"Un-Learning" Is An Impossibility

I finished the book called "The Priest's Graveyard" by Ted Dekker a couple of weeks ago. My favorite quote from the book: "The problem with any philosophical consideration is that once you open a door in your mind, you can never close it. Once you learn something, you can never convince your mind that you didn't learn it." Through all my years of study, I can agree with that quote wholeheartedly. There are truths I have learned, however, that I wish I could erase and make go away. But, alas, 'tis an impossibility.

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Dekker's fiction novel, this time, centers around five simple letters: P-R-I-D-E. If honest, we all struggle with those five letters daily in a myriad of ways. This book, though outlandish at times, teaches fundamental truth worth chewing on. And I have been chewing.

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My story began three months ago when Chappy and I decided to build a conservatory style sun room onto the back of our home. We don't "need" a sun room, but we think Charlie and Hopey do. We watch children playing outdoors each day as the weather turns warmer and our hearts grow sad that our two youngest cannot go out without constant supervision. Hopey, legs not too coordinated, takes frequent tumbles and doesn't manage steps very well. As for Charlie, without someone nearby in the grass with him, he becomes overwhelmed and turns into a basket case of tears. With busy schedules, the best our family can seem to do is allot 30-45 minutes of outdoor playtime a day for the little ones....and they want more. It gets more and more difficult to tell a pig-tailed girl wearing big round rimmed glasses "no" when she is standing at the door with her face plastered against it wanting to go outside. "Dinner has to be cooked"...."I have to get the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer"....none of my excuses budge her. She stands with her face and hands pressed to the window panes. (And yes, at times I give in).

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Chappy and I met with Rick Jaggers of Four Seasons Sun rooms to discuss building a conservatory sun room for Hope and Charlie in March. A conservatory is a room that is made of windows (even the roof is made of windows). Rick showed us the latest window option, that with a simple slide, could turn the glass room into a screened in room....allowing us to bring the outdoors safely inside for Hope and Charlie playtime. In addition, the room would have its own heating and cooling unit that could be adjusted to best suit their needs. We were so excited about this win-win solution!

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Since we live in a neighborhood, we have to get approval from our home owner's association before making any changes to the exterior of our home. We filled out the paperwork, loaded into the van as a family and dropped the form into the mailbox of a friend of ours who is on the three member Architectural Review Committee (ARC) on March 16th, on our way out of town for Spring Break vacation. On April 27th, my birthday, we received the notice that our request had been denied. Denied. Why? Because two out of three people on a volunteer ARC Committee decided it would not meet the aesthetic look our neighborhood strives to attain. Their opinion decided our fate.

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I looked through the neighborhood covenants and quickly realized the ARC only has 30 days to approve or deny an application. A surge of new energy gave root to hope that this conservatory could still be built. We dated and turned in our application on March 16th, but did not receive the denial until April 27th....well past 30 days! In addition, since the ARC took receipt of the application dated March 16th, did that not indicate it had become binding? My wheels were turning, and in response, I immediately sent out an email to the ARC and our neighborhood management representative to make them aware of their unfortunate mistake and to alert them we were going through with our conservatory addition.

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This is where the trouble began. This is when I learned a "truth" I wish I could un-learn.

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To make a long story short, one of my friends who is on the ARC committee told a lie. We left the ARC approval form in her mailbox (as instructed) on March 16th, but she told the other ARC members, the neighborhood management representative, and the neighborhood board that though our application was dated on March 16th, she did not receive it from us until March 31st. Therefore, according to her (and now the rest of the representatives), the ARC did in fact respond within the 30 day required period of time, making their denial of our request firm.

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I emailed my friend to ask her what had happened. Had she been out of town between March 16th and 31st....had the form sat in her mailbox for two weeks? While she would not return my emails or make any contact with me, her husband did tell Chappy they had not been out of town and also admitted they check their mail sometimes twice a day since he works out of their home (he was a bit angry at the time because Chappy kept asking if they had been out of town---neither of us wanted to believe our friend would lie).

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In trying to dissect this, I have come to a hypothesis: perhaps my friend, who is a mom with 4 young children, became busy and forgot about the application she retrieved from her mailbox on March 16th....then, when it was time for the next ARC meeting toward the end of the month, she remembered it and took it to the meeting. Finding herself too embarrassed to admit she had been holding onto our application for two weeks, she told the committee she had just received the form (never considering the other two ARC members might team up and deny our project).

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Once they denied the project, however, she was in a real pickle....she could either gamble that I didn't really remember when I placed the form in her mailbox and tell a lie....or she could admit her mistake to the other ARC members making her look irresponsible. She chose the former. Unfortunately for her, our whole family was together when we dropped the form off at her house before leaving for Spring Break vacation---so it is a date we remember---thus impacting even our older children's view of this friend who signs every email with Romans 8:28 and hosts Bible Studies in her home.

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We appealed the ARC decision to the board and were denied again. They decided to not get involved and overturn the ARC; as a result, no conservatory room for Hope and Charlie unless we are willing to spend alot of time and money on a court battle.
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At first, I was so angry at my friend; after all, all she had to do was admit her mistake....everyone makes mistakes. But through reading Dekker's timely book, I was quickly reminded that if I spend time being angry with another's sin, I become guilty of the awful five letter word: P-R-I-D-E and end up missing my own faults and my own sin. I am no better than my friend or any other sinner on this earth. A tough lesson, but a good reminder to begin our summer.

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"Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone." (John 8:7)