome, and she is living in a Russian orphanage. Unlike other orphans, an orphan with Down Syndrome is routinely placed in a mental institution, tied to a bed, and left to die following his/her fifth birthday. Carlene is five.

I have put together a book to help raise money for Carlene, and it can be viewed by clicking her adorable picture on the sidebar. Every cent of profit earned from the sale of the book will go to Carlene's adoption fund. If you purchase this book, or if you go straight to the http://www.reecesrainbow.org/ website and make a direct donation to Carlene, you are literally paying a ransom for her. Without our help, she will likely die very soon. Overwhelming statistical data shows orphan children placed in mental institutions only last a few months before going home to be with Jesus. Tied to a bed and never held or touched again, their death is a tortuous one. Carlene deserves a chance at life, don't you think?

The book is full of photos of orphans who are available right now on the Reece's Rainbow site. I have introduced the book as a ten day project for families to enjoy together over the holidays. Full of yummy recipes, the idea is that a meal will be cooked each day in honor of the child that is listed on the recipe page. Gathered together around a table, an empty chair will be used to symbolize the child who has never known the joy of eating a family meal. Prayers are said for the child and orphan awareness enters the minds of all those gathered around. It is so easy to be thankful for what we have when we become mindful of what others are lacking.

In scripture, Jesus fed the multitudes while He taught them about His way. It is my hope that families will hear from the Lord as they make this ten day project a priority during the season we are entering....the time of year when our Savior came to earth and adopted us, orphans as we once were. He wiped away the sin from our lives....never noticed our disabilities and failures.... He then took us by the hand and asked: "Won't you be mine?" I praise the Lord for His invitation to all who will come to Him!

Thank You!!!

2010-11-01T21:53:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow is November 2nd....Election Day! I am thrilled my campaign efforts end tomorrow, because I am exhausted from the hoop-lah!

I want to sincerely thank each of you for sticking by my side while I have waded through this uncharted, often storm laden, water. In running for State Senate as a write in candidate, I believe I have somewhat successfully taken a stand for not only Hope and Charlie, but for every special needs individual in the state of TN. Channel 5 and The Tennessean Newspaper were kind to run stories on my efforts and have helped me get the message out about restraint and isolation practices in our state. Hopefully I can be a part of a movement for more favorable legislation toward the special education students in the near future.

I will not be victorious in the eyes of many tomorrow when the announcement is made that Jack Johnson has been elected for a 2nd term, but in my eyes, I am a huge winner. Scared out of my mind, I managed to step out of my comfort zone to speak out for those who cannot speak up for themselves. I have been made fun of, heckled at, and chided by many....but through it all, I have kept the faith and have found the strength to stand.

Thank you again for being the truest of friends. You could have turned away and decided that politics was not of interest to you....but you didn't. May the Lord use this experience to draw us all closer to Him. May we come away more bold, and radical for the cause of Christ! It is all about eternity and standing before Him worn out, ragged, and disheveled, knowing we gave it all.

Sincere Love And Warm Hugs To You This Evening!

Take 5 Minutes To Stand For The Weak!

2010-10-31T10:10:00.008-05:00

The article below was on the front page of our paper today! I am asking every person who is willing to take a five minute stand for the weak to type the following comment at the end of the article: "Disabled children should never be locked in isolation rooms at school!"

I am not a politician, but I have received a big dose of political "smoke and mirrors" during this process. For instance, Jack Johnson proposed a bill that can be read online at the TN State Legislature site by simply typing in SB2517. The bill (that has been tabled) very plainly states that it would allow educators the right to physically restrain and lock special education students in isolation rooms at school based on the total subjectivity of what teachers would consider to be "emergency situations".

The current TN restraint and isolation laws , proposed and successfully passed by Jack Johnson, allow physical restraint and isolation rooms for special ed students. Johnson's addendum (SB2517) proposed early this year would have added a LOCK on the isolation room door....basically making the school a prison cell and the teacher a police officer.

If you read the Tennessean article, however, Johnson states he is against restraint and isolation rooms. What???

http://www.tennessean.com/article/20101031/WILLIAMSON10/10310312/2040/WILLIAMSON10

PLEASE, consider taking the time to post a comment on the article. If our voices are heard, perhaps legislators will think twice before proposing reckless legislation that impacts the most vulnerable of our society. To post a comment, you will have to register (it is free and quick)...and you will be allowed to use a fictitious name as well. Scripture calls us to stand for the weak. This is an easy stand to make!

On behalf of little Hope and Charlie....Thank you!

Hope and I Did An Interview With Channel 5 News!!!

