You would all be proud of Natalie. Your prayers for her are being answered. Each time I hear from her by letter or talk to her on the phone, she speaks of how God is doing amazing things in her life....how she is learning to place the burdens of her heart upon Him....and how she is giving herself permission to receive His healing from past abuse and neglect that happened in a Russian orphanage when she was just a little girl.
Life is a process, isn't it? Many days I have wished God had chosen to make us all like Samantha of 'Bewitched'. Wouldn't it be nice to have the capability to change things or erase things with a simple wiggle of our chin? "Wiggle"....erase the fact that I'm hurting. "Wiggle"...erase the harsh words I just spoke. "Wiggle"....well, you get the picture.
But God, in His wisdom, decided we needed to learn life's lessons through the hard stuff. And, as always, He was correct. The heartaches we go through, indeed, are often blessings in disguise. Those bumps in our proverbial life path are what teach us to preservere, to have faith, to cling to God, and to realize how much we NEED our Savior. Natalie is now facing a bump in her life's path because of a friend called Harley. Here is the story:
Recently, Natalie earned the responsibility of caring for the horses at the therapeutic boarding school where she is temporarily residing. And with that responsibility came JOY! It has been a long time since I've heard a spark in Natalie's voice, so when I heard it, I basked in it. Oh, so thankful to God for those horses she was getting to care for each morning. One particular horse, Harley, she talked about...and talked about....and talked about. This horse followed her around like a puppy dog and would nudge her in the back whenever she would pay attention to any other horse. Natalie giggled when she talked about Harley. I could "hear" the smile in Natalie's voice. I smiled with her. I thanked God for Harley. I even wondered how Natalie would leave the boarding school without Harley. I began thinking of how we might need to bring Harley home WITH Natalie. ha! ha!
This morning, I received the following email from the boarding school:
I wanted to let all of you know of
something that happened this past week so if your daughter needs to talk about
it with you, you will know what happened.
15 months ago today a baby horse,
Harley, was born here at the school. At three months she spooked and did a back
flip and hurt her neck and caused a slight vision problem. We kept hoping and
praying that we could work her through this.
We did not know it at first but then
came to realize that she was born with a club foot. We always wondered why she
had to do a giraffe stretch to get her head down to eat grass. Her body could
not stay lined up (chiropractically speaking) and this was causing constant issues
and continual pains. We kept the ferrier, vet, and chiropractic vet helping her
and watching her. She could not turn her head back to reach herself when she
needed to itch, she could not lift her legs to help either. This past week when
we went out to brush her, she could not pick up her back leg which was one of
her good legs. She just drug it behind her.
It was not fair to keep her in
constant sufferings. She was never going to be pain free, never going to grow
out of her deformities, and never would be able to be ridden.
No matter how much we wanted to keep
her and love her, it was not fair to her. We had to do what was best for her
and she was put to sleep yesterday. This was a very hard decision but one that
had to be done. Our house is sad but this is part of life. I wanted to let all
of you know.
My heart is breaking for Natalie. And yet I know God saw this "bump" all those days when Natalie was lovingly brushing Harley, when Harley was following her around like a puppy....and perhaps He giggled along with Natalie when Harley would nudge her back saying: "I still want your attention!" God sees it all. He knows it all.
And as I've cried a river over a horse I don't even know this morning, three things have stuck out in my head:
1. how awesome is it that Natalie never noticed that Harley had special needs? She never once mentioned it. She simply loved her. And think about it, Natalie has special needs as well. And Harley didn't notice. What a beautiful picture the two of them made of God's perfect love for all of us....His children!!!
2. I reached out to this therapeutic boarding school a little more than a year ago when Natalie first began to show the extreme signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder....and that would've been just around the time of Harley's accident. At the time, I knew in my heart this was the place for Natalie, but I just wasn't ready to let go and let her get care so far away from home.
3. and what strikes me the most, is that Harley LIVED in spite of her neck injury, the problem with her eyesight, and the club foot....she lived long enough to meet and become Natalie's buddy. The truth is, Natalie should've been at that school a year ago when the Lord first led me in that direction, but my own fear caused me to chase after avenues that were more pleasing to me....I was driven by my desire to keep Natalie either at home or as close to home as possible. But God spared Harley. He kept her going through all of her pain until she could meet the one she was created for.
Some may think I am nuts, but yes, I honestly believe when God created Natalie, He saw ahead at all the struggles she would face and placed a horse called Harley on her life's path....and when Harley came into the world, I believe He whispered secrets to her about Natalie, the little girl that she was to love and follow around like a puppy. I believe we serve a God who is that big, who is that creative, and who is that amazing. Afterall, how else would you explain that fact that Harley is the one who helped Natalie find her spark of joy again?
Please pray for Natalie as she grieves....and pray that she will continue to grow and blossom into the incredible young woman God created her to be.
As for me, I will forever be grateful for Natalie's friend called "Harley".
"God gives. God takes. God's name be ever blessed!" (Job 1:21)
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