"Pro Life"....REALLY???

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) has really been kicking me in the pants as of late. With the onset of hormonal changes, our twelve year old Natalie is struggling with a noticeable increase in her symptoms. Unless you have parented a child with FAS, you have no idea what it is like to teach and discipline a child who too often lacks the ability to comprehend reason....to attempt to explain a world full of abstracts when young determined eyes are betrayed by the twinkling portal to a hidden mind only capable of understanding absolutes....to try to adequately express the fact that being "different" or being called "weird" by peers is not the end of the world to a tear-streamed face with teeth gripping so tight the muscles in her face protrude....to give the same instructions day after day for nine solid years, one million times at least, knowing you will have to say it another two million times......while bearing the painful realization that part of the information will never completely sink in. Self control for a child with FAS? Always a battle. And boundaries for a child with FAS are only set to be tested. As a result, these little ones have to be parented constantly, and it proves to be exhausting to both parent and child.

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What would you think about a law that would require pregnant mothers who are caught drinking alcohol to spend the remainder of the term of their pregnancy behind bars, locked in jail? While it will never happen in this country, the thought is worth pondering. According to statistics, 1 in 12 women drink alcohol during pregnancy, and 1 in 30 will binge drink. Those same statistics report any and all alcohol during pregnancy will impact the unborn child in a negative way, and every drink during pregnancy puts the unborn baby at risk for FAS.

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Another statistic you might find alarming: Did you know 60% of the prison population has FAS? AND, to make matters worse, many of those inmates lacked the cognitive ability to make a logical judgment before committing their crime because of a disability that was 100% preventable. Perhaps locking up an alcohol-addicted expectant mother for 9 months would save her unborn child from spending adulthood locked behind bars for crimes that were unintentional and/or uncontrollable. I would argue the real crime was committed during pregnancy with a drink of alcohol.

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There are so many orphans and unwanted children in our world (including our country) with FAS; the numbers are, in fact, quite staggering. While these children are difficult to parent, they are precious human beings with real emotions and deep feelings. With plenty of love and consistent instruction, these children grow to become productive adults who make a positive difference in the world. All they need is a chance.

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As Nat and I navigate through this period of her life with its occasional mountaintops dotted with hundreds of extreme valleys, I find myself becoming more discerning and contemplative as my heart both grows and pains for my daughter. My mind is definitely more keenly attuned to the world around me since I now sift all flow of information via the lens of a mother with three special needs children.

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The truth is, I can't help rolling my eyes when well-meaning Christians pridefully broadcast the term "Pro-Life" as if it is a spiritual battle cry while the 'Natalies of the World' are rotting away in the foster care system and orphanages with no prospect of hope. To a simpleton like me, you see, being "Pro-Life" has come to mean a lot more than salvaging a child in-utero....and it also amounts to more than mailing a monthly check to support organizations reaching out to unwanted children. I clearly see through our nine year experience with Natalie that she would have been destined for a life of imprisonment, drug/alcohol addiction, or even early death had it not been for our taking her in and parenting her.

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In thinking through all of this, I do not want to leave the unsung heroes out of this blog: Natalie's mom and Charlie's mom are two women to be admired. Both found themselves young, single, and expecting a baby. Both could have chosen abortion. Both, however, valued life enough to have their babies, digging just deep enough to find faith in the belief that a family would come along who had the desire and ability to make their little ones a part of something priceless. Both were correct. Each time I successfully talk Natalie through the personal conflicts she continually battles because of FAS, I walk away feeling energized with the remembrance that her birth mother and I chose LIFE....and Natalie is worth it! In the same way, when I cuddle my little red-headed Charlie until he is softly snoring in my arms, I often grin with thoughts of his birth momma who valued his life and trusted in humanity enough to allow someone else, me, the gift of raising him.

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Pro-Life. It is a gigantic phrase. Before we go preaching it, perhaps we need to make sure we are living it! In my "Independent" political run for State Senate, I was educated on so much more than I ever anticipated by both sides of the political aisle. It might surprise you, as it did me, to know 'why' the Pro-Life stance is such a joke to the Democratic Party. More times than I can count, I was told that Republicans/Conservatives are "Pro-Birth", but not "Pro-Life". Unfortunately, alarming statistics can be rattled off to show the number of unwanted children around the globe who are either in less-than-perfect foster care systems or orphanages/institutions. Too many of these statistical children grow up to become adult prison statistics or suicide statistics when their destinies could have held such more if they had only had the love of a family. As stated to me by many Democrats: "After the Pro-Birth Republicans save the fetus, they forget the child." It is a subject worth considering....and that is something we can change!

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The good news is there are hundreds of adoptable children in the United States right now who are waiting on that chance to be your "special someone", and the adoption cost is very minimal. Can't afford the expenses of raising a child right now? Then why not be a wonderful parent to a foster child? The foster care system will pay all the expenses for you. But if you have been blessed with financial security, why not travel to another country and save one orphan from the millions who are wasting away with no hope? Give the gift of hope! It will be the greatest decision you will ever make. Pro-Life means human beings are valuable in-utero until they take their last breath. I believe it, do you?