Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Hi. This Is Lydia.

Hi Blog Family,

It has been a very long time since I have written on my mom's blog. I asked her permission tonight. I want to share what is on my heart.

First, I want to talk about Darya. Amy Joy. I believed God asked me to raise money to go adopt Darya from the orphanage. And then He gave us all the money we needed to go get her. Then lots of things got in our way and we had to decide not to adopt her. One of those things was that my dad got too old for the Ukraine and the other thing was that some of Hope's doctors didn't want her to travel so far. It was a sad time and made me question God alot.

After Hope's doctor's appointment yesterday I now know God didn't allow things to work out with Darya because of Hope's love balloon. He wanted me to fall in love with Darya and raise the money for her so another wonderful family could make her there daughter. She will be that family's only girl and they can't wait to get her. The dad is not too old for the Ukraine and they don't have any other kids that have medical problems. God had this in his plan the whole time and we just didn't know it. My whole family has been upset about not adopting Darya for so long and now we can have peace in our hearts. That's good.

But I have to say that I still don't get God. For so many years I have prayed for Hope to be healed. I remember going into her room by myself and getting down on my knees and hugging her when she was just a little baby to pray to God to heal her heart. I would cry and beg him. I have done that so many times and for four years. I know God hears me. I know he knows what I am asking him for. So why doesn't he heal her heart? She is one of his children.

My dad said tonight in our family meeting that prisons don't have a single person with Down Syndrome in them. People with Down Syndrome don't murder or steal or hurt people. I think God must love them alot. I see Hope every-day doing her best to succeed in life , she gives 100% in EVERY-THING she does, and now she gets faced with horrible news.......what is God doing with her?

Now do see why I am so confused?

Half of my life has been battling with my family in these heart surgerys.....I just want to say God why why why wont you heal her? I am starting to wonder if it really matters when I pray or if God is just going to do what he is going to do no matter what. I pray with all of my heart, and he says if I have faith and believe with all my heart he will answer my prayer but he doesn't and I don't understand why.

My dad is very sad about Hope and I worry about him. I wrote him a card tonight with a poem to make him feel better. He thinks I wrote the poem all by myself and bragged on me but I really got it from the internet. I guess it counts because I wrote it in my own handwriting. This is hard on all of us because we play with Hopey all of the time. My mom says we need to be happy at all times instead of sulky and mad because that is not going to get us anywhere. Instead we need to enjoy our life and our time with Hopey. We are trying.

Thank-you for giving the time to read my post this evening :) I want to say that I am happy Darya will get her new family even though it isn't mine.

Much love & Blessings to every-one!


  1. Keep praying and believing, Lydia. That's what matters. We don't always get the answer we want but He always answers. I have something I've been believing for for over 22 yrs. I'm still praying and believing.

    Keep trusting and hoping. He is faithful no matter the answer!

  2. Lydia, you my dear are in my prayers. We all go through times of asking why, but God is big enough for our questions. We live in a broken world but one day we and it will be made new. Hang onto that hope.

  3. Thank you for your post, Lydia. You have such a beautiful heart and I hope that when our family brings Darya home she can meet you very soon. I hope that she can still think of you as a "big sister". Though she won't be part of your physical family, she will still be your sister in Christ!

    Sometimes we don't know why God allows certain things to happen and they don't make sense. Sometimes we just won't know on this side of heaven. God knows the big picture and just know that He loves Hopey even more than you, if you can imagine that. She is so blessed to have you as a sister. But I will continue to pray hard that He will heal her!! Your mom is right, you should try with all your heart to be happy right now. That is what Hope needs right now! I pray that God will give you strength, joy, and peace that surpasses all understanding as your family faces this battle.

  4. Lydia - We will never fully understand why God does the things he does. I myself question it sometimes but I also remember in these times to remain faithful to him. He does answer our prayers. The answers may not always be what we want them to be but just remember he always has reasons for the things he does. I will be praying for all of you to not be sad, to enjoy your time with Hopey and for strenght and understanding. Praying with all of my heart that God heals Hopey's heart. All my love to all of you. You are never far from my heart. Hugs.

