Hi. This Is Lydia.

Hi Blog Family,

It has been a very long time since I have written on my mom's blog. I asked her permission tonight. I want to share what is on my heart.

First, I want to talk about Darya. Amy Joy. I believed God asked me to raise money to go adopt Darya from the orphanage. And then He gave us all the money we needed to go get her. Then lots of things got in our way and we had to decide not to adopt her. One of those things was that my dad got too old for the Ukraine and the other thing was that some of Hope's doctors didn't want her to travel so far. It was a sad time and made me question God alot.

After Hope's doctor's appointment yesterday I now know God didn't allow things to work out with Darya because of Hope's love balloon. He wanted me to fall in love with Darya and raise the money for her so another wonderful family could make her there daughter. She will be that family's only girl and they can't wait to get her. The dad is not too old for the Ukraine and they don't have any other kids that have medical problems. God had this in his plan the whole time and we just didn't know it. My whole family has been upset about not adopting Darya for so long and now we can have peace in our hearts. That's good.

But I have to say that I still don't get God. For so many years I have prayed for Hope to be healed. I remember going into her room by myself and getting down on my knees and hugging her when she was just a little baby to pray to God to heal her heart. I would cry and beg him. I have done that so many times and for four years. I know God hears me. I know he knows what I am asking him for. So why doesn't he heal her heart? She is one of his children.

My dad said tonight in our family meeting that prisons don't have a single person with Down Syndrome in them. People with Down Syndrome don't murder or steal or hurt people. I think God must love them alot. I see Hope every-day doing her best to succeed in life , she gives 100% in EVERY-THING she does, and now she gets faced with horrible news.......what is God doing with her?

Now do see why I am so confused?

Half of my life has been battling with my family in these heart surgerys.....I just want to say God why why why wont you heal her? I am starting to wonder if it really matters when I pray or if God is just going to do what he is going to do no matter what. I pray with all of my heart, and he says if I have faith and believe with all my heart he will answer my prayer but he doesn't and I don't understand why.

My dad is very sad about Hope and I worry about him. I wrote him a card tonight with a poem to make him feel better. He thinks I wrote the poem all by myself and bragged on me but I really got it from the internet. I guess it counts because I wrote it in my own handwriting. This is hard on all of us because we play with Hopey all of the time. My mom says we need to be happy at all times instead of sulky and mad because that is not going to get us anywhere. Instead we need to enjoy our life and our time with Hopey. We are trying.

Thank-you for giving the time to read my post this evening :) I want to say that I am happy Darya will get her new family even though it isn't mine.

Much love & Blessings to every-one!
Lydia

A Word From Yancey

"I once attended a funeral service for a teenage girl killed in a car accident. Her mother wailed: "The Lord took her home....He must have had a purpose....thank you Lord." I have been with sick Christians who agonize over the question: What is God trying to teach me? Or, they may plead: How can I find enough faith to get rid of this illness? or How can I get God to rescue me? Maybe such people have it all wrong. Maybe God isn't trying to tell us anything specific each time we hurt. Pain and suffering are part and parcel of our planet, and Christians are not exempt." (Philip Yancey, "Where Is God When It Hurts")


Charlie's heart appointment was great today.....it looks as if the hole in his heart has closed up completely. Praise! Hope's heart appointment, however, did not go well. It appears her "Love Balloon" has increased and changed in size and the patch on her heart has started to protrude and bulge out as well. She had two heart ultrasounds today, but neither found the culprit resonsible for causing this change in her condition. Her doctor is at a loss and was surprised her heart had changed this much in such a short period of time----her last appointment was only 6 months ago. The doctors have "conference" on Thursday morning when the entire cardiac team will get together and go over Hope's images and hopefully offer some thoughts to us.

The next weeks, I will be blogging alot about this new journey we are on with Hopey. Well, I guess I should call it "walking a little bit further" along the same worn path of a five year journey. Over 300 people checked the blog today. Thank you. I believe each of you prayed for our little one and I cannot even begin to express my sincere gratitude. If you decide to check in on me via the blog over the next days and weeks, you are going to possibly find my writing to seem very much like waves crashing into the beach.....full of ups and downs, tides in and tides out, crystal clear at times and full of seaweed and junk at other times. I'm just giving a fair warning: I, once gain, have alot to work out with God.

I considered taking my blog "private" today.....only sharing it with family. My reason? Because I want to be honest and "bare" about what I am feeling inside, but fear my wrestling through emotions could offend or become a stumbling block. And, if I worry about being a stumbling block, it is likely to become nearly impossible for me to be totally honest and open. However, after much consideration, I decided against taking my blog private for a completely selfish reason: I am desperate for your prayers for Hopey, and those who choose to walk with me (though there may be only a few who hang in with me for the long haul), are people Hopey needs in her life, even if it is "cyber friendship" at best.

