Yesterday, for the first time, I came to terms with the fact that Hopey may never have language. At 5 1/2 years, she still is not speaking. This morning when I left her at preschool for her 4 hour day of teaching and therapy, one of the teaching assistants looked at Hopey in the eyes and spoke sweetly to her. I watched as Hopey so badly wanted to respond, but could not with words. Instead, she smiled and craned her neck forward to show her reply of pure love and appreciation. I left the room bawling like a baby and cried out to God: "Oh Father, I just want to hear her tell me she loves me, please." Selfishly, I want my baby girl to have a voice.
My next stop was to drop off little red-headed Charlie for his very first day of preschool. At 2 and 1/2 he is still not walking or speaking and wants to be with me all of the time. Well, the truth is, I have never left him before except for a short stay with my parents when they come to visit from out of town. I guess he wants to be with me all of the time, or perhaps he has just never had another choice. Ha! Ha! Anyway, today marks our first official day of separation from each other since he will be going to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the school year. I left part of my heart in that special needs preschool room today, and my bawling has continued.
On top of it all, Chappy is out of town, so my tears are wasted. If he were here he would hold me and encourage me the way only he can. Hoping for something to bring cheer, I opened the computer and found a message from Carlene's new momma....you remember Carlene, the little angel our family raised money for over Christmas? She shared her blog with me, and if you have time you just have to read it today:
God is so awesome and so tender. This blog post was exactly what I needed to see today, and He prepared it perfectly for me.
My last blogpost was a bit lengthy, because it is sometimes difficult for me to write what the Father places on my heart. The LOVE I suggested in that post that seems to be missing in "religion" today can oddly be summed up by reading Jolie's (Carlene's new mommy) blogpost. You see, when our hearts are in tune to God's work, and we focus on loving others instead of always trying to prove our doctrine/beliefs, then our Lord works everything else out. Beautifully and quite seamlessly, he brings us together and shows Himself to us clearly. Truly, this life is a lesson about LOVE.
Oh Lord, Jesus, thank you so much for loving me today....and for loving Hopey, Charlie, Elizabeth, Carlene (to be called Mollie), and all of your special ones. You are magnificent! And my heart is full!