2010-10-28T20:04:00.002-05:00

Sign Ordinance Limits Last Minute Stumping - NewsChannel5.com Nashville News, Weather & Sports

What does restraint and seclusion mean to your Special Needs child? - Nashville Special Needs Kids | Examiner.com

2010-10-27T14:17:00.000-05:00

What does restraint and seclusion mean to your Special Needs child? - Nashville Special Needs Kids Examiner.com

Free Political Speech In Franklin, TN? Not for this candidate!

2010-10-25T16:27:00.000-05:00

Five year old TN girl locked in an isolation room while at school withou...

2010-10-22T16:21:00.000-05:00

Disabled Children Are People Too!

2010-10-21T12:43:00.001-05:00

Melanie Hollis For State Senate, TN

2010-10-20T17:19:00.000-05:00

Watch This Video So You Will Understand

2010-10-14T21:40:00.004-05:00

Watch this video and have a deeper understanding of what the disabled children in our country are facing. The video depicts the actual restraint of a young boy in a Knoxville TN school. His crime? He was crying when his mother left him. The mother heard her son crying and came back to his rescue only to find he had been locked in a room and was being forcefully restrained. The educators refused to let her in to help her son. For three hours he suffered the abuse. Physical Restraint with Special Education students in schools is completely legal in TN and throughout the United States. It is imperative that ALL Americans view this to better understand why we need change. Be prepared to be shocked....it is legalized abuse.

http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyTfOnPLnSM&feature=player_embedded

CONTEST!!!

2010-10-13T06:05:00.007-05:00

CONTEST!!!

If I receive 800 "likes" on my Facebook Community Page by Friday, October 15th: "Write In Melanie Hollis, State Senate" (shown on the right column), I will draw one of the names from a hat to win a $100.00 gift certificate to http://www.147millionorphans.com/ . They have a great store, and 40% of all proceeds go to feed the hungry in Africa (win/win for everyone!) So, if you haven't visited my facebook campaign site, do it today....and tell your friends to as well. When you get on the page, choose "like" and your name will be in the drawing.....it is that simple! Together, let's get the word out that it is the responsibility of the strong to defend the weak!!!

What am I attempting to accomplish? For me, every single time a person in my district (District 23) writes my name on the ballot on November 2nd, they will be writing in support of my disabled children and the disabled community at large. Every vote for me will send a louder message to our state senator: "Disabled school children do not need to be locked in isolation rooms when they are at school, they need compassion."

Yesterday afternoon, I officially began campaigning for State Senate. I am not a politician, so this is new to me. Have you ever stood on the side of the road holding a sign while waving at total strangers? It is an interesting feeling. Many people returned my wave, and some even honked their horn in approval. Score a few points for my babes. Thanks for your support!

Happy 16th Birthday To Caleb!!

2010-10-11T09:28:00.026-05:00

The Hollis family has had such fun over the last several days....On October 7th, Caleb turned 16. After his football game on Thursday evening, we hosted a surprise party for him.....And he was definitely surprised! Chappy served as resident Disc Jockey for the evening spinning some beach tunes while the kiddos did some old fashioned "shagging" to the old fashioned music. Shagging is cool at every age, isn't it? (To be honest, some of the teenagers thought so, but others didn't!)

*********

The following day, Friday, was Franklin High's Homecoming Celebration. At 10:30am, we gathered at the downtown square to watch the parade pass through one of the oldest towns in TN on a beautiful, warm sunny day. Excited teenagers filled the brick lined sidewalks while the marching band and floats passed by. Cheers literally filled the air! The Freshman float came in 3rd place this year (Caleb was hoping for 1st place since he had a couple of scraped fingers from stuffing tissue paper for hours last week)....and he shouted out a loud "Momma!" as the wagon loaded down with Freshman football players passed us on the street. Quickly, his sisters asked: "What about us?" Ha! Ha! I had to teach the girls a quick lesson on "who" comes first in the family pecking order with teenage boys---it's always the one who feeds 'em. Ha! Ha! The day ended at the Homecoming Game where Franklin High beat their opponent quite handily.

**********

The chaotic week was capped of with the Homecoming Dance on Saturday evening.....Caleb's first official "fancy/schmancy" boy/girl dance! He took a precious girl he has been friends with since 6th grade, and they double-dated with some friends. Chappy and I were the drivers for the evening, so we decorated the "party van" and had a great time (we possibly had more fun than the teenagers!)