  5. Lydia-
    I've been thinking about prayer quite a bit this year too. A lot of kids from my school and my youth group at church died over the last 3 years, and I started asking God if I was wrong about prayer, if he even cared what I prayed. I had begged for healing for some of my friends, and yet they died.

    Here's what God has been teaching me: God said that I've been praying and asking him to do MY will, begging him to do what I thought was best. I was wrong to do that. God wants me to allow prayer to be a time where I lay the deepest desires of my heart before the Lord and he molds my desires to fit the desires of his own heart. On the other hand though, I shouldn't just ask God to do his will without taking time to recognizing my own desires, because that leaves me apart from God, still wishing for something else. Prayer is not simply a time of submission, but there IS an aspect of submitting to God’s will. God really does want to say yes to our prayers, and when we don’t ask, how can he say yes? After all, if Peter hadn’t asked Jesus to call him out onto the water, Peter never could have walked on water like he so desired to do.

    I don’t think anyone has answers to why God says no when we simply ask for healing, but one day we will all be made new again, and one day we will understand the mystery of prayer.

    I think it’s cool that you are questioning God, because I didn’t know it was alright to question God until just a few years ago. I thought I had to trust him in everything without a shadow of doubt, but I was never being honest with myself.

    Just remember, even those of great faith didn't receive what they had hoped for on this Earth.
    Hebrews 11:13 "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth"


  6. Dear Sweet Lydia ~
    I, too, question our Lord, when it comes to these very painful situations in life. And, I have LOTS of questions for Him when we meet someday! But, despite the pain and anger I sometimes feel, I know that He is ALWAYS with me. Sometimes He walks beside me...holding my hand. Sometimes He stands behind me and gives me a gentle push. And, other times, He stands in front and pulls me! But, it's the times when I am questioning Him about the REALLY SAD stuff, well...that is when He carries me.

    Let Him "Carry" you, Lydia. He has You in one arm and Hope in the other and He's gonna Carry both of you, all the way Home! He knows your Precious, Precious Heart. And, if ever I've been sure of His Grace and Mercy, it is now...through this update you wrote! He has given You a Pure Heart, Full of His Love! And, I Believe He hears EVERY Prayer you have said...EVERY Plea for Hope's Healing. And, He will take care of that special little sister of yours.

    I know that it hurts to see your Daddy (and your entire family) go through the "fear of the unknown". Are you able to lay that pain at the Foot of the Cross? To let Jesus help them cope with their fears? Because, He is working in their hearts, as well. He WILL give them everything they need.

    I really want you to know that He has given you SO many Gifts. And, He HAS and will continue to do Great Things with your life. I will be saying some specific Prayers for you...for Peace and for Strength. And, I will be Praying for Miss Hope, too! Praying that her heart will be Healed. Please know that there are LOTS of people lifting your entire family to Our God. I am excited to be able to witness all of the wonderful things that He has planned for you all!

    Take Care and God Bless You! Big Hugs from MN.! Jo

    P.S. I am totally impressed with your ability to put your thoughts into writing AND I'll never forget the Faith you had in bringing Darya home!

  7. Lydia, I just love your amazing heart and spirt. Your leap of faith and willingness to be used by God inspired our whole family! The why questions are always so hard. We have been through our share with Nina. Just from reading your post and from seeing your family together I know what a passion and love God has given your family for children with special needs. I remind my children often that God has used Nina in their lives to teach them so much compassion towards those with special needs. God's not finished. He's continuing to work out His purposes. Many times when we have been devastated by the results of medical tests and thought we could not go on, God has wrapped His arms around us and given peace.

    I can't explain why Nina is still with us, just like Hope, her life is a miracle. After wallowing in fear and despair, we decided to do our best to rejoice in each moment and each day as the gift that it is. I have a plaque in my kitchen that reads, Life is not made up by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away."

    Keep those conversations going with God. Ask Him the hard questions, He's big enough to handle it! Rejoice in all those little moments. I know how much you and your family love sweet Hope and so does her Heavenly Father that much more. We will continue to pray and trust God to hold Hope's heart and your hearts in His hands. Thank you for being so willing to share yourself and be transparent.

