Hey everyone! Caleb here,
I wanted to share with everyone how Hope's life and previous news has affected me so far. First of all, Hope came into our lives about 4 1/2 years ago. Before her, our family didn't know the true meaning of love. To us love was just a feeling that we all felt towards each other, but soon we found that it's much more than that.
When Hope was born, we knew that she wasn"t supposed to live for anything more than a day, but look how far she's come. Her heart wasn't supposed to last for anytime at all, but it's still pumping. We all have prayed that she would be healed and that her heart would heal completely. Just recently we had a stumbling thought: "What if Hope was supposed to die in the beginning?" Wouldn't that mean every day we've had with her is a miracle?
To Hope, I'm big brother. The one who picks her up when she falls; when she wants to watch a movie, I am the one who finds her favorite; when she's hungry I find "unhealthy" food for her to eat (when moms not looking), and I pray with her every night during our family meetings, on our knees around the ottoman with her hands clasped and eyes peeping around to see who is still praying (making sure everyone is still praying). In a way, I feel like a hero to Hope.
However, I don't know how to handle her latest news. There has always been a fix for Hope, another surgery and another million prayers. How am I, Caleb, Hope's hero supposed to tell her everything is going to be okay? How am I to hold her hand and whisper encouraging words while she lays in her bed each night with a big smile on her face? How can I do that without tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat?
Many a time I sit and wonder, Why did God give a bad heart to Hope when there are those who take their life for granted everyday of their life and others who seek evil? Why not give them a heart like Hopes and make hers wholesome and complete? Why give a good heart to someone who is just going to waste their blessing?
Lately, I've had alot of stuggles in life, home and school. We all have, because it is very hard to hold all the seams together and not break apart. Especially with Hope's issues. It's hard to live life knowing that the one person in the world you love the most might not live much longer. It's hard to picture not waking up to a Hopey hug n' kiss everyday, and not chasing after her as she tries to get away with chucking glasses and pictures across the room, hearing her giggle as you tickle her over and over and over again to almost a point where she can't breath, and watching her smiling, laughing, and yelling as she preaches to the angels that float over her head with hands raised high and feet marching.
Hope is the absolute biggest blessing in the world. If I had the choice to change her Down syndrome...never. Then she wouldn't be Hope. If I had the choice to heal her heart...in a heart beat.
Thanks for reading; Thanks more for praying,