"Jesus"

2010-10-05T15:40:00.017-05:00

***
"God invites us to see His face, so He can change ours. He uses our uncovered faces to display His glory. The tranformation is not easy, but our Lord is up to the task. He loves to change the faces of His children. By His fingers, wrinkles of worry are rubbed away. Shadows of shame and doubt become portraits of grace and trust. He relaxes clenched jaws and smoothes furrowed brows. His touch can remove the bags of exhaustion from beneath the eyes and turn tears of despair into tears of peace."

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"How? Through worship. We would expect something more complicated, more demanding. A forty-day fast or the memorization of Leviticus perhaps. No. God's plan is simpler: He changes faces through worship. Consider King David's definition: "Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together."
****

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"Worship is the act of magnifying God. Enlarging our vision of Him. Stepping into the cockpit to see where He sits and observe how He works. Of course, His size does not change, but our perception of Him does."

****

"Avibrant, shining face is the mark of one who has stood in God's presence. After speaking to God, Moses had to cover his face with a veil (Exod. 34:33-35). After seeing heaven, Stephen's face glowed like that of an angel (Acts 6:25; 7:55-56). God is in the business of changing the face of the world."

****

"Our goal is not to conjure up some fake, frozen expression. Our goal is simply to stand before God with a prepared and willing heart and then let God do His work. And He does. He wipes away the tears. He mops away the perspiration. He softens our furrowed brows. He touches our cheeks. He changes our faces as we worship. But there's more....not only does God change the face of those who worship, He changes those who watch us worship."

My little Hopey told her pre-school class today about her very favorite Person in the world. Jesus. When I picked Hope up from class, her teachers said she had repeated His Name several times. Jesus. Jesus.

Our girl may not say alot of words, but how thankful I am to hear she is saying the most powerful Name in all the earth. The name of Love, Healing, Forgiveness, and Salvation.

Oh, Hopey, when I look at your precious face, I behold true beauty. And I find myself longing to know the Artist who carefully molded you, and then placed you into my life, even more! Just as you are. Just as I am. We come.

(excerpt above taken from "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado)

"Lord of the Flies" vs. "Lord of the Universe"

2010-09-29T19:17:00.005-05:00

A few days ago, I left the girls and babes home with Chappy and took Caleb to get a hair cut. While he went in to Great Clips, I remained in the car for some alone time with a book. A beautiful day with a cool breeze, I rolled my windows down, curled my feet up under me, and began to read.

"Are you serious?" came a very loud man's voice. Startled by the booming sound, I jerked up and looked around to find a man standing near the front side of my car.

***

"Hi, how are you?" I asked, not knowing what he was talking about and not thinking about the magnetic signs posted to my van doors.

***

"Are you serious....are 92% of all babies with Down Syndrome aborted every year?" he repeated.

***

I closed my book, sat up straight and answered: "Actually, sir, the rate has increased. Due to earlier genetic testing among pregnant women, the percentage is now 94%."

***

"I just can't believe that. People who have Down Syndrome are like angels....they are so loving and kind. It is a shame, I tell you, this is a real shame".... he replied to me while looking closely at Hopey's picture on the car magnet. His voice cracked when he spoke and I quickly noted his sincere concern.

***

He shook his head and walked away to join his wife in the parked car waiting for him, and they drove away.

***

Ironically, when the stranger approached my car, I was finishing the book: "Lord of the Flies". Caleb's English class is reading it, and since I have never read the book, I decided to read along with his class so I could discuss the book with Caleb.

***

"Lord of the Flies" is a brutal book about young boys who are stranded on an island during a great war. At first, they are excited about the adventure a deserted island might afford them; however over time, the majority of the boys become savage-like and do unspeakable harm to one another. The author, through his intricate work of fiction, powerfully shows the debase character of all men....sin nature in it's purest, animalistic form.

***

I fell in love with the character, Piggy, in the book. Perfectly imperfect, Piggy is a bit overweight, cannot see without his glasses, and frequently wrestles with asthma. He is murdered in the book---a group of boys hate him because of his weaknesses---and so they kill him. I cried when Piggy died. It is only a book, I know, but I cried.

***

94% of all babies with Down Syndrome are aborted in the United States every year.

***

Approximately 60,000 unborn babies a year are murdered simply because they are not perfect.

***

I also cry as I type those statistics. Unlike a fictional tale about an imperfect boy named Piggy, the statistics represent real flesh and blood. Life. Little Hopes and Little Charlies.

***

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside; then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, Oh God---You're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration---what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before You, the days of my life all prepared before I had even lived one day."

Psalm 139 (The Message)

***

WHAT DO HEAD LICE, VOLUNTEER PAINTERS, AND MALAWI AFRICA HAVE IN COMMON?

