Thursday, July 1, 2010

What If I Told You....Part 2

What if I told you that dreams do not always come true, would you believe me? This new mom, who had just sacrificed everything to save her child, believed with all of her heart that dreams can come true no matter the circumstance. In fact, she believed in what others would call the impossible; some would eventually say this was the driving force within her.

Abusers are unique characters, and the father of her son was no different. Like other abusers, he led two very different lives: a public life and a private life. In public, he was a Sunday School teacher, a deacon, and a man who cared for others. Popular and friendly, he had too many friends to count. In private, he was at times, a monster who was impossible to deal with and dangerous. The double life helped his case a lot. What had been kept behind closed doors could not be proven true or false. I believe the court system calls it "hear say", but the young mother called it "power".

Not knowing where to turn, she went to her family and to the church. Her family embraced her and believed her. The church did not. Her pastor was one she went to first and trusted most. She sat in his office for hours pouring out her soul to him with her little baby playing with rattle toys on the floor. The pastor believed her, and she saw it in his eyes. Before leaving his office, she turned to him with baby in her arms and asked: "If you were giving advice to your daughter, and she was in the situation I am in, what would you tell her?" He answered her: "I would tell her to never go back. If he abused her before, he would abuse her again." Those words helped relieve her; afterall, her pastor was a man of authority before God.

To say this young mother was an emotional wreck would be a big understatement. As a result, she was not thinking as clearly as usual or she may have handled the situation that was to occur much differently. When the dreaded phone call came from the husband she had left behind, she heard a very different voice than expected. Instead of rage, she heard tears. He begged her to go back to him and promised things would be different. But the words of the pastor she trusted were fresh on her mind, and she told him firmly "no" and refused to budge. When he pressed her, she revealed her discussion with the pastor on that day and the advice he had given her when she left his office. "I trust the pastor, and I am going to take his advice." Those words would change her life and her genuine love for the church forever.

Days later, the young mother was called back for another meeting with her pastor. Recalling how helpful the last session had been, she eagerly got ready, loaded up her baby boy, and went to the next session which she was sure would help her even more than the last. What she found when she entered his office, though, was a very different man. The warm smile the pastor always wore on his face was now an angry frown, with brows furled, and jaw set. Coldly: "Have a seat". He pointed to a chair in the room. She sat.

"It seems you have opened a bag of worms and have gotten me into a lot of hot water young lady" were his first words. The rest of the conversation became foggy; she was taken completely off guard. He paced around the room and looked at her with disgust as he explained that the father of her child had called a group of deacons after his phone call with her. He had reported to the deacons the pastor was encouraging her to divorce him, and the deacons were very upset. What she remembered most about that meeting was when he allowed his face to get very close to hers, he pointed his finger in her face and clinched his teeth: "I will not lose my job because of your miserable marriage. You are not worth it!"

"You are not worth it!" Broken again. Abused again. The very words her own husband had used to describe her were coming at her yet again. "Worthless". That day, she left weeping. The pastor opened the door and ushered her out. Interesting, he had cleared his office for the day. I guess it was planned.

Later, she found out her pastor denied all conversations with her that centered around her leaving her husband. To her abusive husband, the pastor called her a liar who was trying to get out of a marriage without being scorned by the church. Just place yourself in her shoes when the phone call came from her son's father accusing her of lying. But the phone calls did not end with him, they came from many others urging her to repent. Drowning in sorrow, she held her baby day after day. "This is all for you sweet thing. We will get through this and our dreams will come true." She felt worthless, but the little fella' she held in her her, he was far from worthless. She would get through this for him.


  1. Just wanted to say that I dont know weather you sharing this is painful or theraputic to you, but it is helping me a lot! Coming from an abusive home as a child and then being an orphan myself, 9 foster homes in 16 years before finally deciding I was tired of being tossed around and being treated like a piece of garbage. I got pregnant at 16, married and had my daughter at 17. You sharing this gives me hope. I am meeting a lot of road blocks trying to become a foster parent because of family history. God blessed me with a loving husband of 12 years, 2 wonderful children and a life fuffilled with the only Father I have ever been loved by! Seeing where your life is now gives me hope and a renewed faith! Praying for you and reading with eagerness to know the rest of the story! Love and prayers, Marisa

  2. So sorry this is what you've had to endure, Melanie. Thanking God that He has made you that much stronger through all of the pain.