Tonight, Chappy and I went out on our routine evening stroll with the babes, and we ran into some good friends, the Hathaways, who introduced us to some "new" friends. God met us there too.
About God, I wonder how different things would be if everyone in the world would stop to consider God. AND, more important, I wonder how different things would be if everyone would stop to consider that God considers us all of the time, because He does.
As a mom with a little one who has a heart that can't be fixed, I often wonder what life would be like without Hopey around. How would I deal with losing her? What would life be like without her tugging at my legs all day long? Would the emptiness ever go away? How often would I think of her? Questions like this pop in and out of my brain from time to time.
The new friends we met tonight shared with us that they lost a daughter 19 years ago. She was five.
I don't vocalize my thoughts about losing Hopey very often, because truly, I am choosing to be positive and enjoy each moment of her life. She is completely alive right now; in fact, that little rascal is full of more energy than anyone else in our family, so I want to drink in all of her. With that being noted, however, fearful thoughts and unanswered questions still run through my brain from time to time.
God knows. He knows every single thought and every single question I have. In fact, God stopped to consider my thoughts tonight.
This evening, when our new friends mentioned their loss, I knew in an instant God had provided a sounding board for me. I could almost hear Him prompt me: "Just ask her anything!" So I did. I asked this fellow momma and new friend what it was like to lose her 5 year old daughter. I asked her where she buried her, did she still miss her, how often she thinks about her, etc, etc, etc. And she answered each and every question.....this beautiful mother who lost her little girl 19 years ago when she was only five.
Hopey turns five this year. Still taking it step by step, day by day......hoping against Hope for many more years.....loving her more and more moment by moment,
Tonight, dear precious Father, thank you for answering the many questions I haven't voiced....and thank you for using a beautiful momma who can really understand me to offer such warmth and thoughtfulness....I am so glad you chose her to be Your messenger.
"....even before there is a word on my tongue, O Lord, You know it."