2010-09-26T14:24:00.012-05:00

In addition to a football game, parent-teacher conferences, mountains of homework, violin lessons, guitar lessons, therapy for Charlie, a son running for Freshman Class President, and a State Senate Campaign to run.....

What do head lice, volunteer painters, and Malawi Africa have in common? The Hollis family week.

The Hollis family has had its first case, ever, of head

lice.....and it was a doozy! Natalie later reported she had heard people at school talking about lice, but did not know what it was until it found her. And boy, did it find her. After two days of picking through her hair with a fine toothed comb, washing everyone's hair in lice shampoo, and then washing every stitch of bed linens, towels, and clothing in the hottest water available on our machine, the nasty little critters are officially gone.

You would think head lice would be enough to deal with in a week, but Charlie didn't seem to get the memo. He awoke on Thursday morning with snot plastered from the tip top of his red hair clear down to his belly button. It was like green glue. I placed him, screaming, into a warm tub full of bubbles....the stuff would not budge. I had to use my fingernails to scrape off every square inch of the stuff while he wailed and cried, producing more and more of the goopy substance....not a pretty picture.

Not to be outdone by Charlie and Natalie, Lydia wandered into my room in the early morning hours Friday, leaned over my body, shook me and announced she didn't feel good through a very stuffed up nose that sounded a bit too much like Donald Duck. Before rolling over, telling her to get back into bed, and falling back asleep....I happened to look up at her face (which was right over mine) and notice her eyes looked funny. I willed myself to get out of the bed to take her temperature: 102.8.

In three days, Lydia somehow managed to go through 5 boxes of tissue and an entire case of orange Gatorade while Charlie painted my couch, floors and walls with the green goo that continued to flow from his nose. As of the writing of this post, it is still flowing, however a bit less.

Saturday morning, Chappy, Caleb, and Natalie packed up to do some volunteer work for Best Buddies of TN. Along with other volunteers, some disabled and others not, they painted the hallways of a high school in Antioch while I stayed home to manage the sick ward. They came home with the funniest stories and several new "special" friends. They got the biggest kick out of a guy named "Phillip" who continually marched the halls telling everyone how to paint while being fussed at by a female friend who would tell him to "get back to work"....following her orders, he would rush back to paint for a few minutes, but then put his paint brush down to "boss" again....it happened over and over and over again. Caleb has laughed and laughed about it.

Last on the list, Chappy and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. We went to dinner at a favorite restaurant (Sperry's) and then caught a Michael McDonald concert while the big kids did some babysitting. McDonald performed some of his favorites with the Nashville Symphony, and it was fantastic! After all these years, he's still got it!

To top off the week, Chappy and I gathered the kids together and announced what our anniversary gift was going to be to one another. To celebrate 14 years of marriage, we have joined some close friends in building an orphanage/school on land that will be used to grow sugar cane in Malawi Africa (the sugar cane will be sold and used to help sustain the orphange). The orphange will house 50 homeless children, and the construction will begin early in November!!! I wish I could bottle up and send my joy to each of you. Our family is absolutely beside ourselves about this ongoing project, called "Project Pure Religion"....and cannot wait until our first journey to Malawi.

Head lice? High fevers? Snotty-nosed babies? Cleaning house like a wild woman? Yep, that was my week....there couldn't be a better week, however, to end with a HUGE surprise! Plenty of details about "Project Pure Religion" will definitely follow....

James 1:27:

"Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the Godless world."

(The Message)

Freshman Class President

2010-09-24T08:11:00.004-05:00

"Five years ago, I discovered my soul. In early morning hours of September 14th, 2005, my baby sister, Hope, was born. Whisked away to be hooked up to oxygen and wires, she spent the first month of her life fighting for her life in Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. I remember holding her for the first time. That day, I learned a new lesson in the chapter of my heart. I have never loved another human being on earth the way I love little Hope.

Doctors have told our family Hope will die more times than I can count. Three open heart surgeries later, teemed with an aneurysm in her heart that won't go away, she is still proving doctors' predictions wrong. She is a fighter and has become my hero.

In addition to a heart defect, my little sister has Down Syndrome. Most of you have probably heard of the syndrome before, but you might not realize people who have Down Syndrome are just regular people who have to work harder to do things that come easy to most people. Even though Hope is five, for instance, she still cannot speak with words or ride a tricycle. Someday soon she will do both, though, because she continues to work hard and she gives 100% effort daily.

Two years ago, my family adopted Charlie. He is the cutest little guy with bright red hair, and he also has Down Syndrome.