    Much love,

    Dabney & all the Klein family

  8. Lydia, I don't have any words which can help, I just wanted to say how wonderful you are.

    Keep praying for your baby sister, she's a gift.

    All my love and best wishes to you and your beautiful family. Your words have touched my heart all the way over the seas.

    Colleen (Western Australia)

  9. Lydia,
    I can appreciate your feelings. While I've never faced the uncertainty you as a family face with your precious Hope, I have found that sometimes it helps me to look backwards instead of forwards to an uncertain earthly future. I've had to teach myself to reflect on the blessings I have rather than focus on the worry of tomorrow.
    My walk with the Lord is sort of new and growing daily. I don't profess to be very mature in the Lord and I think sometimes that forces me to look at things in a simpler way than many people who have so much maturity in their relationship with HIM.
    Hope has blessed your lives so richly. That is a fact that is so obvious and that no one would credit to one little girl who the world would say is weak, but what absolute strength she has. She is used by God every single day.
    I am adopting a little girl from Russia. You can find her on reeces rainbow. Her name is Vera from region 8. I don't know anything about her health. I've had to question myself "what if she has a horrible condition that would shorten her time with me?" My answer always comes back to how much she has enriched my life, the lives of my children and the lives of my parents who I've seen soften their hearts enough to want and love this little girl. She has already been a blessing to me, and if I never get to meet her and be her mom, she has already given me so much. Just expanding my heart to love her more has given me more than I imagined. Obviously I pray that she is healthy and that we will spend long lives together, but I have to choose to focus on the gift that I've already gotten.
    I pray for Hopey's heart and that there will be an answer for her medically. I do know that God is a good God and he loves Hopey and Vera more than we can imagine. He wants what's best for them and will make it happen.
    Your salutation wishes upon us "Much love and blessings". I think that is what our girls bring to us. We just need to revel in those gifts.
    So, much love and blessings to you Lydia. :)

    Adopting Vera (Gracie)
    from Russia region 8

  10. Lydia,
    You are an amazing girl. I think we all have times of faith crisis wondering, "If God is who He says He is, then why isn't He doing what I know He can do." I don't have the answer, but keep turning to Him with your questions. He is God and He is faithful. Thank you for sharing your heart in blogworld.

  11. Lydia... I, with you, do not always understand the hard things in life. But I wanted to share with you one of my favorite verses; Zephaniah 3:17. However, when I looked it up, I realized that the verses following it are just as powerful... I think they are meant especially for you and your family at this time.

    Zephaniah 3:17-20

    17 The LORD your God is with you,
    He will take great delight in you,
    He will quiet you with His love,
    He will rejoice over you with singing.

    18 The sorrows...
    I will remove from you;
    they are a burden and a reproach to you.

    19 At that time I will deal
    with all who oppressed you;
    I will rescue the lame
    and gather those who have been scattered.
    I will give them praise and honor
    in every land where they were put to shame.

    20 At that time I will gather you;
    at that time I will bring you home.
    I will give you honor and praise
    among all the peoples of the earth
    when I restore your fortunes
    before your very eyes,
    says the LORD.

  12. Dear Lydia, You are such an amazing girl. This is a rough time right now for your family, but you are such a blessing to them and the many people who have followed your family's journey. I have two 11 yr old girls- one by birth, one by adoption- just like you and your sister. They (and their little sisters) gave some of their own money when you were fundraising for Darya and it was a blessing they were able to do so. You gave us courage to fundraise again so we could start another adoption- many times I have reminded myself "if Lydia could do what she did, surely I can do what I need to do" to bring another child home. Your family was one of a few who brought our attention to RR. What you did made us think- and in a few months, a little boy with DS AND a little boy with CP will be joining our family. You can see photos of them on RR via the button on our blog. Please look at their little faces and know you had something to do with that. God is working all over the world through you AND through Hope. God bless, Jennifer in DE

  13. Lydia, just keep praying and believing. God has given you and everyone in your family special gifts . . . you have touched the lives of so many people with your generous heart and the faith your family has in our Creator.

    Praying for you all!