Chappy spoke with Hope's surgeon while we were in Florida. He was on his way to Africa for a mission trip, but took time to call us. He feels "98% certain" he can technically perform the work that needs to be done on Hope's heart with accuracy. Big Praise!!! The question is how Hope's heart will respond to the surgery......and how Hope, herself, will respond.
Our family meeting began tonight with Hope acting wild as a bear cub. She was playing games with all of us while the kids were trying to talk about their day.....standing up on the couch, throwing her leg over the back, acting like she was going to leap over......knowing she would "get a rise". Chappy would jump up, yell "stop", and reach to grab her, but before he could get to her, she'd plop back down on the couch and giggle until her sides were splitting. The kids and I would burst out laughing with her, but Chappy, still unaware she was "playing him" continued saying: "Don't do that again, Hope". She did the same thing over and over and over. Finally Chappy said, "Off to bed"......I don't think she was finished playing, but Daddy was. He was a nervous wreck thinking she might leap off the back of the couch and really hurt herself. She is a smart little somebody and LOVES to play games. It was a hoot to watch!
Chappy, being leader of our home and extemely concerned about how we are all processing the open heart surgery that is drawing near, changed the mood of our family meeting once Hope had been safely put into her bed. He posed this question:
"Melanie, how would you react if things didn't go well with Hope and she didn't make it through the surgery? Have you thought about it? Do you think we need to talk about it as a family?"
So, our evening quickly turned from insane laughter to puddles of tears....Chappy trying to prepare his family for the worst while still hoping against hope for the best. Chappy is always a "glass is half full" person, so it alarms me when he shows doubt. Teasing, I frequently accuse him of being in denial......tonight I found I prefer"denial" a whole lot more than "let's try to deal with what could come".
My answer to his question???
God assures us He will not to give us more than we can handle. He knows, just like I know, that losing Hope would be too much for me. She is tightly intertwoven into every fiber of my being; literally, she is part of all of me. Some parents love their children, but other parents LLLLOOOOOVVVVEEE their children. I fall into the second category. I do not see how I could allow my baby girl to be put in the ground. No! Likewise, I don't see how I could allow her precious body to be burned and her ashes put into a jar. Louder No! It is not her time to die. She will make it through this surgery and she will live. Period.
That was my answer. Correction, that IS my answer!
I don't know if my answer is a good answer or even a "right" answer. By the way, what is a good answer to that kind of question? For all I know, maybe Chappy didn't really want an answer, but only wanted to pose the question to guage everyone's reaction....to see if we'd even thought about the possibility. Nonetheless, the question was asked and I gave an honest answer. Friends, don't misunderstand me.....I know that God is in control. Trust me, I know. However, what is my choice? The way I see it, my only choice is to "FAITH"! Verb.
Daily I am intentionally visualizing myself in the hospital waiting for the good news that Hope has made it through surgery. I see myself in the hospital room caring for Hope while she recovers after surgery. Then, I picture myself walking out those automatic doors with her in my arms....into the parking garage at the hospital.....going home. I am owning THAT scenario, and I am faithing it with all that is in me. For the next 12 days, I will not even remotely consider another outcome. The surgeon will be ready. Hope will be ready. I will be ready. Everyone else better get on board. We are going to ride on the healing train straight to Vanderbilt Hospital, but we are only there for a short stop over. That healing train is carrying us right back home. The "J" train!
I hope I am getting loads of Amens from you. I want every praying warrior faithing with me on this. Believing. Accepting no less. I am shouting it every moment I am awake on the inside. I am standing for Hope's life and will not be pushed down. I may be smiling on the outside when you see me, but know that I am a momma bear on the inside who is protecting her wounded cub with everything she's got. If faith has anything at all to do with Hope's healing, feel sure, my little bear cub will leave that hospital with a heart that works. Praise the Lord!!!
I'm going to finish my story tomorrow.....I think you will all love the way the story ends. I know I do. But tonight, I feel like I have written what was meant to be written.
As a family, we just finished marching, but as soon as I finish typing this post, I am going back outside and I am going to march again. Hands raised. Trusting Father. Looking at the clear sky tonight full of stars and being reminded He is there. If I have to march 1000 times over the next 12 days to gather up as much faith as my body can handle, I will do it.....wearing a path around our house. Full of the Spirit!!! Letting Him wash over me!!! Wearing the armor!!! Knowing this is a battle!!! Knowing the victory is already His!!!
Love to all of you!!!