What does this story have to do with my running for Freshman Class President you might ask? Everything. Because of Hope and Charlie, I am a changed person. Each day I hold them in my arms, tickle them, or play with them, I am painfully reminded that I have been given blessings and opportunities they will never have, no matter how hard they work. If elected your class president, I will have the chance to lead our class in service project. My service project will include our class becoming "buddies" with folks who have Down Syndrome...both the young and the young at heart. I can see us cheering them on in Special Olympics events and having a big party for the Down Syndrome children during the holidays.

If you vote for me, I will work diligently to represent you well....both at school and away from school. I promise to lead and not to follow, to listen and not assume I know it all. But in addition to representing the class of 2014, I will represent Hope and Charlie well too....together with you, it is my desire, that we fulfill dreams and reach goals my brother and sister will never have the chance to achieve. The sky is the limit and I hope you will "join the movement" and vote for me, Caleb Hollis, Freshman Class President.

What the Gospel Demands

2010-09-22T11:38:00.006-05:00

My "Spiritual Comfort Zone" is easy to describe.....one word....here it comes....ORPHANS!!!

In addition, I have a passion to be a part of the special needs community because of my little "special ones"....to love them, accept them, and be a friend to them.

Last November, most of you will recall, our daughter Lydia (with help from her brother and sister, Caleb and Natalie, and some dear neighbor friends) raised close to a whopping $30,000.00 in seven days last Thanksgiving so our family could travel to the Ukraine to adopt a little orphan girl who has Down Syndrome. Can you begin to imagine just how much this was IN OUR COMFORT ZONE? It met both of our "Spiritual Comfort Zone" criteria....orphan and special needs.

We began to plan our trip, gather our documents, and spread the word. Then God, in his "way", halted everything. Chappy, ten years my senior, had aged out of the program. In order to make the adoption work, I would have had to enter the Ukraine under false pretenses....stating I was a single woman seeking adoption. Deal Breaker!!!

Soon after learning our adoption of Darya was not going to go through, our family learned that Hope was (and is) again having major issues with her heart. The "Love Balloon" (aneurysm) within her heart continues to grow and change it's shape. As a result, her prognosis is uncertain and our staying within the confines of the United States "just in case" suddenly became vitally important to us for Hope's sake.

We forwarded the money Lydia had raised for Darya's adoption to Reece's Rainbow to be used for another family to become her adoptive family. Without delay, the Fick family stepped forward; and remarkably, the only thing that had been preventing their adopting was money. God used Lydia and her faith to raise the money, but chose the Fick family to be the recipients of the honor of raising little Darya. Today, her adoption was finalized. Praise the Lord!!!

We could clearly see God's hand in all of this....and decided the issue was "timing", but felt certain God would send another child our way to adopt since all of our homestudy paperwork is complete.

Silence.

Then, on a trip to the beach in June, Chappy and I quite randomly learn of our current Senator, Jack Johnson's, proposed bill (SB2517). If that bill had passed, educators in TN would have had the right to physically restrain and LOCK special education students, mentally/physically disabled students, in isolation rooms at school! Outraged doesn't adequately describe my feelings on this issue.

Chappy laughed: "The only way to change that kind of thinking in the TN Legislature is if you replace Jack Johnson and speak up for all the special needs kids."

I thought about his words for several minutes and then replied: "I'll do it!"

"Are you kidding me?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so." was my answer.

Forty days until the election, and I am running for State Senator, District 23.

OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!!!! (Ok, I am screaming that to both the reader and God!)

OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE!!! (screaming again, just in case He didn't hear me the first time)

God put the brakes on our journey to the Ukraine so fast he left our heads spinning. We tried to fanangle and bedangle and do whatever we could do to get to the Ukraine to adopt Darya, but God just kept saying "no"and the rules just would not change (poor Chappy, no matter how hard he tried, could not take those two "too many" years off of his life).

On this State Senate race, God keeps saying: "Yes, Yes, Yes!" and I keep asking Him "Why, Why, Why aren't you stopping me?"

In my search for answers (and assurance), I have completed the book "Radical", and watched the above video this morning (and other videos on the same "Radical" topic) by David Platt. I received my answer; actually I already knew the answer, but wanted God to pound it in my head a few times. His Word? "Follow Me Out Of Your Comfort Zone!"

I have been told more than once, if elected, I will be placed on every committee that no one else wants to touch...and will be given a basement closet to set up as my office. Afterall, I am completely "non-establishment" as a write-in candidate, right? That alone will supposedly earn me some "hate". Imagine being told this a few too many times....sound like fun??? Not really. But I am reminded again: "Follow Me!"