I go to bed angry tonight. My fist is raised to heaven. I read Yancey's words this evening and wondered what kind of God would choose to allow His "beloved" children to suffer? What kind of God allows children to starve, to be abused, to suffer from disease, defects, and disorders? Why do we have to be SHOWN our need for Him?

And then I recall how much Caleb and Lydia learned from our adopting a needy little orphan from Russia......and how much Caleb, Lydia and Natalie learned from our birth of Hopey.....and again through our adoption of little red-headed Charlie. I remember the eye-opening experience Chappy had in Africa last fall when he met true poverty face to face and touched it with his own hands. Each time we have visited a nursing home.....lesson learned. Each time we have fed the hungry.....lesson learned. Each time we have stopped to give money to a beggar.....lesson learned. And all of these experiences have formed us into individuals who don't disregard the afflicted and who give thanks for the blessings many take for granted.

Maybe God works this same way. Perhaps by showing us our imperfections and weaknesses, we really do begin to sense our need for Him to be real.

Hopey has a most unusual case; there isn't another documented case like hers to be found. If you desire to pray for something very specific, please pray that God will lead the cardiac staff to a hidden case that is similar to Hope's. There has to be one somewhere in the world.

And to all of the blog followers who know Hopey, who have held her and loved her.....I am so sorry to give you this news. I know you ache for our family and especially for our little angel. While I am hurting this evening, my thoughts of you are what brings me the most comfort. Thank you a million times for loving Hopey in spite of her many imperfections.

Tomorrow is a Big Day! It is Heart Check-Up Day!

Hey blog family,

I would like to request prayer from you all. Tomorrow, we take both Hopey and Charlie in for heart check-ups. Most of you are aware that Hope has already been through three serious open heart surgeries and still has an aneurysm (nicknamed her "Love Balloon") in her heart. Whoa, I get nervous butterflies just typing about her diagnosis. I don't know what we will learn tomorrow, but I admit I am full of fear. Each time Chappy and I pull into the Vanderbilt Children's Hospital parking garage, I have to literally force my legs to carry me into the hospital.....as we take the elevator to the 5th floor, I have to remind myself to breathe......and as Hope begins her appointment, I pray without ceasing begging God to perform a miracle. Tomorrow will be no different. So, simply picture Hopey with her hair up in high pony tail on her head topped with a big golden bow, wearing her green smocked dress with a school bus on the front when you pray for her. Our little baby doll.

Charlie, the sweetest of all red heads, was born with a small hole in his heart. The cardiologist hopes we will find it has closed on its own and will not require surgery.

The word for the day tomorrow will be VULNERABLE. Chappy and I will be like worthless lumps of nothingness just waiting on the stab to come puncture the most guarded part of our souls. It is almost like PAIN stalks us, watches us, and is lying in wait.

Hope is already down for the night. Our nightly ritual ends when I count to three and allow her favorite blankets to parachute over her head before resting perfectly around her tiny body. In response, she shakes her hands in glee and squeals with laughter.....every single night....it never gets old to her. Tell me, how in the world can I sleep this evening knowing I am carting her in to potential bad news tomorrow? On the outside, she is perfectly fine....full of energy and joy. It is so difficult to fathom her heart is struggling so. Oh God, please let tomorrow be different; please heal Hopey's heart.

I know there are many who would remind me this evening that "faith is the opposite of fear" and I should exercise faith in both word and deed for God to do his healing work in Hope's heart. Truth is, this old warrior mom is tired. Faith has not been a friend to me when it has come to Hope's heart. While I know God is intimately involved in her prognosis, and while I believe with all of my heart He can heal her, I am also painfully aware that He is in control and ordered Hope's days long before she entered the world. Faith, I have found, is accepting His plan over my own. Not easy, and had I been God, it certainly wouldn't have been my way of designing the order of things.

For many years I talked a good talk, friends. You would have possibly called me the "finest Christian" you had ever met. I might have even agreed silently, while quickly telling you with word that you were being way too kind. Pride it is called, isn't it, that comes before a fall? Chopped at the knees by a little 5lb. 2oz. baby with Down syndrome. God certainly does use the weakest to confound the strong and "wise".

