Tuesday, May 11, 2010

A Word From Yancey

"I once attended a funeral service for a teenage girl killed in a car accident. Her mother wailed: "The Lord took her home....He must have had a purpose....thank you Lord." I have been with sick Christians who agonize over the question: What is God trying to teach me? Or, they may plead: How can I find enough faith to get rid of this illness? or How can I get God to rescue me? Maybe such people have it all wrong. Maybe God isn't trying to tell us anything specific each time we hurt. Pain and suffering are part and parcel of our planet, and Christians are not exempt." (Philip Yancey, "Where Is God When It Hurts")


Charlie's heart appointment was great today.....it looks as if the hole in his heart has closed up completely. Praise! Hope's heart appointment, however, did not go well. It appears her "Love Balloon" has increased and changed in size and the patch on her heart has started to protrude and bulge out as well. She had two heart ultrasounds today, but neither found the culprit resonsible for causing this change in her condition. Her doctor is at a loss and was surprised her heart had changed this much in such a short period of time----her last appointment was only 6 months ago. The doctors have "conference" on Thursday morning when the entire cardiac team will get together and go over Hope's images and hopefully offer some thoughts to us.

The next weeks, I will be blogging alot about this new journey we are on with Hopey. Well, I guess I should call it "walking a little bit further" along the same worn path of a five year journey. Over 300 people checked the blog today. Thank you. I believe each of you prayed for our little one and I cannot even begin to express my sincere gratitude. If you decide to check in on me via the blog over the next days and weeks, you are going to possibly find my writing to seem very much like waves crashing into the beach.....full of ups and downs, tides in and tides out, crystal clear at times and full of seaweed and junk at other times. I'm just giving a fair warning: I, once gain, have alot to work out with God.

I considered taking my blog "private" today.....only sharing it with family. My reason? Because I want to be honest and "bare" about what I am feeling inside, but fear my wrestling through emotions could offend or become a stumbling block. And, if I worry about being a stumbling block, it is likely to become nearly impossible for me to be totally honest and open. However, after much consideration, I decided against taking my blog private for a completely selfish reason: I am desperate for your prayers for Hopey, and those who choose to walk with me (though there may be only a few who hang in with me for the long haul), are people Hopey needs in her life, even if it is "cyber friendship" at best.

I go to bed angry tonight. My fist is raised to heaven. I read Yancey's words this evening and wondered what kind of God would choose to allow His "beloved" children to suffer? What kind of God allows children to starve, to be abused, to suffer from disease, defects, and disorders? Why do we have to be SHOWN our need for Him?

And then I recall how much Caleb and Lydia learned from our adopting a needy little orphan from Russia......and how much Caleb, Lydia and Natalie learned from our birth of Hopey.....and again through our adoption of little red-headed Charlie. I remember the eye-opening experience Chappy had in Africa last fall when he met true poverty face to face and touched it with his own hands. Each time we have visited a nursing home.....lesson learned. Each time we have fed the hungry.....lesson learned. Each time we have stopped to give money to a beggar.....lesson learned. And all of these experiences have formed us into individuals who don't disregard the afflicted and who give thanks for the blessings many take for granted.

Maybe God works this same way. Perhaps by showing us our imperfections and weaknesses, we really do begin to sense our need for Him to be real.

Hopey has a most unusual case; there isn't another documented case like hers to be found. If you desire to pray for something very specific, please pray that God will lead the cardiac staff to a hidden case that is similar to Hope's. There has to be one somewhere in the world.

And to all of the blog followers who know Hopey, who have held her and loved her.....I am so sorry to give you this news. I know you ache for our family and especially for our little angel. While I am hurting this evening, my thoughts of you are what brings me the most comfort. Thank you a million times for loving Hopey in spite of her many imperfections.

23 comments:

  1. Don't worry about what you say here. I am learning that sometimes the things that glorify God the most are the times when we are crying out in honesty. He will not be shaken. He will not be moved. I am praying for you. May God hold you close to His heart. May He give the doctor's wisdom and may He heal Hope's heart. I pray your rest is sweet tonight and that you are able to hold tight to the One who will never let you go.

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  2. Praying for you . . . having watched my older brother slowly become paralyzed years ago by a type of non-malignant tumor that typically manifested itself as disfiguring but non-life threatening external tumors, but instead in my brother manifested as one ugly, life-sucking and finally ending tumor at the base of his brain . . . my heart goes out to each of you. I was only 6 when he died (at age 13) but I can tell you that the legacy he left behind him in my heart has never been forgotten even though I'm now almost 40. I don't suppose this comment will really bring any comfort, or even convey what is really in my heart. . . but I hope you can read between my bumbling lines and know that you are upheld . . . by someone who cares--and more than all of that, I KNOW God cares. Besides all that, I have special interest in little Hopey because she shares my name. ;-) (I was always "Hopey" when I was little too.)

    Hope Anne AKA HappyMom4

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  3. Just also wanted to say . . . remember how you shared that you had no peace about going to Ukraine to adopt?? And that you were confident God had led you to that painful decision? You know, God knew all of this even then, and was paving the way for you to be "free" to meet Hopey's needs at this time. HE CARES.

