The Cardiology team met today to discuss Hopey's case at length. The next step will be an MRI which has been scheduled for May 28th at 9am. There are two concerns at this point: First, is the aneurysm so large it is now impacting lung flow? Second, if the aneurysm bursts, what will the impact be? We hope the MRI is a more definitive test than the ultrasound.
Lydia and I went out to lunch today with Hope and Charlie and were able to have some very good discussion. After writing the blog and sharing her heart with all of you last evening, Lydia was in the mood to talk at length about her fears concerning Hope. She read every single comment that was left on her blog post. In fact, she ran in to check for comments most of the afternoon, reading them over and over again, receiving comfort from your words and being bathed in your prayers. Thank you. During our lunch today, Lydia, still only eleven years old, sorted through a whole host of conflicting thoughts....from feeling very guilty for being angry with God for Hope's ongoing heart issues to wondering if she is really even saved! I mostly listened and nodded my head as she spoke.
We left the restaurant and as I was putting Hope into her carseat (having a difficult time fastening her in because the sweet thing with a full belly was more interested in hugging me) I had a sudden thought. Lydia had already put Charlie into his seat and was placing his stroller into the back of the van when I shouted out: "Lydia, what if God is giving us a miracle right now?"
Lydia squinted her big brown eyes at me as if to say: "Crazy momma say what?"
I waited for her to get settled into the car and then turned in my seat to look at her face to face:
"What if Hope was supposed to die months ago....or even years ago? What if that was God's original plan? And what if, because of our constant prayers and petitions to Him on Hope's behalf, He is continuing to give her another day....then another....then another? What if we are angry with Him right now when we should actually be thanking him?"
She just looked at me.
"Maybe we should just continue asking for more time with Hope, Lydia, and if we have Hopey again tomorrow, perhaps we should be truly grateful and celebrate the Lord with hearts full of gratitude. Then, we will ask Him again...and again...and again....for one more day....one more day....just one more day. God loves us Lydia, asking for one more day will never be too much to ask."
I turned and started the car and we pulled out of the parking lot. After a few minutes I shot a quick look at Lydia. Tears.
To break up the somber mood, I thought we should celebrate right then in the car. I broke out in "This Little Light of Mine"....one of Hopey's favorite songs (and Charlie's too). Hopey still cannot speak, but she can hold that little finger up and make her own kind of joyful noise. "Hide it under a bushel, NO! I'm gonna let it shine." Before you know it, Hopey was putting her little light under the bushel as Lydia was hollering: "No"...little Charlie was so stiff with excitement he could hardly stand it. Wonderful praise for the ONE who continues to give us ONE MORE DAY!
Tears. This time rolling down my cheeks. This time, tears of joy and gratitude. Oh, Father in heaven, please give us one more day.....