Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A Heart Full

Yesterday, for the first time, I came to terms with the fact that Hopey may never have language. At 5 1/2 years, she still is not speaking. This morning when I left her at preschool for her 4 hour day of teaching and therapy, one of the teaching assistants looked at Hopey in the eyes and spoke sweetly to her. I watched as Hopey so badly wanted to respond, but could not with words. Instead, she smiled and craned her neck forward to show her reply of pure love and appreciation. I left the room bawling like a baby and cried out to God: "Oh Father, I just want to hear her tell me she loves me, please." Selfishly, I want my baby girl to have a voice.

My next stop was to drop off little red-headed Charlie for his very first day of preschool. At 2 and 1/2 he is still not walking or speaking and wants to be with me all of the time. Well, the truth is, I have never left him before except for a short stay with my parents when they come to visit from out of town. I guess he wants to be with me all of the time, or perhaps he has just never had another choice. Ha! Ha! Anyway, today marks our first official day of separation from each other since he will be going to preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the school year. I left part of my heart in that special needs preschool room today, and my bawling has continued.

On top of it all, Chappy is out of town, so my tears are wasted. If he were here he would hold me and encourage me the way only he can. Hoping for something to bring cheer, I opened the computer and found a message from Carlene's new momma....you remember Carlene, the little angel our family raised money for over Christmas? She shared her blog with me, and if you have time you just have to read it today:


God is so awesome and so tender. This blog post was exactly what I needed to see today, and He prepared it perfectly for me.

My last blogpost was a bit lengthy, because it is sometimes difficult for me to write what the Father places on my heart. The LOVE I suggested in that post that seems to be missing in "religion" today can oddly be summed up by reading Jolie's (Carlene's new mommy) blogpost. You see, when our hearts are in tune to God's work, and we focus on loving others instead of always trying to prove our doctrine/beliefs, then our Lord works everything else out. Beautifully and quite seamlessly, he brings us together and shows Himself to us clearly. Truly, this life is a lesson about LOVE.

Oh Lord, Jesus, thank you so much for loving me today....and for loving Hopey, Charlie, Elizabeth, Carlene (to be called Mollie), and all of your special ones. You are magnificent! And my heart is full!


  1. Have you tried signing time videos? Our little G came home in Aug of this past year and when we met her at the orphanage at 4.5 she had NO language. I really was in shock. God was so so good because I had thought about signing but hadnt done anything with the thought. Someone gave us a set of the vidoes(just translated in spanish in time for our trip- GOD)In six mos she has 180 signs/words. you can take a peek at our blog and see her progress for yourself. http://147million-one.blogspot.com

  2. Thank you for posting Carlene's family's blog site. I had found it at Reece's Rainbow but it always said it was private.

    I feel in love with Carlene and she is what got me started thinking about adopting from RR. Unfortunately, my husband is not at the same spot as me at this time so I am not moving forward with that but it has made me love these children even more and I am finding other ways to help where I can.

  3. I read a book a few months ago called "Healing the New Childhood Epidemics:". I ended up reading it because so many of Levi's issues relate to sensory issues and when I did research on ways to help him I always ended up at Autism sites. So someone suggested reading this book. I did and ended up taking Levi to a biomedical doctor this past December. The doctor put Levi on some supplements and we've taken him off casein and gluten. The change has been HUGE. I asked Clark if he thought the goat's milk helped with Levi's reflux, and he said he wasn't sure if it helped his reflux, but his language had grown immensely and for that reason alone we are keeping him on the goat's milk. Call me if you need more info!

  4. Just thought I'd pass this link along to you www.dynavoxtech.com/communication. This company makes assistive devices for people with language disorders (autism, stroke, etc.) I don't know the cost or if insurance/early intervention services would cover something like this but thought you might want to look into one for Hope. Best of luck to you.

  5. Im so sad to see Carlene is back on the adoption list :( any idea as to what happened to the Harris Family that was going to adopt her? They have now made their blog private.