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  4. Hope is beautiful and there is nothing but love for her evidenced in your post tonight. I'm crying for you all tonight and praying God will show Himself to be "mighty to save" in your life and hers.

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  5. I am grateful to hear your honest words. That is the only way I know how to pray for you all. Although I am only a cyber friend and a vague one at that, I will be walking with you and praying all the while. Hope is beautiful and a testament to God's love for us all.

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  6. Spill away. God created us with emotions and he knows and understands them all. He accepts you and so should we. If other's have a problem with it they can just not read.

    God bless and be with you all.

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  7. Thank you for continuing to share. We who will most likely never meet on this side of eternity will be amazed at the "cloud of witnesses" cheering us on on the other! PRAYING for you and yours tonight!

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  8. I know it was hard, painful, but I am so relieved that you didnt leave to adopt the little one that we all just knew was coming to live with your family. I stand amazed at what God can and will do. I will keep praying for your family.

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  9. Melanie,
    My heart hurts for you this morning. I am glad you are keeping a public blog b/c I have been following your journey for about six months. I thought about you and Hope all day yesterday lifting you up in prayer. I think you may somehow know Colleen Hollis (her daughter was at Vanderbilt last year with e.coli). I have known Colleen 11 years. I will be faithful to pray for you, Hope,and your family. Please let everyone know how to best help. Being honest is what it's all about. Thank you for your transparency. I pray that God will wrap his loving arms around you today.

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  10. I am praying with you. As we all pray I picture it as each of us linking our shields of faith and creating a safe place for Hope, a place that only the hand of God can touch her and I am praying COME LORD JESUS COME TOUCH HER NOW! I remember a song "God likes to work when nothing else will." Well now would be a great time. In Christ Alone,

    Sherri

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  11. I am wrighting to ask that you keep the blog public. I have learned so much from your blog and feel that it has helped bring me closer to God and his son in so many ways.

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  12. Oh, my heart is breaking for your family and hope. Praying that our awe-inspiring God would once again wow us and heal our hope.
    and - spill away. Thank you for your honesty and openness.
    Lifting you up

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  13. Melanie,
    Thankyou for sharing your Hopey with all of us. You have named her so perfectly. We can all look at that beautiful face and she such hope and determination to live each day to the fullest. I hope and pray the God gives her caregivers wisdom to know which way to go in her ongoing treatment. Praise God for Charlies heart. He looks like one happy and spunky boy.

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  14. I am in tears reading your post. I feel your pain with you, never as much but my heart is aching right along with you. I would be devastated if you took your blog to private. I feel little Hopey brought us together and I would yearn to know how she and the rest of you were doing day in and day out. My heart is with you. Please, please let me know if I can do anything for you. I will be praying daily for your little fighter and praying for the wonderful Doctors specifically for them to gain the knowledge they need to cure little Hopey's broken heart. Hugs and prayers always.

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  15. Let us hold your arms up in this battle. We are honored to do it and blessed to be asked. Hugs to all of you.

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  16. lurker coming forward with prayers for beautiful Hope's heart and your family. Blessings and Hugs

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  17. Melanie, know that you are all being prayed for by my family! Thank you for deciding to keep your blog public. I know that I don't know you in "real life" (yet!) but I do think and pray for you often. I am so indebted to you for the gift of Darya. I got your post earlier, and had already read this post of yours on Hope and have been praying for you all day. My heart just aches for you! I pray that God will surround you with his peace and comfort. I pray for strength for you all especially Hopey, and for wisdom of the medical team. Hope is such a beautiful little girl and so very blessed to have you!!

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  18. Thank you for keeping your blog public. I found your blog through Gwen Oatsvall's and have been praying for you & your family. My friend has a beloved daughter with down's symdrome, she is a delight as I'm certain your Hopey & Charlie are delights to your family. I want you to know I am praying for you continually and asking God to give the cardiologists wisdom. Your honesty is one of the things I most appreciate about your blog, it helps me be honest as well. Lifting you all in prayer !! Jami in Folsom, CA

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  19. I'm so sorry about this news. I want you to know that I am praying for little Hope. She is a precious little girl and has already touched the hearts of many that have not even met her. Prayers for you too as you struggle with this. You are loved!
    Amy Lucas

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  20. Melanie, I am so sorry to hear this. You left a comment on my blog today (Chrissie's mom) wanting to know about Chrissie's doctors. Please give me your email address so we can converse. I think you're an RR family member, too. I will say that Chrissie's cardiac surgeon and cardiologist travel the world doing heart surgeries on children who are without hope in most situations, so they have vast experience. I do not know if they've ever run across a case like Hope's, but they had also never done a case like Chrissie's at her age. (The kids either die shortly after birth of have surgery after birth; they don't live until 4 with no medical intervention, such as is the case with Chrissie.) You can google Dr. Kupferschmid and Dr. Mary Porisch in San Antonio to see if you can find any info on them. If you could take a moment to write up everything that is going on with Hopey's heart, I will forward it to Dr. Porisch. Praying for you!

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  21. Checking in again and see that Lorraine and you are connecting, Melanie, and I'm THRILLED to see that. I've been blessed following both of your blogs and am sure that you will find inspiration and support with each other--and who knows?? Maybe Chrissie's fabulous Docs are just what Hopey needs?! Praying.

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