Thank you in advance for your prayers tomorrow. I know you already know that I love my little ones with a crazy kind of love, and I would wish to protect them all the days of their lives from any and all kinds of harm. If there were a "recipe" for healing, know that I would follow it to the letter. I am capable of that. Alas, however, there is none. So, as I have done for four years, I will take one step at a time tomorrow in hope of finding that pot of gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow. It's time. God, please hear me, it is time for You to heal Hopey's heart. Forgive me for where I have failed You, and please don't hold my sins against little Hopey in any way.....I beg of You, dear Lord, show me Your power!

Happy Mother's Day!

We had a wonderful weekend. The kids' fundraiser for flood victims was a tremendous success. They managed to raise nearly $300.00 by selling donuts all day on Saturday. Way to go!



My parents were in town this weekend for Lydia's violin recital, and an added bonus was having my mom here for Mother's Day. I love my mom. Growing up, we were always the best of friends.....shopping together, laughing until our sides split at re-runs of "I Love Lucy" and talking about boys until the wee hours of the morning.



One of our funniest "shopping stories" was when the new Gloria Vanderbilt tight jeans came into vogue in the 80's. Everyone had to have them. The one and only store who had any left was teeming with female shoppers, so dressing rooms were tough to come by. We finally found one available and decided we better share it since my dad (who was with us) was growing more and more impatient by the minute. The dressing rooms of this particular store did not have doors, but curtains that didn't quite cover the door frame (you know the type). We both started to put the skinny jeans on and realized at the same exact moment that the infamous jeans were not going to "slide" on as we had hoped. Each of us, with one leg in and the other leg out, lost our balance and fell OUTSIDE the curtain into the hallway. We couldn't get up, because we were laughing too hard and because the stinking jeans were too tight. Humiliating. Needless to say, we did not leave with Gloria Vanderbilt jeans that day, though being the style conscience gals we were in the eighties, we did end up purchasing some and wore them with great pride (and constant giggles).



Mom and I have been through many ups and downs together through the years; we haven't always agreed on everything. Being so close, however, we have always managed to work through the natural circumstances "life" has brought our way. It is a testimony to love, I think, to be able to accept one another no matter what....for instance, I love my mom even though she is sometimes wrong and she manages to love me even though I am typically aggravatingly right! Ha! Ha! My mom is reading this and would tell you the exact opposite is true.....



This weekend, mom watched as I related to my teenager (now 6 ft. tall and looking down at me), sweet Caleb.....she was a spectator at my side as Lydia and Natalie (our eleven year olds) put on an "I Love Lucy" skit (Vita-meeta-vegamin---more hilarious than Lucy herself).....she encouraged me while noticing my efforts to subdue flying mashed potatoes and green beans at the dinner table with Hopey.....and she gathered diapers and wipes every other hour for Charlie "changes". Life has changed for mom and me.....Instead of being my mom, she now watches me be mom. I wonder if her observations make her think of times we shared as I grew up under her watch and care? Time tends to make me appreciate my own mom more and more.

To all the moms, I hope you had a fabulous Mother's Day! May we be continually mindful of the blessings we have in our moms and our children. God gave us a perfect gift when He created us for one another, didn't He?

Tennessee Flood Update

There are countless families who lost everything in the flood last weekend. The flood water was contaminated with waste water and fuel, so everything the water touched is now completely ruined. Unfortunately, many families who were impacted by the flooding do not live in a flood zone and therefore do not have flood insurance. As a result, rebuilding will be costly during a time when the economy is not at its best.

Families in Middle Tennessee who escaped the disaster are eager to help their neighbors in need. This weekend, our neighborhood will be hosting a gigantic yard sale. Many families have decided to offer their items FREE to flood victims. I was not planning to participate when I learned of the sale a few weeks ago, but now I can hardly wait.

We live in Chestnut Bend Subdivision and would be happy for anyone in the area to come join us on Friday and Saturday from 7am-2pm. In addition, our neighborhood teenagers and children will be offering baked goods for sale with all proceeds going to benefit families impacted by the Tennessee Storm Disaster. If you would like to be involved in any way, please feel free to email me. My mom and dad will be visiting from Cleveland, TN this weekend. I know I have several Cleveland blog followers (thank you)----if you would like to send some clothing or baby items along for the flood victims, please drop your items off on Thursday and Friday at Prospect Elementary School for Kaye Miller.

May the Lord continue to use us to offer comfort to those who have suffered such great loss....and may His light shine through all that is done in the process. It is ALL about HIM. It is ALL about ETERNITY!

Life is nuts, isn't it?

Somehow Chappy and I find ourselves in the nuttiest situations:

When we adopted Natalie from Russia, we became stuck in Russia due to the Anthrax scare in America. The American embassy was shut down while we were there and our three day stay turned into a month-long visit in a foreign country with only one change of clothing and a backpack.