All the more reason to stay on my knees....RADICALLY in love with my Creator, my Savior, and my Lord! Trusting Him. Faithing Him. And following Him. Winning or losing this election just doesn't matter. I am a winner because of the cross! And by the way....so are you!

A One Week Snapshot:

2010-09-17T14:59:00.004-05:00

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Natalie:

Natalie: "Mom, some girl socked me right in the eye on the school bus today".

Me: "Oh my word, you have a bruise! Did you do something to provoke the little girl? Were you arguing?"

Natalie: "No mom, I was just being her friend, and then she punched me. I never saw it coming."

Me: "Mr. Principal, I don't know what happened, but Natalie was punched on the bus and says she wasn't fighting or arguing with the girl that punched her."

Principal to Natalie: "Natalie, did you do anything to provoke the girl who hit you?"

Natalie: "No, I was just being her friend."

Principal to girl: "Did you punch Natalie in the eye?"

Girl: "Yes."

Principal to girl: "Why would you do that?"

Girl: "She was flipping me with silly bands."

Principal to Natalie: "Did you flip her with silly bands?"

Natalie: "Yes, but I thought she liked the game."

Me to Natalie: "Couldn't you read the girl's face and tell she wasn't enjoying being flipped with silly bands?"

Natalie: "Can you teach me how to read faces so I don't get punched again, because I only know how to read books."

Charlie and an extra chromosome:

Lydia, Charlie, and I meet some good friends for lunch this week. Charlie was sleepy after playing all morning and had a full tummy, so I decided to let him sit in a stroller while I enjoyed visiting with our friends (hoping little red-head would take a nap). After a while, I noticed he wasn't sleeping but seemed content to play with his hands. It wasn't until I put him in his carseat that I noticed at some point during lunch he had reached into his diaper, pulled out a "poo poo ball" and rolled it up into his hand to squish. Content? Yep.....content and playing with a "poo ball" during lunch. I am sure there are LISTS of health codes against that!!!

Hope, an extra chromosome and a heart defect:

I picked Hope up from preschool today and learned she had not wanted to eat any food or drink any liquids all day no matter how much the teachers attempted to coax her. In addition, her teachers said she plopped herself on the ground during playground time and wouldn't play. After hearing the report, I scooped the little bundle up and made a quick stop by McDonald's for some famous french fries to tempt the hungry one to eat. McDonald's always works, but not today. Upon entering the house, I quickly turned on Elmo and wrapped her up in a blanket to cuddle on the couch. Hope not only shunned McDonald's, but she also shunned her favorite red monster. My sweet girl has no words yet, so she is unable to communicate her feelings to me.....therefore, I am left to fret and worry...which I have done since 12:30 this afternoon. "Could it be her heart?" I fear. "No, she is probably catching a cold or something", I quickly decide, but then am quickly checked by my own heart and emotions: "What if?" This will be another sleepless night......

Life with Special Needs Kids can be summed up with four words:
1. Never
2. A
3. Dull
4. Moment

2010-09-16T10:01:00.003-05:00

In my quest to read classic novels this year, I have just completed "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte. The book is a rare gem loaded with colorful characters that rivet the reader and give cause to consider several relevant spiritual matters. I cheered for Jane, an orphan, throughout the entire book, yet my mind was thrown into a tug-of-war as I found myself wanting her to remain true to her faith while at the same time desiring her to have a taste of real living.

I came away with this:

If I had been placed in Jane's poisition, I am certain I would never have achieved the level of integrity that she maintained. Her love for "right" transcended her every action, word, and deed though emotionally, she often struggled. Jane's very nature was to stand up and speak out; however, she learned, through much practice, to honor God with her actions through love, humility, servanthood, patience, kindness, and self-control.

Unlike the great Jane Eyre, I am not a heroic fictional character. Truthfully, I have more faults than could possibly be listed on a blog page, and too often, my emotional struggle leads to sin. My worst struggle? selfishness. Daily, I have to consciously slaughter the evil enemy of "It's All About Me" and remind myself that I am but a tool to be used by the Almighty to help others....a servant. Most often, the enemy wins and I fail.

While you might pick up this book for wonderful entertainment, be warned it will stick the knife of conviction in your back when you least expect it. I dare say, there is not a female alive who could read this book and not compare herself to Jane and then desire to strive to be more like her.

2010-09-14T19:50:00.036-05:00

Hope's birthday began with a great big celebration with her pre-school buddies!

The cake was a big hit!

Hope LOVES all of her teachers

and friends at

Moore Elementary School!

Next it was time to go home and ride the battery operated motorcycle Caleb bought for her.....

And get a wagon ride from Lydia.....

