Hi Blog Family,
It has been a very long time since I have written on my mom's blog. I asked her permission tonight. I want to share what is on my heart.
First, I want to talk about Darya. Amy Joy. I believed God asked me to raise money to go adopt Darya from the orphanage. And then He gave us all the money we needed to go get her. Then lots of things got in our way and we had to decide not to adopt her. One of those things was that my dad got too old for the Ukraine and the other thing was that some of Hope's doctors didn't want her to travel so far. It was a sad time and made me question God alot.
After Hope's doctor's appointment yesterday I now know God didn't allow things to work out with Darya because of Hope's love balloon. He wanted me to fall in love with Darya and raise the money for her so another wonderful family could make her there daughter. She will be that family's only girl and they can't wait to get her. The dad is not too old for the Ukraine and they don't have any other kids that have medical problems. God had this in his plan the whole time and we just didn't know it. My whole family has been upset about not adopting Darya for so long and now we can have peace in our hearts. That's good.
But I have to say that I still don't get God. For so many years I have prayed for Hope to be healed. I remember going into her room by myself and getting down on my knees and hugging her when she was just a little baby to pray to God to heal her heart. I would cry and beg him. I have done that so many times and for four years. I know God hears me. I know he knows what I am asking him for. So why doesn't he heal her heart? She is one of his children.
My dad said tonight in our family meeting that prisons don't have a single person with Down Syndrome in them. People with Down Syndrome don't murder or steal or hurt people. I think God must love them alot. I see Hope every-day doing her best to succeed in life , she gives 100% in EVERY-THING she does, and now she gets faced with horrible news.......what is God doing with her?
Now do see why I am so confused?
Half of my life has been battling with my family in these heart surgerys.....I just want to say God why why why wont you heal her? I am starting to wonder if it really matters when I pray or if God is just going to do what he is going to do no matter what. I pray with all of my heart, and he says if I have faith and believe with all my heart he will answer my prayer but he doesn't and I don't understand why.
My dad is very sad about Hope and I worry about him. I wrote him a card tonight with a poem to make him feel better. He thinks I wrote the poem all by myself and bragged on me but I really got it from the internet. I guess it counts because I wrote it in my own handwriting. This is hard on all of us because we play with Hopey all of the time. My mom says we need to be happy at all times instead of sulky and mad because that is not going to get us anywhere. Instead we need to enjoy our life and our time with Hopey. We are trying.
Thank-you for giving the time to read my post this evening :) I want to say that I am happy Darya will get her new family even though it isn't mine.
Much love & Blessings to every-one!