When we lived in Gallatin, we were in the middle of the tornado disaster that took out an entire row of homes less than half a mile from our house. We had no power for days and roads all around us were covered in trees and debris making travel tricky.

On a ski trip to New Hampshire, a surprise blizzard brought 18 inches of snow (on an already 100+ inch base) in a 12 hour period leaving snow drifts covering entire sides of homes and down hill skiing a near impossibility. Record below zero temperatures followed and we found out what the word "cold" really means.

Four years ago, a friend we hired to help us with our home while we carted Hopey back and forth, to and from the hospital, stole from us and even had a party in our house while we were on an overnight stay away from home----we lived on the Old Hickory Lake at the time, and the party was so large, our boat and house were left full of plastic cups and half eaten food was strewn everywhere. (we came back a few hours early from our trip---oops!) One pleasant guest even spit tobacco on one of our walls. Nice.

In a period of two years, we had 9 flat tires (somehow picking up any and every nail on Nashville roads).

Then we were involved in the emergency evacuation from the Opryland Hotel on Sunday when the record breaking floods came through Nashville.

The list goes on, and I am sure many of you have the same such stories that make you think "how in the world did I get into this mess?".

I can now add something new:

We have been remodeling our Master Bathroom and adding a bathroom for our girls over the last couple of months. We just discovered the painter seems to have stolen the kids' Wii games. The kids played the Wii on Sunday, April 25th......the painter came in the following Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. No one else has been in our home. Over the weekend, the kiddos went to play the Wii, but the game cases were found empty.

What makes a person steal from another? This man had to know those games belonged to our children. Did he think we wouldn't notice the games were missing? What else did he take that we haven't noticed missing yet? Is there a chance he might have found personal information in our home to use to steal our identity? How do we handle this situation?

Uncertain times keep us on our toes and remind us of our need of the Savior. The Hollis family has so much to be thankful for, but still, we feel vulnerable and kind of violated. Our kids REALLY do, and as I go through my things, I am sure to feel their pain if I begin to find my things missing.

Oh, by the way, ask me if the painter our contractor hired is an illegal alien.....oh, and while on the subject, are you aware over 111,000 Mexicans became LEGAL United States Citizens in 2009? I wonder how many of them have attempted a crime since gaining citizenship? I would guess "zero".

Flooding In Tennessee

On Saturday afternoon, Chappy whisked me away for part two of my birthday.....an evening at the Opryland Hotel....our favorite place in town to visit. It was storming and flash floods were predicted, but who would have ever expected flooding to swamp Middle Tennessee?

Sunday morning we called home to check on the kids and were told by panic-stricken children the Harpeth River backing up to our neighborhood had flooded all of Downtown Franklin and had come very close to homes nearby. In fact, the local Sonic and Toyota car dealership were completely under water and the rain was still coming down strong. Instead of enjoying a nice lunch buffet at Opryland, Chappy and I decided we better head home to make sure everyone stayed safe. Chappy went to the front desk to checkout and was told we were not going to be allowed to leave. All the roads were closed and we were "land-locked" in the area.

By noon, the Opryland Hotel had lost power, but still no one mentioned concern about the nearby Cumberland River. By dinnertime, the hotel had managed to get a few generators running so hungry guests could have some hot food. We had just sat down to dinner and taken a bite of warm bread when the waiter rushed to our table and announced: "You will have to go to the ballroom immediately, we have been told to evacuate to the highest level in the building. It looks like the Cumberland River may overflow and flood the hotel."

Panic.

It was eerily like the movie: "Titanic". Guests were not allowed to return to their rooms and gather belongings; they were told to sit in a ball room and wait further instruction.

Chappy and I, being familiar with the hotel, slipped out a side door to an open loading area that is around 40 feet above street level. From our perspective, we could see the river rising and the flooded parking lot of the OpryMills Mall next door. Finally, after two hours of speculation, the hotel was evacuated to a nearby local high school. Still unable to make it to our home in Franklin due to flooding and road closures , we found another hotel near the airport to spend the night.

This morning, the U.S. Coast Guard was called to the Opryland Hotel to retrieve all who were left. Currently, ten feet of contaminated water is standing in the beautiful building and wooden chairs we were seated in to eat our dinner are floating randomly about . The area is a total disaster.

We ventured out this morning to make our way home to Franklin. We were shocked by the flooding which cannot be fully appreciated by viewing the pictures being shown on the news. To see neighborhoods buried beneath water is incredibly unsettling. As of right now, the Cumberland is still rising as creeks and waterways pour into the already overflowing river.

Please say a prayer for all of the families who have lost loved ones in the flood and for those who have lost their belongings.