Followed by dinner at her very favorite restaurant: "Macaroni Grille" (Perhaps the best Mac 'N Cheese in town!)

Then to top off the day.....plenty of lovin' from the fam:

Happy 5th Birthday to the sweetest girl in the whole world!

Five Years of Hope---words from Caleb, Lydia, and Natalie

2010-09-13T21:33:00.010-05:00

Five years ago, I was in a hospital room delivering baby Hope. She and I both came dangerously close to death in those early morning hours; and following her birth, I was told I could expect to touch her and hold for only a few days....a month or two at most. How incredible it was to be told our baby was expected to die. Frightened beyond belief, I trembled each time I looked at Hope and hated myself for being afraid of my own flesh and blood. After a month in NICU, Chappy and I walked out the doors of Vanderbilt Hospital and took Hopey home; upon leaving, we were again warned she could die suddenly without warning: "Just be prepared" were the only words given to console. Throughout the terror-filled nights that followed, I chose to forgo sleep in order to watch my baby's every breath. I was determined to be by her side when she crossed into the heavenlies to meet her Creator, the Lover of her soul. Thinking back, I remember praying aloud with tears dropping from my face onto her bundled up sleeping body: "Lord, are you going to take her tonight? Please, won't You give me just one more day?" Ironically, I still pray that same prayer sometimes now....five years later. (Thank you so much, Lord, for five years!)

The first year of Hope's life marked the most difficult of my life; but finally, after seeing that Hope was determined to beat the odds, the doctors relieved me when they exclaimed: "Hope is obviously going to follow her own rules, so we aren't going to give you any further predictions about her life expectancy." (smile) That has proven to be Hopey's motto. For anyone who really knows our girl (Moore Elementary, I am especially talking to you).....she definitely marches to the beat of her very own drum. Ha! Ha! Head held high, that girl rallies those short little legs into high gear and marches (expecting everyone in her path to march too!)

Following a stomach surgery, eye surgery, three open-heart surgeries, and an aneurysm that continues to grow in Hope's heart, we find ourselves on the eve of celebrating our miracle girls' fifth birthday. My heart is full. I will post pictures of her birthday celebration tomorrow, but this evening, in anticipation of tomorrow, Caleb, Lydia, and Natalie have asked to honor Hope by sharing their hearts about baby sis:

From Caleb (big brother):

Hope,

The light of my world.

The strongest person I know.

The most pure and innocent little heart ever created.

You are my girl; no one on earth will ever take your place in my heart.

The spot you hold with me is too special.

You are the primary reason I fight and do my best in all aspects of life.

It is hard for me to believe you are turning 5; you are and will always be,

my little "inspiration". Happy Birthday. I love you!

From Lydia:

Hope,

You might have Down Syndrome, but you are a beautiful angel to me. If you had not come into my life, I am afraid I would have become a selfish person who was not humble at all. You have taught me so much, and you are just a little girl. It is amazing. I cannot describe how much I love you. It is truly something crazy. People may stare at you and make snappy comments from time to time, but those people just need someone like you in their lives. You could teach them about blessings. Truly Jesus didn't make a mistake when He made you. I am blessed to be called your sister, and I love you Hope! Happy Happy Birthday to you.

From Natalie:

Hope,

Ever since you came into the world, you have been happy. I don't care if you have Down Syndrome, you are a sister who I adore. To me, there is nothing wrong with you. Without you, I don't know what my life would be. You are an angel. You are a blessing to me. I love you Hope with all of me!

And to close:

From a momma and daddy who happen to be madly and insanely in love with a feisty little green-eyed girl in pig-tails who has the brightest smile in spite of the extra-chromosome that makes life a bit difficult to manage: "You keep right on marching sweet girl! We will plan to celebrate number six, same time next year!"

2010-09-07T11:45:00.013-05:00

"Love never gives up....it cares more for others than for self."

"Love doesn't want what it doesn't have."

"Love doesn't strut or have a swelled head; it doesn't force itself on others."

Love doesn't fly off the handle or keep score of the sins of others."

"Doesn't revel when others grovel"

"But takes pleasure in the flowering of truth."

"And it does trust God always."

"Love looks for the best and never looks back."

"Love keeps going....

to the end."

Have You Loved Someone Today????

(From: "The Message"---1 Corinthians 13)

Mountains and the "J Train"

2010-09-01T16:54:00.007-05:00

I have a wonderful life. Really, I do.

After spending nearly 5 years in an abusive first marriage, can you imagine the delight I have when I greet my very normal husband each day? I adore the man!

