Well, it is 1:30am, and I can't sleep. I cannot get over the video I saw of Hope's heart. I'm trying to grasp that she actually has an aneurysm attached to her heart. I can't even spell the word; in fact, I have to do spell check every time I try to type it. I hate the word. What in the world do I do with that word? Aneurysm. Little Hope doesn't show one outward sign of a heart condition. She has just as much energy as any other child her age. If I hadn't seen the video with my own eyes, I swear I wouldn't have believed it. I've got to deal with the word.....aneurysm.....for Hope.
Someone told me the other day that I should feel happy....maybe the word was blessed....that I have had Hopey in my life for 4 years. Afterall, doctors had said she might not live long after birth. Should I feel that way? If it were a pair of shoes that had lasted four years, I could be thankful for that. But my daughter?
Lydia asked me today, as we were putting the final touches of paint on Hope's Love Shack: "Mom, why would God want Hope to have to go through an open heart surgery again?" How many times do you think the kids will ask that question in the next 29 days? I just said: "I don't know". Then, while she was still painting, I looked over at her.....long dark hair pulled back, hat plopped on her head, long skinny legs tucked underneath her, tears streaming down her face. She saw me looking toward her, and all I could say was: "I know". Then we continued painting together....for Hope.
This evening, Hope and I again sat at the piano. This time her big sisters were dancing around the room acting nutty. I banged around some upbeat tunes on the piano (I'm sure I sounded good from Hope's perspective, but that is about as far as I'd go). Hope couldn't stand it. The faster the tempo, the more excited she became. Before long, she had climbed up in my lap, put her hands on top of mine, and was banging away at the keys with me.....making a joyful noise to the Lord. And I do mean "noise". After my hands became so tired I could hardly use them, I picked Hope up from the piano, and we joined her sisters dancing around the room and began to sing a jazzed up version of "This Little Light of Mine". We screamed the words and danced around. Hope turned in circles, smile beaming, holding up her little finger (her little light). Pure Joy.
I made it through day 1 of our journey with Hope....no regrets. She was the center of all of our attention and seemed to enjoy every moment of it. I carried her as we ended our day marching around our home tonight. We held our hands high. We didn't say anything. We just marched.....for Hope.
Oh Mel, I have read every post and I just don't even have words. All I keep thinking about is Joshua when he marched around the wall and it came tumbling down. I am praying that this wall will tumble down as well! I am so glad you have a blog that I can share with others. I am glad that you will be able to touch lives as you receive prayer! I am so anxious to know, when we get to heaven, how many people saw all this marching and were touched or reached. I'll have to march back and forth in front of my house because I can't get all the way around because of fences. Maybe I'll just march around the whole block! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but it makes me angry that someone thought you should be thankful for 4 years! Would that be enough for any mother? I don't think it matters that you weren't supposed to have a day with Hope. If you had 40 years you wouldn't want to say good-bye and it wouldn't be enough. Children aren't supposed to precede their parents to heaven. I'm not thankful that this may be the last 30 days with Hope and I may be giving in to Satan's lies or earthly standard to feel that way, but I don't want to say good-bye to her, I don't want my sweet friends to live life without her, and I don't want the world to miss out on Hope. Maybe selfish, but real nonetheless.
I love you dear friend!
Ondrea
Melanie...
ReplyDeleteI can just visualize all the music and singing and dancing at your home last night! What a party!!! Love it!!!
I know what you mean about "the word"...My "word" is "seizures"....They are daily and no treatment seems to help...I refer to it as the "The Beast"...
I want to SLAY "The Beast"!!!!
Try hard not to let people's comments get to you...I know it's hard...Believe me, after 24 years with Colby, I have heard them all! I have had similar things said to me...Does that mean I don't PLEAD constantly for seizure relief, a perfect heart, good health, communication, walking, etc., etc...? No...But at the same time, I am SO VERY THANKFUL that I even HAVE my son in my life, and that he is as healthy as he is.... I know most people's words are well-intended...But they oftentimes don't really help...Most people just don't, or can't, "get it."
God knows your heart....He KNOWS how very grateful you and Chappy are to "have had" Hope for four years....But, as you already realize, God ALSO knows your human yearning to keep your baby healthy and with you for the rest of your life...And that is what we will all pray for...
Cyndi
I linked to you from someone else (have been so busy reading, I don't even remember who) and just wanted to tell you we will be marching and praying, too.
ReplyDeleteTo the Hollis Family
ReplyDeleteI received your information from my sister`s blog in Finland, Holm Sweet Holm!
I will be praying for Hope. I also pray that the day she has her surgery that JESUS is there, holding her hand every step of the way and giving you the assurance that she is LOVED BY HIM WHO MADE HER PERFECT IN HIS IMAGE!
October 12th is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada! What a day it will be to be THANKFULL FOR ALL THE GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!
Lord, be with this family, protect this little girl and heal her with all your power. Let your name be proclaimed as Holy and Mighty, Ever Lasting and Loving GOD when this little Holly will be healed after her operation. Be with the family and encourage them, love them and give them faith that will move the mountains around them for their daughter....In Jesus Name I Pray...AMEN.
Steve Kasper
HI Melanie, I am Emily Cox, you came to see Cooper when he was in the hospital. I pray for Hope several times throughout the day and it brings tears everytime I pray for her because I feel like I am just begging God for a miracle. I understand what you meant about at least having the time you have had...that is a horrible statement and we are not going to think like that because our God CAN!! Our prayer is for many many more years and I am trusting that God will give you that, give Hope that. I love you guys and I will pray without ceasing for the next 29 days.
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