Following a return from Russia with Natalie, who had spent her first three years being abused in an orphanage, our family went through five very difficult years with attachment issues which led Natalie to act out in ways that were foreign to our family. Times were so tough, there were moments when we questioned our Russian journey. Keeping that in mind, can you begin to fathom the utter joy we experience each day when we hug and kiss our girl who has overcome the demons that haunted her past life? Natalie now embraces her life and is a tremendous (more than I can ever hope to describe) blessing to us!

Hopey, born in 2005 with Down Syndrome and a heart defect....Chappy and I have been told she will die more times than we can count. We celebrate her fifth birthday this month! I cry just typing those words. Every day I look into those gigantic green eyes of hers, I look at a miracle.

My life can be chronicled with crisis, struggle, and victory....crisis, struggle, and victory. Does that sound familiar to anyone? When I reach the top of one mountain, I celebrate big, because I am very aware a new mountain is only steps away. It is my path, and has been for my entire life. The three tidbits above are merely a brief glimpse.

Right now, I am, again, trudging up a mountain. Like many of the others, this one is new frontier for me. However, this mountain is more unique, because if I make a wrong step, I might damage, or possibly destroy, something that is very dear to me. Each step, therefore, is taken with great thought, prayer, fear, and trembling. My every move is intentional.

Through the years, I have learned the very best way for me to draw near to and feel Jesus is to praise Him. Yesterday, I needed to feel the presence of my Savior. So, in our library, the girls and I jumped on Toby Mac's "J Train" and praised our Father very loudly (with Charlie sitting close by in total astonishment---squealing and shaking his head along with us). We turned the speakers up as loud as they would go, formed a train, and screamed the words as we marched through the house in the form of a "train" with Hopey acting as our little caboose. Thank God I have a "ticket to ride".... Here is a small "glimpse" I managed to catch:

"It's Hope!"

2010-08-31T08:01:00.008-05:00

This morning, after Hopey's morning bath, I lifted her in my arms wrapped up in a big old towel and allowed her to peek at herself in the mirror.

"Who's That?" I asked.

"It's Hope!" was her reply.

Today, for the first time, Hope said her name.

Thank you, Lord!

2010-08-26T13:43:00.007-05:00

Free Speech. Our First Amendment Right.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness"....the Declaration of Independence.

Hopey is one of God's creations; however, handicapped people are seldom treated as "equals".

In fact, over the years, people like Hopey have been forced into institutions, tied to chairs against their wills, locked in rooms until their bodies are bruised from attempting escape, used as experiments, over medicated, sterilized, and sexually abused. For them, education has been something fought for while pity is something fought against....friends are a gift longed for while bullies are a dreaded part of everyday life. An overwhelming majority of these precious ones are still aborted every single year, because they are portrayed as "baggage" by far too many in the medical community.

Free speech affords us the right to use derogatory words that hurt others, but that does not mean we should utilize the freedom. The "R" word is in the news again. It should be "old news" by now.

Teen Worship

2010-08-24T22:20:00.008-05:00

"Extra Excited" this evening:

Caleb has become so pumped about the youth group he is attending on Wednesday nights (http://www.journeyfranklin.com/). Last week, he and his sisters came home ecstatic as they relayed to me how they truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit around them during praise and worship time. Caleb, who typically doesn't show alot of emotion, said he couldn't keep his hands down no matter how hard he tried. To a worship song about being set free, my 15 year old raised his hands to the Father and belted out songs of praise from his heart with tears streaming down his face. Unashamed. Life being changed. His words to me that night: "I'm telling you mom, it was real! God was there!"

He and his sisters described the evening as teenagers praising the Lord with no reservation, overcome with tears, and some bowed down on their knees with their faces in their hands sobbing. The presence of the Lord is a powerful thing, isn't it?

In all of the anticipation and excitement about tomorrow night's youth service, Caleb asked if he could extend an open invitation to his facebook friends to come gather at our house for food and then ride to youth group together after dinner. He thought it would be "awesome" to get a group of kids from high school worshiping together and wants to make it a weekly event. So far he hasn't received a huge response, but who knows? Sometimes these things just take a little time.

God is doing something amazing and spectacular in our youth. They are expecting Him and He is not disappointing them....He is showing up big time. The word "Revival" was used to describe an evening like this when I was growing up. I like the word, because to me it symbolizes bringing new life! I guess the modernized word today would be "Revolution"???....so Lord, bring on a God Revolution that will change the world!!

The meaning of life? The youth at Journey are learning it: It is all about getting to know HIM! "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you....so abide in My love....you are My friends." (words spoken by Jesus from John 15:9-15)